820 Five Little Words

820 Five Little Words

Around this time of year, everyone is agog about the Super Bowl Ads. Which was the best? Which was the worst? Which will you remember? Which will you remember but forget what’s advertised?

This year’s game was the first in a long time that was better than the ads. So the self-induced hype about commercials took a back seat to the players on the field. Amazing!

Most of the votes seem to favor Volkswagen which featured a cute kid in a Darth Vader costume in shock when he made some magical gesture at an empty car and it actually started. (Dad was at the kitchen window with a remote starter, but the kid didn’t see him.)

But there’s a non-Super Bowl ad in circulation now that should get the Subtle Classic Award, though it takes a little bit of pre-knowledge to fully “get.”

It’s from Verizon Wireless and introduces the long-awaited and hoped for arrival of its version of the iPhone, previously licensed exclusively to AT&T, which a major consumer magazine says has the worst phone service in the country.

The iPhone does a lot of things very well. Unfortunately, making and receiving phone calls isn’t one of them. AT&T has more complaints about bad service than most of the other big carriers combined. Dropped calls, difficult to hear, difficult to be received.

Back in the day, Verizon touted the quality and reach of its network with a series of ads that featured the phrase “can you HEAR me now,” usually shouted into a phone by a frustrated user.

The new ad features the Verizon “it’s the network” logo actor, a combination of telephone lineman and tech-nerd holding an I phone to his ear and saying into it very very quietly “I can hear you now.”

Five words that speak volumes.

The arrival of the iPhone puts Verizon in an awkward spot. It has invested gazillions in promoting and selling the competing Android phone, based on a Google operating system. It has invested more gazillions in supporting and promoting the BlackBerry. Now, it has all three “smart” phones. Is that too many? If so, what’ll they do about it.

Shrapnel (Liberal Media Edition):

--Keith Olbermann has landed at Al Gore’s “Current TV.” Anyone receive this channel? If so, what else is on it?

--Arianna Huffington has landed at America On Line, selling her independent website, the Huffington Post for 315 million dollars, all but 15 million in cash. Didn’t someone just call AOL “the place startups go to die”?

--Since the Huff post now is a part of AOL and Tina Brown’s Daily Beast is part of Newsweek, there is a shortage of left-leaning women who write well and have their own websites. Which means it’s time to find a new left-leaning woman who writes well who will start an independent website. Any candidates?

I’m Wes Richards. My opinions are my own but you’re welcome to them. ®
Please address comments to wesrichards@gmail.com
© WJR 2011

819 Mr. Park's Kimchi

819 Mr. Park’s Kimchi

(Note: names and some grocery items have been changed to protect the innocent. Korean translation below.)

(MOOTE POINTE NY) -- Mr. Park stands for hours behind the register in his little grocery store, a place that would make the A&P twirl in its grave, were it fully dead instead of just mostly.

Why? Because it’s exactly backward from what a major supermarket looks, smells and sounds like. And it’s sparkling clean. There’s no Muzak. The shelves are well stocked or empty, never in between. This is a quiet, gentle-seeming man who spends six days a week on his feet while the place is open. But those long hours aren’t all the time he puts in.

It’s a small place with stuff you either can’t get elsewhere or, if you can, Mr. Park’s is better.

There is no vegetable bin. The veggies are stacked in cardboard boxes near the door, which leaks a bit. Free refrigeration. Seems to work. We’ve never found a rotten head of Napa cabbage or one with brown spotted leaves that scream “age.”

Meat is another oddly handled commodity. It’s there, a-plenty, but there’s no label other than the one that says “safe handling instructions.” No label, no weight, no price per pound, no price at all. Is it good? Certainly. Is this legal? Who knows.

Actually, almost nothing has a price label, let alone a unit-price label. And unlike most Asian grocery stores in America, a lot of what is marked is marked only in Korean.

But the real reason to go to Mr. Park is the Kimchi, a mix of fermented vegetables and spices. In Korea and in the “Little Korea” in any city, you can get something like 200 variations of the recipe, any one of which can clear the sinuses better than soaking in a tub of Vick’s. Here, there’s one. Take it or leave it.

It’s contained in glass jars with screw-on tops. It’s kept refrigerated, though who knows why -- no germ can grow in this stuff.

The jars have -- you guessed it -- no labels. No weight sticker. No price tag. Where is it made, you might ask? “In my kitchen.” Probably after hours; after long days of standing behind the register. Legal? Depends. Delicious? You can’t beat home cooking.

Shrapnel:

--Home kitchens are the model of inefficiency. Two hours of prep, 20 minutes or half an hour of eating and then two hours of cleanup. If you ran the rest of your life that way, you’d never get ANYTHING done.

--Sarah and Bristol Palin want to “patent” their names and likenesses so they can’t be used without permission. The nation’s highest profile anti-government type is using … the government for protection? And what will this do to the eBay price of that Sarah bobble head and vibrator combo you’re trying to sell?

--Notice some “business hours” signs show only a slight difference between weekends and weekdays, usually closing half an hour earlier or later. What sense is that? And if the restaurant kitchen closes “at 1 am,” does that mean the medium well burger they put on the grill for you at 12:58 will be served after only two minutes of cooking and almost raw?

I’m Wes Richards. My opinions are my own but you’re welcome to them. ®
Please address comments to wesrichards@gmail.com.
© WJR 2011

819 씨 공원의 김치

(참고 : 이름과 일부 식료품 항목은 무고한을 보호하기 위해 변경되었습니다.)

박 선생님은 완전히 대신 대부분의 죽은 그의 작은 식료품 가게, 그 무덤에있는 & P는 펴고을 보이게 될 장소에 등록 뒤에 시간을 의미합니다.

왜? 주요 슈퍼마켓이 생겼는지 냄새와 소리가 정확히 뒤로부터니까. 그리고 반짝 이는 깨끗해. 아니 Muzak 없어. 책장이 잘 갖춰져 있거나 비어, 결코 사이에 있죠. 이것은 장소가 열려있는 동안 그의 피트에서 6 일 주일에 지출 조용하고, 부드럽게 - 보이는 사람이다. 하지만 그 오랜 시간 그가 안으로두고 항상 없습니다

그것은 물건 당신도 다른 곳에서 얻을 수 없거나, 당신은 박 선생님의 것이 더 낫다는 수 있는지와 작은 장소이기도합니다.

아니 야채 상자가있다. veggies은 누수 비트 문 근처에 마분지 상자에 정렬됩니다. 자유 냉동. 일을 본다. 우리는 나파 양배추 또는 비명 갈색 발견 단풍과 하나의 썩은 머리를 못 찾았어요 "나이를."

고기가 다른 이상한 취급 상품입니다. 하지만,이 - 충분했지만 아무 라벨 말하는 사람이 아닌 다른이의 "안전 취급 지침을."아니 라벨, 아니 체중, 파운드 당 가격, 전혀 가격. 그것은 좋은가요? 물론. 이것은 법적인가? 누가 알겠어.

사실, 거의 아무것도, 가격 레이블을 가지고 혼자있는 단위 가격 라벨을 보자. 그리고 미국에서 대부분의 아시아 식료품 매장과 달리 표시된 것을 많이는 한국어로 표시됩니다.

하지만 진짜 이유는 박 선생님에 가서 김치, 발효 야채와 양념의 혼합입니다. 어느 도시에, 당신은 조리법 200 변형 중 sinuses 빅의 욕조에 몸을 담글보다 더 명확 수있는 것과 같은 무언가를 얻을 수 있습니다 한국과 리틀 한국 인치 여기 하나있어. 받아 말던가.

그것이 유리 단지에 포함된의 나사 꼭대기에서. 아니 배아 이런 거 성장할 수 - 누가 그 이유를 알면서도 그것은, 냉장 있겠죠.

단지가 - 당신이 그것을 찍었다고 - 아니 라벨. 없음 체중 스티커. 없음 가격표. 그것은 만들어 어디에, 당신은 말이죠? 아마 시간 후 "내 부엌에서."; 등록 뒤에 서의 긴 일 후에. 법률? 따라 달라집니다. 맛있는? 당신은 가정 요리를 이길 수 없습니다.



파편 :

- 사라와 브리스톨 페일 린은 "특허"하려는 자신의 이름과 likenesses 너무들은 허가없이 사용하실 수 없습니다. 국가의 최고 프로필 반정부 유형이 사용하는 ... 정부를 보호하기 위해? 그리고이게 그 사라 장식 머리 이베이 가격과 진동기 콤보가 판매하려 할 것인가?

- 공지 사항 몇 가지 "영업 시간"신호는 보통 50 시간 이전 또는 이후 폐쇄, 주말과 평일 사이에만 약간의 차이를 보여줍니다. 무슨 의미인가? 그리고 식당 부엌가 종료하는 경우 "새벽 1시,"그들은 요리와 가공의 두 분 후에 게재됩니다 12시 58분에서 당신을 그릴에 넣어 매체 잘 햄버거를 뜻이야?

- 홈 부엌은 비효율의 모델입니다. 초등학교 2 시간 20 분 또는 식사의 절반 시간과 정리의 다음 이시간. 당신은 당신은 어떤 일을 못할 거라고 그렇게 인생의 나머지 부분을 실행한 경우.

저는 웨스 리차드입니다. 내 의견은 내 자신의 아르하지만 당신은 그들에게 천만에요. ®
wesrichards@gmail.com에 코멘트를 해결하시기 바랍니다.
© WJR 2011

818 Carefully Selected

818 Carefully Selected

Label on a water bottle: “Only from carefully selected natural springs.” This raises some questions:

1. Do you mean “This water comes only from carefully selected natural springs?” Or did you just have a quarter inch of space you had to fill with type?

2. Are there carelessly selected natural springs?

3. If so, what’s the difference?

4. Who carefully selects the springs and what are their qualifications?

5. Do they have to take refresher courses in careful selection and if so, how often and where?

6. Are there unnatural springs?

The company that makes this stuff is Swiss-based Nestle. It’s a huge multinational, which like any similar outfit has had a checkered history in this and other countries, but seems to have a solid commitment to what it calls “healthy hydration.”

It also makes 12 different brands of bottled waters, most of them household names: Deer Park, Perrier, Poland Spring, Arrowhead, Ice Mountain and San Pellegrino among them. Do we infer from this that Poland Spring is not drawn and bottled from “Carefully selected natural springs?”

Doubt it. All the Poland Pumpers probably have to take the same careful selection refresher like the rest of the company.

It’s true not all bottled water comes from springs. Some is “purified” after being drawn from “municipal water supplies.” Someone turns on a hose in Teterboro, runs the stuff through a filter and maybe a heater and cooler and, presto, bottled water. It’s on the label. Yes, really Teterboro.

It’s a little tougher with sparkling water like Perrier. You can’t fake it in Teterboro. But don’t try to count the “50 million bubbles,” it’ll drive you nuts.

But pull back for some perspective: We drink this stuff, wasteful as the plastic bottles may be because we think its healthier. Maybe yes, maybe no.

And about those bottles... the ones that if you put them in the landfill during the Paleolithic era two and a half million years ago, they’d probably be retrievable now, unchanged and undamaged.

Now that’s conservation!

The new teeny-tiny caps are better. Use a lot less plastic. Just don’t try to unscrew them when your hands are wet or if you have arthritis.


Shrapnel:

--The comments were quick in coming for our using “nept” to mean the opposite of “inept,” most suggesting that “ept” would be more appropriate. Perhaps so, but the rest of the vast radio audience probably wouldn’t understand it and instead think we were plugging either an “Early Pregnancy Test,” the “El Paso Times,” or the “European Poker Tour.”

--The stupor bowl is just around the corner -- Steelers vs. Packers -- and after that, there might be a player lockout as the long-running union contract expires as skyrocketing profits force the teams to demand givebacks. The best thing about the Steelers is owner Dan Rooney, 78, who has smoothed over such troubles in the past, but who’s not directly involved in negotiations this time because he’s serving as US Ambassador to Ireland. The next best thing would be if Pittsburgh lost the game and with it some of its arrogance.

I’m Wes Richards. My opinions are my own but you’re welcome to them. ®
Please address comments to wesrichards@gmail.com
© WJR 2011

817 New York, Welcome to Taipei

817 New York, Welcome to Taipei

This space has called the Taipei subway, the “MRT,” the most advanced and usable on the planet. Now, maybe, years behind, New York’s MTA may be catching up, at least in part.

One of the things that makes the MRT the best is a simple safety precaution. There are Plexiglas partitions between the edge of the platform and the gully where the tracks run. The train pulls in. The car doors line up with the barrier, the barrier section slides away and people get off and on. The train door then closes and so does the barrier.

The NY Daily News reports that in 2009, 90 people were struck by New York Subways and 40 of them died.

It’s not like the MTA had to go all the way to Asia to find out about this kind of thing. AirTrain does it in Queens. Some riders are worried about the cost of installing barriers on so many platforms. We don’t have figures, but eventually the agency settles lawsuits resulting from this kind of injury. People get pushed, they jump. They fall. They sue. Could barriers actually turn a profit despite the cost?

The Taipei subway never misses the gate openings. The trains glide up at speed, stop fast but comfortably right where they must, perfectly aligned. This probably means automation assistance for what we used to call the “motorman,” or “engineer” or driver. Thing is, it CAN be done.

The MRT has other advantages: It’s cheap to ride, it’s clean and you can’t eat or drink or even bring food or beverages -- even chewing gum -- to the platforms. They find you and they fine you.

And they run more trains than you can count. No one waits half an hour for a subway. And the signs tell you when the next one will arrive, and it does.

Granted, the MRT is newer and smaller than New York’s aching, aging system. But it still can be done.

Muggers and mental cases, jumpers and people without balance? You’ll just have to find a new way to kill yourselves if this project actually happens.

Shrapnel:


--Mayor Mike conducted a “Gun Sting” in Arizona where Arizona residents paid by the City of New York and intimating they might be felons bought guns of the type used in the Tucson shootings at a gun show -- and this was not the first time or the first state. Both the gun club and the ATF objected. The club sited “no legal authority,” the ATF cited its own operations manual, titled “CYA.”

--Is Mike trying to be Crusader Rabbit? No. He’s trying to keep illegal weapons out of town. For that he has legal authority and doesn’t have to answer to the ATF, not exactly the most “nept” of federal agencies.

--In a typically lunatic reaction, Nassau County has filed suit to prevent the state takeover of its finances, which it calls “political.” Sure it’s political. And so were the reasons state administration became necessary. Wake up, guys, you’re an inch away from going belly up.


I’m Wes Richards. My opinions are my own but you’re welcome to them. ®
Please address comments to wesrichards@gmail.com
© WJR 2011

816 Chickens Come Home to Roost

816 Chickens Come Home to Roost.

Nassau is the richest county in New York. Or the second richest, depending on whose figures you use. It also is in such bad shape that the state has taken over the running of its finances.

Its present form of government was instituted in 1938, and since that time, only two Democrats have served in the office of County Executive, for a total of 15 out of 73 years.

From ‘38 on, legislative functions at the county level were served part time by leaders of the county’s internal municipalities, also almost Republicans. The “Board of Supervisors” as it was called, fought tooth hammer and nail to retain its composition. But ultimately, the courts ruled that six members weren’t enough -- or constitutional and it was replaced by a 19 member legislature.

Not much changed except expenses grew. Nineteen guys with staff and offices and political campaigns and telephones and stationery, computers and fax machines.

Nassau has more Commissioners and assistant and deputy commissioners and other political appointees than a normal human being can count. All with staff and offices and telephones and stationery, computers, fax machines and heaven knows what duties, if any.

It has an antiquated labor system with extraordinarily generous contracts. Starting salary for a new cop is a little over 34-thousand dollars. But in eight years that can grow to more than 108-thousand, excluding overtime and promotions. In neighboring New York City, a starting cop earns a bit more, but eight years later, the money tops out at 78-thousand. Cop retirements come early in many cases, and the payouts are enough to live on.

Town-based sanitation workers are in about the same boat as the county police. So are many other town and county workers, everyone from prison guards to road crews.

And how do you get the (non police) jobs? First by passing a civil service exam, of minimum challenge. And then, by “knowing” “someone.”

This system has been in place for a century. It’s self perpetuating and now it’s shown as self defeating.

The present county executive is, naturally, a Republican. But by this time, party affiliation doesn’t matter. The county has been politics- battered since it gained independence from Queens in 1898.

Going on 113 years of patronage, wild spending, borrowing and the resulting high taxes, waste, corruption, trickery.

The influence of the hoards of city residents, then largely Democrats who turned Republican after World War II, worsened rather than bettered the situation.

So now, the state has the reigns of the horse -- for the second time in recent history. And it had best do something and fast, lest the richest county becomes the least populous. And THEN where does the money come from?

Shrapnel:

--Nassau County is a complex tangle of overlapping jurisdictions. It has three towns, two “cities” 64 villages and at least that many hamlets, plus dozens of districts: Congressional, State Assembly, State Senate, County legislative, school, library, election districts, fire districts, police departments or precincts. It’s a head-spinner.

--For all but a handful of the last 113 years, the true ruling body has been and remains the Nassau County Republican Committee, which has dominated government at all levels through a network of patronage and pressure. One of its past chairmen was jailed for demanding kickbacks for the party from its municipal workers. Another was involved in questionable land dealings.

--Nassau has the most expensive group of governments in the United States. It has the highest combined tax rates in the country. And its residents pay more in electric and public transportation costs in the state, and in some instances, the country.

I’m Wes Richards. My opinions are my own but you’re welcome to them. ®
Address comments to wesrichards@gmail.com
© 2011 WJR

815 Fair and Balanced

815 Fair and Balanced

That’s Fox News’ Orwellian motto, but that’s not what this is about, mostly. This is about the State of the Union Address and two speeches that came after it.

The President is required to report to Congress once a year. He can do that any way he wishes. Smoke signals, a coffee klatch, a memo, an e-mail. Most presidents chose the speech. It’s called “The State of the Union Address.” It’s delivered to a joint session (not a joint meeting,) of Congress. Others attend as well: Friends, family, Supreme Court Justices if they’re not in a snit, that sort.

The speech is supposed to tell Congress (and the rest of the American People) what the President thinks is the condition of the country and to outline his legislative program. It’s basically a campaign speech.

In recent decades, the television networks have given a member of the opposition party a chance to respond. So when the President is a Democrat, as now, a Republican gets to rebut. But the rebuttal has to be prepared before the address is given, so it’s become another campaign speech.

Even so, the President is speaking as President, fulfilling a constitutional obligation. The opponent is speaking as politician.

This year, we had the pleasure of two opposing speeches, one from the hapless Paul Ryan (Republican Party-WI.) Boilerplate sloganeering delivered in a Charlie-Rose-Like semi trance. The other from Michele Bachman (Tea Party Party-MN.)

Anyone can comment on the content of a Presidential address. And almost everyone does (so you won’t find that here even though the see-saw his tipped to the right.) And Bachman certainly has the same right to speak out as everyone else. But TWO rebuttals? To a constitutionally-mandated Presidential address?

The first question is “why is any counter-speech necessary?” Broadcasting’s “fairness doctrine” with its implied suggestion of “rebuttal” has long been dead and the right wing is leading the fight to keep it that way.

The second question is “why did party leaders not find a way to stop a faction of its members from speaking until the next day or the day after... what were they afraid of?”

The third question is “why did anyone carry the Bachman speech in the first place?”

The fourth question is “who are you kidding, Michele,” when you say you were merely speaking to a meeting of like minded individuals?

When commentator Chris Matthews later called her a “balloon head,” he was insulting balloons.

Shrapnel:

--Speaking of Rupert Murdoch’s Foxes of Television, a group of rabbis has taken a big ad blasting the Fox News Channel in general and Glenn Beck in particular. And what paper did they use for the ad? Why Rupert Murdoch’s Wall St. Journal.

--Egypt is a finger in the dyke. If they don’t get their act together, previous trouble in the Middle East is going to look like a walk in the park, even though the protests are about internal issues and not international relations. Uncle Hosni needs to get his head out of the sand and do some serious reforming.

I’m Wes Richards. My opinions are my own but you’re welcome to them. ®
Comments to wesrichards@gmail.com
© WJR 2011

814 Daytime Advertising

814 Daytime Advertising

Lately there’s been a blizzard of lawyer ads on daytime TV. “If you’ve been hurt in an accident...” “If you have mesotheliosa …” “If Social Security won’t give you your disability payments...” “If you took the drug (insert name) and had evil things happen as a result...” There must be an awful lot of potential clients out there watching “Maury,” “Springer” and similar programs.

Most of the ads show actors in suits sitting at desks with a backdrop that looks like a wall full of law books. Some of them show actual lawyers. One guy is a dead ringer for Snidley Whiplash, moustache and all. Appropriate. A favorite is tax lawyer Roni Deutsch, who sounds like fingers on a blackboard and doesn’t know what to do with her hands on camera.

All these ads have at least one thing in common besides the slimy spokes-people: “We don’t charge a fee unless you get paid.” Nice. Their fees are “contingencies.” But don’t go thinking you don’t have to pay if they lose your case. There are attorney expenses. They charge for that, most of them. And if they lose the case, you have to wonder what those expenses look like. Of course they disclose this little catch, maybe even in the “free phone call and free consultation,” but not in the commercial.

Other daytime ads hawk for-profit vocational schools, debt consolidation and lump sum payments for annuities and structured settlements.

The best of these is from an outfit called J.G. Wentworth. Truly wonderful. Obviously they buy your settlement or lend you money. But at what cost?

All of which points to the audience being a bunch of people who can’t or won’t work, don’t have jobs or have dead end jobs or people with money that dribbles in too slowly.

What else to do at that hour if you can’t work but sit around and watch the tube? Povich, Springer, The People’s Court, Judge This or Judge That.

As the afternoon wears on, we get into really nasty stuff: Here’s Montel Williams, pitching what amount to pay day loans. No cash? We’ll lend you up to a grand --plunk it right into your checking account-- if you have at least 800 in monthly income. If you make $9600 a year, you have no business going into this kind of debt at more than ten percent apr in many cases.

Here’s Hulk Hogan pitching Rent-a-Center. Rent to buy prices are generally way higher than for the same item at a regular store. If you want something for a short time, maybe it’s worth your while to rent. Otherwise, you’ll be paying more than the item costs at Best Buy, Target, Wal-Mart or any similar place.

How about recording your pet programs and watching them on tape or DVR later, when you can skip through the commercials?


Shrapnel:

--What’s in that Taco Bell meat taco? Reports say the “meat” is some combination of chemicals that is only 36 percent beef, and that 40 percent is the FDA minimum. In defending a class action suit in Alabama, the fast food chain denies its ads are misleading.

--They’ve rejuggled the lineup since separating from Olbermann at MSNBC, so we’ve finally gotten to see the “Ed Show” after hearing it on radio where it was mostly a promotion for the television version. On radio, he sounds like a blowhard with an occasional good idea. On television, he LOOKS and sounds like a blowhard with an occasional good idea. And speaking of their lineup: Lawrence O’Donnell puts some of us to sleep even those of us who generally agree with him.

I’m Wes Richards. My opinions are my own but you’re welcome to them. ®
Comments to wesrichards@gmail.com please.
© WJR 2011