1806 That's Not Rain on Your Shoes

Adler-Jung-Freud archive photo

The right wing in this country is drowning in a sea of irrational exuberance and false comparisons.

They should put IE in the DSM.  Wait. That’s gibberish from Jargonia. They should put Irrational Exuberance in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Psychological Disorders, the book the shrinks rely on to overbill the cuckoo department of your soon-to-die health insurance.

The phrase itself is the creation of former Federal Reserve Chairman Alan Greenspan. It describes what he saw as a bubble in dot coms.  But it can apply elsewhere, too.

When someone points out one of the failings of The Leader of the Free World, someone is sure to come up with “oh, but Obama did this” and “Hillary did that.”

What does that mean?  It means Trump’s okay and compares favorably to the fallen idols, Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton.

C’mon.  How does that mitigate the outrageous Banana Republican nonsense that started with Goldwater and now has been distorted into the Tea Party… a name we don’t hear often nowadays, but still it lurks.

The White House sleight of hand department has been working overtime to divert our attention to the president’s disastrous disrobing at the Comey hearings.  It’s infrastructure week, Kellyann Conway reminds us.  The president has been all over the map pushing for better roads and bridges and golf courses. (Well, he may not have mentioned golf courses.)

Can you name one thing Conway said about that? Of course not.  No one listens to her and no one should. But you remember what Comey said because it means something.

Meantime, the Congressional Sleight of Hand Caucus has retreated into secrecy, planning its next move so that it can look like a deliberative body while still accomplishing the goal of the executive branch which is to deprive you of medical coverage and keep you so busy trying to make ends meet and so tired from trying that you don’t see Paul Ryan palm the 50 cent piece and then pretend to pull it out of Orin Hatch’s ear.

Digression: When you press and hold the Alt key and press the right arrow on your computer keyboard, do you know what happens?  Absolutely nothing.  There’s a message in that.

But the alt right media is busy trying to take everything ridiculous about Trump/Russia and turning it into victory.

Reminds one of the old saw “don’t pee on my shoes and then tell me it’s raining.”

TODAY’S QUOTE:

-“...it is simply not possible for a state law to be valid under our Constitution which makes the criminality of an act depend upon the race of the actor." Associate Justice Potter Stewart concurring with the unanimous Supreme Court decision that Richard and Mildred Loving of Virginia were illegally imprisoned for marrying each other.  Richard was white, Mildred was black.  The decision was made on this day, 6/12/1967, only 50 years ago.

I’m Wes Richards. My opinions are my own but you’re welcome to them. ®  Also, my shoes are wet… it must be raining.

Please address comments to wesrichards@gmail.com

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© WJR 2017

1805 Trumped

Pilgrim State Hospital Historical Society photo.

Do not believe the fake news reports.  There is no firm evidence that during the President’s nine day overseas trip, Ivanka brought in a crew of decorators who padded the Oval Office.

We’ve all had terrible bosses, but would you take a job in this White House?  Only if it were unionized and with a solid history of favorably resolving grievances.

No one wants to work here. No one wants to be embarrassed and/or humiliated in tweets.  No one wants to sign a loyalty oath especially if it works in only one direction.

You have to wonder what things are like when one of the president’s earliest backers, Jeff Sessions, rewarded with a job as Attorney General, offers to quit rather than risk the long history of his office’s independence from any president.

The president has stuck his nose in where it doesn’t belong with comments on the London bombing, NATO, the Middle East, Qatar, the offices of successful federal prosecutors to name only the last few.  

Governor Moonbeam of California has become the defacto head of climate change policy.

Expect more of that.  

Trump also puts staff members in the doghouse. Priebus, Bannon, Spicer, even his son in law Jared the (formerly) untouchable. So far, he’s okay with Ivanka.  But that’s probably because she knows too much and may be the only person in nepotism land who doesn’t fear him.

Now, about that padding:  There’s deep concern that when the president runs out of others to turn against, he will turn against himself.  Maybe that’s an overstatement. Maybe it should be “there’s deep concern that when he runs out of others to turn against he will turn further against himself.”

Has there ever been a more self destructive president?  Has there ever been one less able to think critically?  Or think in a straight line?  Or control his motor mouth and -- in this case -- his motor tweeting fingers? Covfefe.

There are only two ways to get this guy headed for a life on the golf course: locking the padded oval office or sabotage by his own staff.

This space has been critical of every president since Eisenhower. But each of them has had some saving grace, if only minor.

Ike proved we can go eight years without a president. But he was the right choice in a post war America that was getting back on its feet. And he built a great highway system.

By the time Kennedy was murdered, he was held in such low esteem by members of the national legislative body that he couldn’t get “cross at the green and not in between” approved. But he was a breath of fresh air for many of the rest of us.

Johnson was a war monger but he managed to get some of Kennedy’s social programs into law and added some of his own.

Nixon?  Where can we even begin about Nixon?  But he opened China and created the EPA.

Ford: An economic amateur but a healer. WIN: “Whip Inflation Now.”  And he toasted his own breakfast muffins.

Carter: Fear of giant rabbits and lusting in one’s heart. Anti Israel, but in his later years gained the love and trust of even the people who voted for …

Reagan.  He tried to take us back to an era that never was.  Now he’s a saint who probably could not win an election today because he was too liberal.

Bush 41 inflicted Quayle on the rest of us but was so vanilla no one much cared. Or noticed.

Clinton lied under oath, though it was an oath he never should have had to take. The economy boomed.

Bush 43: Cheney, mission accomplished and “good job, Brownie.” But at least he was a fun guy.

Obama?  Who can forgive “If you want to keep your doctor, you can keep your doctor.”

And now there’s Baby Huey.  A complete nitwit with a well deserved and accurate inferiority complex, someone who does not know what he doesn’t know. One who is turning this once great nation into a laughing stock and flitting around like a firefly in a Glad Wrap covered water glass, blinking at imaginary enemies and ignoring real ones both in and out of his skeleton staff.

GRAPESHOT:

-Google Docs spell check recognizes "Covfefe" as a word but Microsoft Word does not.

-Comey put Trump through the shredder by standing up fearlessly for what’s right and making the president look as small as he is in comparison.

I’m Wes Richards. My opinions are my own but you’re welcome to them. ®

Please address comments to wesrichards@gmail.com

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© WJR 2017

1804 The Trial of the Century

Associated Press/pool

The 21st Century is relatively young and the contestants are lining up for the championship.  Unless the president is impeached, then tried in the Senate, the leading contender for trial of the century right now is Bill Cosby’s.

This won’t be as big as OJ.  There are no cameras in the courtroom. So our eyes have to be the courtroom sketch artists.

What happens to those drawings when the trials end? Is there a secret art museum somewhere where we can go to see them?  Are there SoHo galleries that specialize in courtroom art?

In any event, in the Cosby case there probably won’t be an OJ style “dream team.” Robert Shapiro is too busy with LegalZoom and isn’t doing criminal trial work anymore.  Dershewitz probably doesn’t need the money.  Johnny Cochran isn’t around anymore.

Judge Steven O’Neill seems more able than the pathetic wimp Lance Ito to control a courtroom.

Court TV has been turned into a garbage rerun channel.  HLN’s trial stars Nancy Grace, Jane Velez-Mitchell and Dr. Drew have been put out to pasture.

Plus this trial is taking place in a suburb of Philadelphia, not Atlanta.  So the weather will be better than Phoenix (Jodi Arias,) Orlando (Casey Anthony) or Boulder (JonBenet Ramsey) but not good.

It’s hard to think of the once-beloved Cosby, now a doddering overweight and unattractive old man as a sexual predator. And even pictures from his younger days don’t bring to mind a pill peddling stud.

After his long absence from the public eye, Cosby decided he’d become an arbiter of taste and standards for American young people of color.  And he got up and said a lot of stuff, much of it helpful. Pull up your pants. Speak English.  That kind of thing.

He should have listened to himself, extracted the basic ideas and applied them to his own life.

What?

Here’s what someone should have told him before all this stuff with the various women happened.

Listen, Bill, philandering is not widely accepted as normal behavior even though it seems like many are doing it.  But if you’re going to do it, do it honestly.  Men can find women and women can find men who want to cheat. It’s not all that tough.  

If you restrict yourself to the eager… or at least to the willing, you’ll hurt no one but your spouse, and it doesn’t look like you care much about that.  You won’t have to fool anyone into believing you have their best interest at heart and you won’t have to imply that you’ll make them TV stars.

That takes away the thrill of the hunt.  But in the long run, it’s a better means to your end.  

Think of the misery you and others could have avoided.  And the public scorn you’re going to endure for the rest of your days no matter the outcome of this trial.

And remember the words of a fairly famous and still well regarded man who came from the same state you do in...

TODAY’S QUOTE:

-“Better to make an old girl happy than a young one miserable.” -- Benjamin Franklin

I’m Wes Richards. My opinions are my own but you’re welcome to them. ®

Please address comments to wesrichards@gmail.com

All sponsored content on this page is parody.

© WJR 2017

1803 Let's Make a Deal

Smallhands photo

Our President, The Magician, prides himself in his ability to make deals.  To tempt you with his prowess, he has just broken a contract with hundreds of other countries and wants to “renegotiate” the Paris Climate Accord.

His faithful audience roared its approval, telling us that was a good move for America because if he hadn’t, we’d be footing the bill for the UN’s administration and other countries’ participation.

His assistants, all of them former Rockettes, came on stage and took bows.  Nothing like a magician who shares the spotlight, although Jeff Sessions doesn’t look all that great in tights and heels.

But credit where it’s due. Hooray for The Magician. He just saved us trillions.  That’s dealmaking!

Now that he’s set the precedent, why not look at other deals that are bad for America and renegotiate those.

--The UN Charter:  This is another of those agreements where we are a junior partner. Oh, yes, we can veto anything we want in the Security Council.  But what about the General Assembly.  We should have veto power there, too.  If nothing else it would be a boon to the New York City Parking Violations Bureau.  Also, we wouldn’t have to put up with those pesky moves to feed and medicate poor children and attempt peace in the face of war.

-- NATO: Campaigning, The Magician said he wanted to withdraw.  That’s a bit extreme.  But defending our fellow members from any old attack?  Pishposh!  Do you care if Russia attacks Iceland?  Or Turkey? Especially Turkey.  They’re just a tool of the caliphate anyway.

-- THE FEDERAL RESERVE: Bunch of do nothing bankers sitting around fighting an inflation that never seems to happen.  Let some inflation in. It’ll make your bond portfolio and your villas more valuable. Oh… you don’t have any of that stuff?  Well, no matter. Real Americans all do.  You can, too. All you have to do is work harder.

-- THE TAX CODE: Did you know there are jillions of people who pay no taxes?  That’s because they don’t have much money.  They fall below the minimum income requirement.  They should pay their fair share. And the tax code, larger than the last pre-internet Manhattan phone book, is so complicated, no one understands it.  Understanding would help everyone who DOES fill out a return.  Plus the rich would get some serious breaks.  If we don’t lower their share, how will they afford their stock buybacks?  Especially if there’s inflation.  Put in something about “job creations” or “job creators” because somewhere, someone will actually hire someone to work full time. Maybe.  For awhile.

And why limit renegotiations to government agreements.  Here’s something that really needs renegotiation:

-- THE TEN COMMANDMENTS: Who, these days, covets someone else’s manservant?  Are there even any manservants left? If we took out the part about not committing murder, we could clear up all those court backups and clean up the street.  Drain the swamp. If we took out the part about not stealing, we’d free the banks and so many others to do in public what they now do behind closed doors -- steal.  

Oh, there are parts The Magician could leave in.  Things like loving your neighbor as yourself, honoring your mother and father.  The graven images thing.

But honoring the Sabbath?  That’s a job killer.  And there are two Commandments that deal with coveting.  We’ve already covered the servant part.  But what about your neighbor’s wife? Why not just trim them both into “thou shalt not covet,” and break it.

The perjury laws already cover the false testimony issue, so why double down on something that works.

And finally, White House spokesman Sean Spicer and other top assistants in the magic act say The Magician is on the fence about the one covering adultery. Check back for updates.

I’m Wes Richards. My opinions are my own but you’re welcome to them. ®

Please address comments to wesrichards@gmail.com

All sponsored content on this page is fake.

© WJR 2017

1802 Fidget Spinner Control

Fidget Spinner & cold dead hand. (NFA photo)

These things are all over the place.  People are twirling them, experimenting with them, trading them. And we at the NFA, the National Fidgetspinner Association, are proud to defend the right of every American to own them.

Fight?  Well, yes.  We have to fight. You see there’s a whole movement forming around a proposed ban.  Responsible, law abiding owners of these devices should be free to own, conceal- carry and use them where and when they choose.

Imagine this:  You’re on the subway and it stalls between stops.  Everyone’s nervous.  A good guy with a fidget spinner could calm the situation instantly.  And now the Liberal Establishment and its Soros-backed coalition of spineless, fear crazed lackeys are coming to get your spinner.  These are the people who need them the most. The nervous Nellies as President Johnson once called them.

They’re forcing dealers to force customers to fill out mountains of forms.  The federal government is doing background checks.  They’re cracking down on spinner shows held by real Americans in the great tradition of open markets, garage sales and swap meets.

Imagine this:  It’s a week before report cards are issued in the Moote Pointe Middle School and all the kids are restless and filled with fear.  A school cop with a fidget spinner could calm them all, one kid at a time.  But will school districts allow their security patrols to carry?  In some small communities, it’s legal.  But not in most.

Imagine this:  you’re in a darkened movie theater and you know the villain is about to stage a blindsiding attack on the damsel in distress.  People start to fidget with anticipation.  If they were carrying (concealed or openly,) no one would panic.

Or… it’s a dark and stormy night.  You get a flat tire, pull off the road and tap for help on your GEICO mobile app.  Then you wait and wait and wait for the tow truck.  If only you had a Fidget Spinner, the wait would seem shorter and you’d never have to fidget.  But no. Those Bloomberg-inspired lefties would have you stand there, shaking.

Or… it’s Junior Prom night.  You’re standing on her doorstep in your rented tuxedo, holding the corsage you’re going to pin on her dress and you’re shaking like a leaf.  Meantime, she’s inside waiting to be pinned and you’re both sweating bullets.  

If only you were allowed to carry.  If only.

GRAPESHOT:

-Drop a few of those spinners off here and there in the White House and maybe they’ll distract the Tweeter-in-Chief for awhile.

SHRAPNEL:

--All of a sudden the left has discovered States’ Rights, so often lionized by the right.  City after city and some states have decided they won’t follow the federal lead in abandoning the Paris climate agreement.  When the president says he represents the “people of Pittsburgh, not Paris” he’s wrong on the former.

I’m Wes Richards. My opinions are my own but you’re welcome to them. ®

Please address comments to wesrichards@gmail.com

All sponsored content on this page is fake.

© WJR 2017  

1801 Bonus: 20% Less, Same Low Price

Stolenimage photo

This is a quiz.  How many pieces of peanut are in the jar?  Closest guess gets the following grand prize:

--100 aspirins in a bottle that holds only 125 pills.

--a one pound carton of spaghetti that weighs a full pound, not 13.5 ounces or maybe 12.

--a pint of beer that has 16 ounces, not 14.

Containers for food and medicine must be mighty expensive, else they’d make more sizes so that you could reach the 30th of 30 anti-cholesterol pills in a bottle that could easily hold 300.

The other day we found a bottle of Advil that was full.  First thought: the filling machine lost count. But not so.  220 on the label, 220 in the bottle. (There was room for the “free” extra 20 in the bottle made for 200, but that’s an oversize within reason.)

Next time you buy a bottle of 200 low dose aspirin, note that the pills barely coat the bottom of the container. You could store two bags of M&Ms in that space.

But, you say, the bottles need to be visible on the shelf in the drug store or the grocery.  True. So make them taller and thinner and fill ‘em up.

The gas tank on a 2015 Toyota Camry holds 17 gallons, at least according to the owner’s manual.  But there’s really room for more and still have air space so the gas tank works properly.  Why?  Because we can’t read a fuel gauge?  Or see the ugly and distracting light on the dashboard that tells us we’d better land a refuel?

Who knows?

This trend toward auditorium size cans, bottles and gas tanks probably started with the clandestine price increases of candy bars and ice cream packages.  The price of a carton of ice cream has been fairly stable since the ice age.  The container size has been the same since the invention of cardboard.  But the contents shrink.  That’s a price increase.

If 220 pills fit in a 200 pill bottle of headache remedy, why can’t they just put in 220 all the time and raise the price a few cents.  

Full containers are more satisfying than ones that look like they’ve been raided and put back on the shelf.

And where did the 14 ounce “pint” come from?

I’m Wes Richards. My opinions are my own but you’re welcome to them. ®

Please address comments to wesrichards@gmail.com

All sponsored content on this page is fake.

© WJR 2017

  

1800 The Report Card

Photo by Paul Ryan/Deathpanel Images

It’s supposed to be about a report card.  So what’s the Caduceus picture doing here?  Well, the report card comes from Blue Cross.

And it’s an F, A big fat F for failure.  
Seems someone whose name I won’t mention failed to take his cholesterol medicine for 88 days last year. At least that’s why the failing grade.

How did they reach that figure?  Simple.  They know what you’re prescribed and how much they underpay for.  

What they don’t know is when your doctor changes your prescription and doesn’t tell them. And that is the case here.  The dose was reduced by half and the pills cut so there was a surplus.  That got straightened out in January.  But that hasn’t stopped Blue Cross from issuing an elaborately artful report card on magazine-slick heavy cardboard stock.

Of course the analysis of how this worked is speculation because it’s a closely guarded secret.  Everything having to do with medical insurance is a secret.  But before writing this post, some of the obvious possible spy cam locations in the house underwent close inspection.

There was nothing in any of the smoke alarms but smoke alarm stuff. The little imp statuette on the phone stand was clean as were the decorative gargoyles, the giant stuffed vulture and the elaborately framed dimestore Dali melting watch print.

The microwave oven passed inspection. The coffee maker showed no evidence of tampering and there’s a piece of duct tape covering the camera eye on the computer.

We vetted the exterminator, the mail delivery seeing eye dog, the UPS driver, the immediate neighbors and Vonage.  Also, a potted sunflower plant which is a recent arrival, and a tattered and rarely used copy of Webster’s Second Unabridged. None showed even a hint of an installed camera or transmitting device.

So at the amateur level of spying, it’s pretty safe to say they lied with statistics rather than planting spyware in the house.

But what if we missed something?  That could be a problem.  

After all why does everyone collect every datum on every man, woman, child, dog, cat, parakeet and pet fish in the world?

To sell and trade.

So here’s Blue Cross with all that info from the hidden cameras and other undiscovered clandestine devices. Not to mention the data they collect about one’s various conditions and preconditions, finances and regular medical attention.

But it’s not all bad. At least this report card is fairly consistent with those we’ve received from junior high through grad school.

TODAY’S QUOTE:

“Why does the richest family in America need a $152 billion tax break?” -- Sen. B. Sanders (I-VT) questioning budget director Mick Mulvaney about the end of the estate tax at a Senate hearing. (Mulvaney tried to evade the question and when forced to answer, couldn’t.)

SHRAPNEL:  

--The current Mrs. Trump touring the streets of Sicily, wearing a coat that cost $51,000. That’s just under the US median income.  Whatever happened to Pat Nixon’s “plain Republican cloth coat?”

Note to readers. Once again I have screwed up the blog’s numbering system. So to make housekeeping easier for now and harder for later, I’m calling this one 1800, which is probably one or two off.  Maybe I really DO deserve that failing grade from Blue Cross. If only I could have gone back in time and checked this stuff with Miss Rotundi or Mr. Themeus.

I’m Wes Richards. My opinions are my own but you’re welcome to them. ®

Please address comments to wesrichards@gmail.com

There is no period at the end of that sentence because putting one there would render the link inoperable.

All sponsored content on this page is parody.

© WJR 2017