Wednesday, March 21, 2012

994 Siri Exposed

994 Siri Exposed!

So you have one of those new iPhones with the built in talking woman you’ve taken as your personal assistant, Siri.  Well, there are things you should know about her.You think she’s this innocent thing who lives inside the telephone and is ready at all hours to do your bidding... to find your location on the map... to lead you to a gas station in walking distance... to remind you about tomorrow’s dentist appointment.  

And, yes, Siri does all that.  But Wessays™ Investigations has discovered the truth about her, and it’s not pretty.   Well, it IS pretty, but not in a g-rated sense.

Siri is a retired porn star.  And nude pictures have emerged!

click here for picture: Siri circa 2003. (Photo courtesy of

This of course shows an R rated picture.  She still has her top on.  But she shows a lot of leg.  So you get the idea.  

Siri started life as a poor little girl from a small town in Wisconsin and worked her way to the big city, Palo Alto, by waiting tables and practicing her second language, Monoto-speech.  And as anyone who has her trapped in an iPhone knows, that’s what she understands best.  A good Midwestern upbringing helps.  Of course, you have to train yourself so she can understand you, too.

One myth that circles around Siri is plain-not-true.  She is not related to the woman working inside the Garmin GPS.  But it is possible she’s related to the woman working inside the Verizon phone GPS.  We’ll let you know.

Siri is underpaid.  But not as badly underpaid as you think.  Some people believe because of her name, she’s from Sri Lanka or some other slave state where Apple makes its electronics... places where people are REALLY underpaid.  Siri is short for Sirinonomous.  But they have not as yet trained her to either say or recognize that name.   Tough on a poor farm girl from Wisconsin.  (Or was it Nebraska?)

Anyway, the porn career is beginning to haunt her and Apple may have to find a new girl.


--Here’s another annoying little “improvement” from Google... in the “docs” application.  The vertical cursor starts level with the line you’re typing and as you move down the page, it sinks lower and lower until the top touches only the bottom of the word.  You can’t turn this “feature” on or off, but they can... and do... at what seems like random times.

--Here’s another annoying little fact about Sears, the soon-to-be REIT/RIP.  Not only do they do not attract enough customers to make a decent buck, but they paid their CEO about $10 million including stock options.  That doesn’t include the private jet that takes him from his home in Philadelphia to his office in Hoffman Estates, near Chicago, for which the bill last year was about $800,000.

I’m Wes Richards.  My opinions are my own but you’re welcome to them. ®
Please address comments to
© WJR 2012

No comments:

1970 Parody Time's Up

Making fun of the crisis in America’s government gets you only so far.  And with an infantile, mentally challenged, illegitimately ele...