The two of them used to meet four times a year, alternating at each others’ apartments. One time here, one time there. As they got older and traveling got harder, they made it twice a year, which is how they do it now, only they meet on neutral territory in midtown. Hard traveling.
Schlomo Tzedaka the Last Bronx Jew and Augie Galiano the Last Flatbush Italian got together at Ronnybrook Milk Bar at 9th and 16th. Usually, they pick somewhere on the D line because it’s convenient.
So here they are at Ronny’s for the spring sit down, where the real problems of the real world get solved by these two old coots from different cultures that aren’t all that different.
“We’re here because of Dr. Oz,” says Augie. “Yeah,” ads ‘Mo. “That guy wants us all to go green, so here we are at a (expletive deleted) milk bar. Got milk? Got granola? Got crunchy stuff you don’t know what it is dipped in goo you also don’t know what it is?”
Augie says “the guy Oz gives me the creeps. Skinny guy. Doesn’t know how to eat! Runs around on stage. Says he’s a big time professor at Columbia.”
‘Mo: “I wonder if he runs around his classroom like he runs around on TV. Plus when does he have time to teach, he’s so busy telling us what we should be doing that we’re not.”
Augie: “The ladies love him. Exotic guy. Turkish or something. Looks great in scrubs. I gotta tape it for Fortunata if she’s not home to watch. Personally, I don’t see it. I don’t get it.”
‘Mo: “You can’t get a decent hot dog and a cup of real coffee in this joint. Let’s get out of here and find a cart.”
Augie: “Deal. We can find our own ‘exotic.’ A dollar says the first cart we come to, it’s a skinny guy... speaks only Arabic.”
So the Spring Sit Down turns out to be a Spring Stand Up.
Augie wins the dollar. “So who you voting for President this time?”
‘Mo: “Gotta be that kid from Kenya with the funny name. You?”
Aug: “I wanted Bloomberg. Get him the hell out of City Hall. But I guess it’s going to be that Moslem guy, same as you.”
‘Mo: “Think we could get Dr. Phil to run?”
Aug: “You mean Dr. Oz, right?”
‘Mo: “Yeah. Him, too.”
Shrapnel (Dick Cheney edition):
--Conservative activist Dick Cheney’s new heart wasn’t cheap, but fortunately as a retired member of congress he has pretty good health insurance. Still, his friends are worried about his finances and will hold a contest and fundraiser. The winner gets to go duck hunting with him.
--Previously, Cheney had one of those electric shock things installed, the gizmo that sends out an electric charge that re-starts your heart when it stops. What happens, do you think, if a guy with one of those gets Tasered? Don’t know... but it’s a nice thought.
I’m Wes Richards. My opinions are my own but you’re welcome to them. ®
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