4522 The Palace Are Mortified

4522 The Palace Are Mortified

Prince Andrew, pompous windbag and friend of hanged child molester Jeffrey Epstein, says he "asked her majesty for permission to step back from (his) public duties and she agreed."

Here’s how the conversation went, according to people who were listening to but spoke anonymously because, well, that’s the proper thing to do:

"Mum, what do I do now?"

"Andrew, go crawl under a royal rock."

Her Majesty's thought balloon: "Charles. Camilla. Diana. Andrew. Where the **** did I go wrong? Oh, if only that drooling, balmy Philip were occasionally coherent, he'd know what to do.”

The Palace are mortified.

Later, Her Majesty was asked by the Royal Archivist to comment for the record.  She said “I don’t think it’s proper for me to say anything. After all, I didn’t know him very well.” And she added “Perhaps I should have a second gin and tonic this morning.” 

It’s five o’clock somewhere… in the Empire. Who says America can’t teach the Brits something about deniability?

Andrew is Prince of Denmark. So among his other charities, he’s working to bring solar panels to Copenhagen. Asked about this, the real Queen of Denmark, Margarethe II said “I don’t recall having a son named Andrew. 

But there’s some English guy who keeps calling the palace and wanting to install batteries on the roof of my house.  Maybe it’s one of those phone scams. I don’t pick up the phone anymore unless caller ID says its someone I know.  And Denmark is a pretty small country, so I know most of the people.”

Historical note: Charles is trying the same project in Wales.  It’s a shorter commute.

They used to call Prince Andrew “Randy Andy.”  So, what’s surprising about his cavorting with girls young enough to be his granddaughter?

He says “I never really partied.” Aw c’mon.  That’s like trump saying he “opened the Apple factory in Texas” the other day. You know the one… it’s been running since 2013.

That no-partying claim echoes some similar old time denials:

“I am not a crook.”

“I did not have sexual relations with that woman, Ms. Lewinsky”

It’s like when your six-year-old has a face full of grape jelly and peanut butter on his fingers and he says “it wasn’t me.”

Or when you voice impatience to the auto mechanic and he replies “You’re next.”

Pulleeze.

You want specifics about Randy?  Go find ‘em. They’re all over the internet. Have been since Al Gore invented it.

Well, there’s one point of light in Andrew’s rambling musings since his thoroughly boring and far too lengthy interview with the BBC: He says he’ll cooperate with law enforcement investigating his mentor, the late-great Epstein… “if required.”

I’m Wes Richards. My opinions are my own but you’re welcome to them. ® 

Please send comments to wesrichards@gmail.com

© WJR 2019

1504 First Name Basis

Napoleon.  Liberace. Madonna. Sting. Cher. Cantinflas. Pink. Kreskin. Twiggy. Vampira.

See… famous people with only one name. Of course, they all had first and last names.  But when you say Rihanna, everyone knows who you’re talking about. Or Houdini.  Or even someone who two famous names but you only use one.  Say “Einstein” and everyone knows you’re talking about Albert Einstein.

So why do people use one name?  It’s different (though not as different as it once was.) It’s catchy if you spell it phonetically (unlike Sade.)  But some people hide behind a single name in hopes you won’t remember who they are.

Like John Ellis Bush.

He’s been known as “Jeb” for most of his life.  Kind of easy when (a) your family is big and famous, (b) your first and last names start with consonants and your middle name starts with a vowel, (c ) you don’t want people to remember your last name {because it is} (1) hard to say, (2) too hard to remember, (3) to easy to remember, (4) a blight on the landscape.

Hence John Ellis Bush is “Jeb.”  Good thing it wasn’t John Samuel Bush.  How would you pronounce “Jsb?”

In Jeb’s case, we go for C-4.

When you’re the grandson of a US Senator, the son of one president and the brother of another, what does it say about you when you don’t want people to remember that too clearly?  And what does it say about underestimating the memory of the electorate.  No one either forgets or ignores what would typically be considered a lofty political pedigree?

Democratic candidate Bernie Sanders was born Bernie Sanders. His father’s name was Eli Sanders. Eli was born in Poland.  C’mon! No one from Poland is named “Sanders.” So you can bet Bernie’s New England-tinged Brooklynese that the name was changed either by the hurried and essentially illiterate clerks on Ellis Island or by Eli himself… after all, that was back in the day when everyone who came here wanted to fit in here.

Bill Clinton’s birth name was William Jefferson Blyth III. Blyth probably fits the man better than “Clinton.”  But the legal change came under extenuating circumstances and he’s never tried to hide it.

So here he is, John Ellis Bush.  The guy everyone thought would waltz into the Republican nomination.  And with the same silver foot he inherited from his “Poppy,” with every word he speaks, with every step he takes, he walks either into a wall or atop one of those land mines just like his brother and father blew up in the middle east.

You have to feel sorry for the guy in a way.  He never seemed to realize that in order to run, your feet should first be on the ground.

Shrapnel:

--Remembering Mario Biaggi, a hero in many a Bronx home, and who has died at 97. They sent him away once for accepting a low-priced Florida vacation he maybe shouldn’t have. But he got his revenge by outliving his foes and we remember him now as a public servant who knew how to serve the public and did so.

I’m Wes Richards. My opinions are my own but you’re welcome to them. ®

Please address comments to Wesrichards@gmail.com

© WJR 2015