4522 The Palace Are Mortified

4522 The Palace Are Mortified

Prince Andrew, pompous windbag and friend of hanged child molester Jeffrey Epstein, says he "asked her majesty for permission to step back from (his) public duties and she agreed."

Here’s how the conversation went, according to people who were listening to but spoke anonymously because, well, that’s the proper thing to do:

"Mum, what do I do now?"

"Andrew, go crawl under a royal rock."

Her Majesty's thought balloon: "Charles. Camilla. Diana. Andrew. Where the **** did I go wrong? Oh, if only that drooling, balmy Philip were occasionally coherent, he'd know what to do.”

The Palace are mortified.

Later, Her Majesty was asked by the Royal Archivist to comment for the record.  She said “I don’t think it’s proper for me to say anything. After all, I didn’t know him very well.” And she added “Perhaps I should have a second gin and tonic this morning.” 

It’s five o’clock somewhere… in the Empire. Who says America can’t teach the Brits something about deniability?

Andrew is Prince of Denmark. So among his other charities, he’s working to bring solar panels to Copenhagen. Asked about this, the real Queen of Denmark, Margarethe II said “I don’t recall having a son named Andrew. 

But there’s some English guy who keeps calling the palace and wanting to install batteries on the roof of my house.  Maybe it’s one of those phone scams. I don’t pick up the phone anymore unless caller ID says its someone I know.  And Denmark is a pretty small country, so I know most of the people.”

Historical note: Charles is trying the same project in Wales.  It’s a shorter commute.

They used to call Prince Andrew “Randy Andy.”  So, what’s surprising about his cavorting with girls young enough to be his granddaughter?

He says “I never really partied.” Aw c’mon.  That’s like trump saying he “opened the Apple factory in Texas” the other day. You know the one… it’s been running since 2013.

That no-partying claim echoes some similar old time denials:

“I am not a crook.”

“I did not have sexual relations with that woman, Ms. Lewinsky”

It’s like when your six-year-old has a face full of grape jelly and peanut butter on his fingers and he says “it wasn’t me.”

Or when you voice impatience to the auto mechanic and he replies “You’re next.”

Pulleeze.

You want specifics about Randy?  Go find ‘em. They’re all over the internet. Have been since Al Gore invented it.

Well, there’s one point of light in Andrew’s rambling musings since his thoroughly boring and far too lengthy interview with the BBC: He says he’ll cooperate with law enforcement investigating his mentor, the late-great Epstein… “if required.”

I’m Wes Richards. My opinions are my own but you’re welcome to them. ® 

Please send comments to wesrichards@gmail.com

© WJR 2019

1244 Frankie and Johnnie

1244 Frankie and Johnnie

These guys aren’t exactly household names, though you’re more likely to know about John.

For Frank, you have to have a long memory and some mileage on your personal odometer.

Frank was Frank Wills the rent-a-cop who discovered the Watergate break-in that brought down President Nixon and brought a lifetime of fame or infamy to countless “personalities” of the era.

What happened to Wills thereafter was less American Dream than American nightmare.

Wills died in 2009 with barely a nickel to his name.  No job. No nuthin’.  He died as he was born, poor and wanting.   A shame, really.

Now there’s John Pike.  John was the rent-a-cop who pepper sprayed a bunch of sitting students during an “occupy” demonstration at the University of California-Davis in 2011.

And Pike is no Frank.  After video of his behavior went viral, he was fired.  And now, he’s been awarded $38,000 for his trouble, the kind of thing that would land a civilian in jail -- and rightfully so.

The victims of his shower of blindness each got about 30-grand.  That’s part of a big suit and settlement that pitted UC against a bunch of kids with the sight of sore eyes.

Why not give John the Frank-treatment?  Well, gentle readers, it’s because he’s depressed.  Awww.  Who isn’t these days?

No, really.  He got death threats.  He felt terribly guilty, or so his lawyers intimate.  He’s just a big bowl of the shakes.

This is exactly the kind of thing that happens when you put untrained and inexperienced people in jobs that demand restraint.  Not to say that experienced and trained people in New York’s Occupy behaved any better.  But none that we know of got a decent payday for pushing, shoving, clubbing, intimidating or otherwise making life miserable for a bunch of idealistic if not misguided and confused kids in lower Manhattan.

Occupy was a movement without a cause.  Or at least it was a movement with only a vague sense of a cause and of the way causes are fought for.  They had some good points when you could squeeze a straight answer out of them.  But that’s not what this is about.

If John were a civilian, it would have been illegal for him to have pepper spray -- at least in most places.  It would have been illegal-er for him to use it.  Not a huge crime. But a crime nonetheless.

But the uniform?  It changes things.  That blue suit means something.  What it means is defend when attacked, not attack at random.

So life ended badly for Frank Wills.  And we don’t yet know how things will work out for John Pike.  

That 38-thousand dollar check won’t go very far after taxes.  He’s not going to get endorsements from weapons makers.  The NRA won’t make him a hero because pepper spray is not lethal.

His next act may have to be an endorsement contract with some maker of antidepressants.

Shrapnel:

--Time Magazine (yes, it’s still around, believe it or not) has started on the kind of campaign that founder Henry Luce would use to boost his friends and slay his enemies.  It has started making Prince Charles of England into a world leader, since he is first in line to succeed Queen Elizabeth, who -- contrary to popular perspective is not immortal.  So they’re pointing out his every little good deed in hopes of distracting the world’s attention from a stiff with a wife who is the dream queen of the supermarket tabloid scandal mongers.

I’m Wes Richards. My opinions are my own but you’re welcome to them. ®

Please address comments to wesrichards@gmail.com

© WJR 2013