4522 The Palace Are Mortified

4522 The Palace Are Mortified

Prince Andrew, pompous windbag and friend of hanged child molester Jeffrey Epstein, says he "asked her majesty for permission to step back from (his) public duties and she agreed."

Here’s how the conversation went, according to people who were listening to but spoke anonymously because, well, that’s the proper thing to do:

"Mum, what do I do now?"

"Andrew, go crawl under a royal rock."

Her Majesty's thought balloon: "Charles. Camilla. Diana. Andrew. Where the **** did I go wrong? Oh, if only that drooling, balmy Philip were occasionally coherent, he'd know what to do.”

The Palace are mortified.

Later, Her Majesty was asked by the Royal Archivist to comment for the record.  She said “I don’t think it’s proper for me to say anything. After all, I didn’t know him very well.” And she added “Perhaps I should have a second gin and tonic this morning.” 

It’s five o’clock somewhere… in the Empire. Who says America can’t teach the Brits something about deniability?

Andrew is Prince of Denmark. So among his other charities, he’s working to bring solar panels to Copenhagen. Asked about this, the real Queen of Denmark, Margarethe II said “I don’t recall having a son named Andrew. 

But there’s some English guy who keeps calling the palace and wanting to install batteries on the roof of my house.  Maybe it’s one of those phone scams. I don’t pick up the phone anymore unless caller ID says its someone I know.  And Denmark is a pretty small country, so I know most of the people.”

Historical note: Charles is trying the same project in Wales.  It’s a shorter commute.

They used to call Prince Andrew “Randy Andy.”  So, what’s surprising about his cavorting with girls young enough to be his granddaughter?

He says “I never really partied.” Aw c’mon.  That’s like trump saying he “opened the Apple factory in Texas” the other day. You know the one… it’s been running since 2013.

That no-partying claim echoes some similar old time denials:

“I am not a crook.”

“I did not have sexual relations with that woman, Ms. Lewinsky”

It’s like when your six-year-old has a face full of grape jelly and peanut butter on his fingers and he says “it wasn’t me.”

Or when you voice impatience to the auto mechanic and he replies “You’re next.”

Pulleeze.

You want specifics about Randy?  Go find ‘em. They’re all over the internet. Have been since Al Gore invented it.

Well, there’s one point of light in Andrew’s rambling musings since his thoroughly boring and far too lengthy interview with the BBC: He says he’ll cooperate with law enforcement investigating his mentor, the late-great Epstein… “if required.”

I’m Wes Richards. My opinions are my own but you’re welcome to them. ® 

Please send comments to wesrichards@gmail.com

© WJR 2019

1244 Frankie and Johnnie

1244 Frankie and Johnnie

These guys aren’t exactly household names, though you’re more likely to know about John.

For Frank, you have to have a long memory and some mileage on your personal odometer.

Frank was Frank Wills the rent-a-cop who discovered the Watergate break-in that brought down President Nixon and brought a lifetime of fame or infamy to countless “personalities” of the era.

What happened to Wills thereafter was less American Dream than American nightmare.

Wills died in 2009 with barely a nickel to his name.  No job. No nuthin’.  He died as he was born, poor and wanting.   A shame, really.

Now there’s John Pike.  John was the rent-a-cop who pepper sprayed a bunch of sitting students during an “occupy” demonstration at the University of California-Davis in 2011.

And Pike is no Frank.  After video of his behavior went viral, he was fired.  And now, he’s been awarded $38,000 for his trouble, the kind of thing that would land a civilian in jail -- and rightfully so.

The victims of his shower of blindness each got about 30-grand.  That’s part of a big suit and settlement that pitted UC against a bunch of kids with the sight of sore eyes.

Why not give John the Frank-treatment?  Well, gentle readers, it’s because he’s depressed.  Awww.  Who isn’t these days?

No, really.  He got death threats.  He felt terribly guilty, or so his lawyers intimate.  He’s just a big bowl of the shakes.

This is exactly the kind of thing that happens when you put untrained and inexperienced people in jobs that demand restraint.  Not to say that experienced and trained people in New York’s Occupy behaved any better.  But none that we know of got a decent payday for pushing, shoving, clubbing, intimidating or otherwise making life miserable for a bunch of idealistic if not misguided and confused kids in lower Manhattan.

Occupy was a movement without a cause.  Or at least it was a movement with only a vague sense of a cause and of the way causes are fought for.  They had some good points when you could squeeze a straight answer out of them.  But that’s not what this is about.

If John were a civilian, it would have been illegal for him to have pepper spray -- at least in most places.  It would have been illegal-er for him to use it.  Not a huge crime. But a crime nonetheless.

But the uniform?  It changes things.  That blue suit means something.  What it means is defend when attacked, not attack at random.

So life ended badly for Frank Wills.  And we don’t yet know how things will work out for John Pike.  

That 38-thousand dollar check won’t go very far after taxes.  He’s not going to get endorsements from weapons makers.  The NRA won’t make him a hero because pepper spray is not lethal.

His next act may have to be an endorsement contract with some maker of antidepressants.

Shrapnel:

--Time Magazine (yes, it’s still around, believe it or not) has started on the kind of campaign that founder Henry Luce would use to boost his friends and slay his enemies.  It has started making Prince Charles of England into a world leader, since he is first in line to succeed Queen Elizabeth, who -- contrary to popular perspective is not immortal.  So they’re pointing out his every little good deed in hopes of distracting the world’s attention from a stiff with a wife who is the dream queen of the supermarket tabloid scandal mongers.

I’m Wes Richards. My opinions are my own but you’re welcome to them. ®

Please address comments to wesrichards@gmail.com

© WJR 2013

795 There He Goes Again

795 There He Goes Again.

The Nixon Library has released a new batch of formerly secret tapes he made while president. They break no new ground -- it's all stuff we'd heard of him saying in the past. But there are some dandy things here to reinforce what we already know.

>>American Jews are aggressive and obnoxious (including Kissinger and William Safire,) but Israeli Jews are not.

>>Irishmen drink too much and always turn mean afterward.

>>Italians don't have "their heads screwed on tight," but are "nice people."

>>Blacks should "inbreed" to improve, but are physically strong and "...some of them are smart."

All this stuff happened in the first few months of 1973, just before the Watergate scandal completely chewed up Nixon and his administration then spat them out.

The Nixon Library is going to make this stuff available on the internet, supposedly before the end of 2012. A feast for the ears, if you can actually understand what's being said. For a smart guy, Nixon was pretty dumb about saying the stuff he said within hearing range of his own secret microphones.

Nixon wasn't the worst anti-Semite or racist, or even the most effective one in American History. But he was the man we loved to hate. And much of that wasn't because of what he said or did or didn't do. It was because he was Richard Nixon. And that's a cautionary tale for today's crowd of politicians.

Many of us loved to hate him because he came off as cold, woodenly stiff and scared. He seemed to connive even when he didn't, was shifty-eyed and a blubberer. These are not admirable qualities in a politician. We loved to hate him because he surrounded himself with people like Haldeman and Ehrlichman and Mitchell and Liddy and scads of other night crawlers. These are not the kind of guys you want controlling a president's policies or politics or legal actions.

If you're in politics, Richard Nixon is your template for how not to appear. What you do out of range of YOUR tapes is your own business.

(Disclaimer: your correspondent voted for this guy in both '68 and '72, even while knowing more or less what was going on with him.)

Shrapnel:

-- Thanks to all of you who liked the tribute to Ed Koch and to the 59th Street Bridge. Even people who dislike your correspondent and Ed had good things to say. Ed was there for you ... were you there for him?

--We all know there is no Mafia. But there have been some inexplicable rub outs (or is it "rubs out?") in New York and now you can get a six dollar phone app from iTunes to see where and when they were. Paul Castellano, Joey Gallo and a raft of lesser ordinary businessmen come alive on your iPhone. Strange, but not the silliest iPhone app.

--PA highway sign update: For two days they played a radio alert warning about weather conditions and the weather was fine. When we finally got a pretty decent snow, they stopped the message and the flashing lights on the signs. Your tax dollars at work -- again!

I'm Wes Richards. My opinions are my own but you're welcome to them.®

©WJR 2010