Note: This space has thumped Trump. Now it’s time to pillory Hillary. This is parody. And fiction.
Another triumph for Wessayleaks℠. We have unearthed the top secret recording of one of Hillary Clinton’s speeches to a well known Wall Street investment bank:
1686 The Clinton Speeches
“Boys, we have a good deal going and I’m happy to be here today to urge (stops, coughs) you to allow me to continue and expand what (stops, coughs) we have built together all these years.
(Stops, coughs, burly aide brings her a bottle of a clear liquid said to be water. Another burly aide pushes a chair next to the podium and adjusts the microphone so she can continue speaking seated.) The speech continues:
“In fact, I a few months ago I received a letter from your chairman which I (stops, coughs) which I would like to read part of to you now. Oh. I left it on the podium…
(Both burly aides reappear on stage, lift Mrs. Clinton up and help her to the podium. She retrieves a piece of paper and then the burly aides help her return to the chair.)
“Thank you, gentlemen. One of you bring me my box of Halls cough drops, please. Now, to the letter: Dear Madam Secretary just a note to tell you how much we enjoyed the brief talk last month and hope to see you again soon. In the meantime I also hope that little cough has cleared up. Sincerely, Roger Rhodium.”
(Burly aide reappears with cough drops one of which she unwraps and puts in her mouth.)
“These are Halls Mentho (stops, coughs) Mentholyptus sugar- free cough drops. They really do the trick. Have for me for months now. (Stops, sips from bottle of clear liquid, said to be water.)
“Now to the topic at hand, regulation. As you know if you’ve been following my numerous press conferences I have been telling the media that I plan to propose a series of regulations to make the disclosure of the fees you charge your clients lower and more transparent.
“In fact, I wrote such legislation while I was the US Senator from New York. Unfortunately, the basic legislation was housed on my home email server and I ...um… inadvertently erased it while I was pouring over many thousands of pages and mistakenly deleted some.
“But no matter. Just between us boys, that legislation was lost forever. I will not publicly disclose that fact even though I’ve said I plan to have the bill reintroduced. So, breathe easy. Your fees are safe. And secret.
(Burly aide reappears on stage.)
“Get back where you belong George. I don’t need you now. That’ll be all.
“Since this information and similar occurrences are private communications between all of you and myself, I know I can trust you to keep what I just told you confidential.
“I want to thank you for your attention this afternoon and wish you all the best for a profitable coming four years.
“Meantime, if any of you wish time with me for a private meeting or phone call, please see one of my assistants during the Oneg Shabbat that follows this little talk. They’ll be happy to provide you with a fee schedule. Otherwise, please enjoy the pastries from the Sherry B dessert Studio of Chappaqua and the coffee harvested in Haiti and packaged by the Clinton Foundation’s roaster in Port Au Prince.”
(Burly aides appear on stage to help the speaker off the platform.)
This story is fiction, a product of the author’s imagination. Any resemblance to people living or dead is purely occidental.
I’m Wes Richards. My opinions are my own but you’re welcome to them. ®
Please address comments to email@example.com
© WJR 2016