1748 Rethinking Congress
Let’s pay our congressmen and women by the pound.
Blake Farenthold (R-TX) Soon to be nouveau riche
We’ll have weigh-ins once a month and that will do several things:
- Determine the following month’s pay.
- Get them to Washington more than three days a week.
- Help them avoid actual work, something in which they need no training. The line for the scale will be so long, they can spend hours waiting.
As a society, we’ve learned to take our shoes off at the drop of a TSA hat. So there’ll be no problem for Rep. Blake Farenthold of Texas removing them for the weigh in. But there are some who are too thin, and maybe they’ll have to put fishing weights in their shoes.
Of course, this would encourage our employees to overeat. No worries. There’s plenty of food to go around.
(And no, they won’t have to disrobe further. The sight of naked congressmen and women is even more repulsive than the site of them fully clothed.)
But in America we must complicate everything. It’s in the Constitution. Look it up. So here’s something else to do: a bonus for low IQs. We can’t be having smart people in the house or senate, now can we? Do we want someone who can actually think beyond his belly? Of course not. Smart people are dangerous. IQs at about room temperature would be ideal.
Hmmm. Do we really need a Senate? Yes, temporarily. But let’s start phasing it out. Zap one southern state and one northern state at a time. If we run out of small northern states with elephantine sway, we can always start on the far west and the midwest where we can do without all kinds of places.
--For those thinking of leaving the US because of the change in Presidents, strike Poland from your bucket list. Air pollution abounds. People without two Zoltys to rub together are burning garbage for heat.
--An Oxfam report says eight men are as wealthy as 3.6 billion people combined, the bottom half of the world. The names: Bill Gates (Microsoft,) Amanico Ortega (Intidex fashions,) Warren Buffett (Berkshire Hathaway,) Carlos Sim (Mexico Telco,) Jeff Bezos (Amazon.com,) Mark Zuckerberg (Facebook,) Larry Ellison (Oracle) and Mike Bloomberg (Bloomberg LP.) Obscene.
--There are two main lists of the world’s billionaires. The Forbes 400 never mentions anyone named Forbes (probably with good reason.) And the Bloomberg list never mentions anyone named Bloomberg.
-Not to be outdone, the president will start his own magazine with its own top moneybags list:
-Trump, Donald (New York)
-Trump, Ivanka (D.C.)
-Trump, Melodious (Kiev)
-Trump, Dondon (New York)
-Kushner, Jared (New Jersey)
-Trump, Todd (Ohio)
-Trump, Don (Florida)
-Trump, Fred (Arizona)
-Trump, Hubert (Indiana)
-Trump, Angelica (Oregon)
-“I’ll run if I can walk.” Joe Biden on his plans for the 2020 presidential election when he’ll be 78.
I’m Wes Richards. My opinions are my own but you’re welcome to them. ®
Please address comments to firstname.lastname@example.org
All sponsored content on this page is fake.
© WJR 2017