Monday, January 30, 2017

1751 Give it up, Eddie

1751 Give it up, Eddie
Retail Genus Eddie Lampert

Mr. Tchaikovsky wants to go bowling but hates crowds. Mrs. Tchaikovskya says she knows a place that’s both crowd and cost free, but you have to bring your own ball and shoes.

Kmart or Sears.

No employees, no customers.  No stock. No nuthin’.

You can bowl all the way from Kenmore to Craftsman and never hit another human being.  Mrs. T says she’ll set up a bunch of car jacks to act as pins if Mr. T will do the same for her.

What else you gonna do in those sorry former stores?  

Owner Eddie Lampert is about to sink another billion into this shopperless shopping disaster as Wall Street which says they need at least twice that to stay afloat is starting betting pools for which month they go belly up.

Oddsmakers’ early line: win, place, show.  August, September, November.

Eddie’s dream of transforming his properties into some kind of retail monolith is dead.  It’s time to close up shop, Ed.

Of course there are those who thought Lampert wanted to turn Sears Holdings into a real estate investment trust. When he bought in, the company had thousands of acres of prime space nationwide. But the commercial real estate market tanked right about then. And ever since, they’ve been selling land off piecemeal just to make payroll and keep the lights on.

Once again this month, they cut employment, mostly at the Kmart division.  They’ve sold the Craftsman tool brand.  And what’s the future for Kenmore appliances, once the pride of the appliance industry but now just another brand among many?

You can’t recover by shedding assets.  There is no reason to go into one of your stores.  Wal-mart, Target, Macy’s, Kohl’s (both with troubles of their own,) and lately Amazon Com have not only eaten your lunch, they’ve kidnapped your customers.

Say goodnight, Eddie.  Close up and walk away from the mess you bought and the hot mess you’ve turned it into.

Let the Tchaikovskys pay at the bowling alley like anyone else.

-The US is becoming the Kmart of nations; aimless, lost, poorly managed and married to our glorious past and our image as first among first world countries.

--The president has been signing a lot of “executive actions,” and most of us don’t know what they are and confuse them with “executive orders.”  An “action” is an informal suggestion or recommendation.  But an order is equivalent to law.

--So, if the president signs an executive action stating all incoming Syrian refugees must stand on their heads when applying for asylum, they don’t have to. Of course if they don’t, the prez will get even. He’ll build a special camp for those who remain on their feet.

We report with sadness the passing of radio personality Herb Oscar Anderson, a long time favorite in New York City and vicinity. He was a happy guy and knew how to spread that happiness to his listeners. Anderson was 88.

 A message from Blue Health
 No doubt you’ve just received your February 2017 bill. Please note there’s some extra information this time. We’ve included our non-discrimination policy because discrimination is illegal.
 However, usury is not.  But don’t worry, we’re here to help. So if you’re having trouble with your newly increased payment, don’t hesitate to give our financial aid office a call at 1 855-My Shark. Open Mon-Sat 8a-4:30p Eastern. The call is free and so is the advice.

I’m Wes Richards. My opinions are my own but you’re welcome to them. ®
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© WJR 2017

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