Oh, if only we could jump into the time machine and re-live the 2016 election. No, this is not an anti-Trump diatribe. It’s about why a seeing eye dog drives the post office truck that occasionally delivers mail to the Wessays™ Secret Mountainside Laboratory.
And the dog has a license, a dog license, So it’s a perfect match.
Pitbull Graphix photo/S.Marshall
You should see these guys together. They work like a well oiled machine. Sometimes, though, things foul up and here come three examples. You’ll see why the time machine would be helpful.
Last September the request went in to the Board of Elections. A request for an absentee ballot for the November 8th election. When there was no response by the week of the 20th of October, it was time to call.
“Oh,” said the lady on the phone “we sent that to you on the 18th. You should have it any day now.”
Nope.
A week later, a panicked voter called again.
“It went out on the 18th. It’ll be there in time.”
Nope.
Even if it had been, the deadline was at the end of the month and there would be no time to return the filled out ballot by then.
Third call: “I’ve cancelled my trip, can I still vote in person?”
Yep.
So, down to the polling place on election day and before they’d allow a vote, they had to go through a big stack of returned ballots to make sure I wasn’t voting twice.
I wasn’t.
I didn’t.
On the afternoon of Tuesday, April 25th, 2017, there it was in the mailbox. The ballot had arrived. Do the math. Wait. Never mind, here’s the math. That’s 189 days after it was postmarked.
You’d figure that something that had been floating around in the postal system all that time or had fallen onto the floor at a sorting center somewhere would be tattered and torn.
Nope. It was pristine. Clean as new. Gallery Quality. An eBay listing to sell it could call it “mint.”
Call the post office and complain? Again, Nope. No one would believe me and anyway, how could I prove it?
But it’s true.
Example 2: Around the time the ballot arrived, so did a letter from Blue Cross. “Hey, guy, you missed your April 1st payment. If we don’t get it post haste, you’ll lose your health insurance.”
That check went out the same day as the spouse’s. Same mailbox. Same time. Her’s was cashed.
April 15th and Blue Cross got the check.
Example 3: The condo fee is due on the first of the month. That check got mailed a few days late. By the end of April it hadn’t been cashed. So I called.
“Oh, I just got that the other day” says the realty management lady. Took almost three weeks to get the four miles between condo and realty management office.
I hand delivered the May check.
Saved a stamp. But the cost of gasoline and five minutes at a downtown parking meter zeroed out the the gain.
TODAY’S QUOTE:
“Nobody dies from not having health care.” -- Misrepresentative Raul Labrador (R-ID.)
I’m Wes Richards. My opinions are my own but you’re welcome to them. ®
All sponsored content on this page is parody.
© WJR 2017
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