Monday, February 12, 2007

Political Quick Takes

202 Political Quick Takes

Try as we will to keep politics out of this, it’s tough to withhold comment on the current crop of dwarves seeking the 2008 Presidential nominations. Herewith is the early assessment.

Obama: Lil’ Bratz’ answer to Barbie’s Ken.

Romney: Better off mitt out. Insufficent bedroom capacity in White House.

Bayh: Bye bye.

Giuliani: 9/11 prematurely slows or ends the merry martinet’s political death spiral. Eight years of one-man rule in the White House is enough. Remember Bernie Kerik.

Schweitzer: Brian ain’t no Albert.

Dodd: Dudd.

Biden: Senator from America’s Corporate Paradise.

Vilsack: Who?

Hegel: Who?

Cox: Who?

Paul: Who?

Hunter: Who?

Huckabee: Sounds like part of the punch line for a joke about NASCAR.

Brownback: Needs more Intelligent Design

Thompson: Mr. Welfare reform should stick to what he knows. What DOES he know?

Edwards: The present President was a cheerleader between drinks at college. One was enough. No need for a Hairdresser-in-Chief.

Pataki: Oh, Please! Proof that New York State can function without a governor.

Clark: No one named Wes is all bad. That said, this is General Windup (not to be confused with General Electric.)

Gingrich: Broke contract once to our universal benefit. No second chance.

Frist: Can’t spell his own name. And would you trust this doctor with your mother’s health?

McCain: Plays James Dean’s “Rebel” while channeling Reagan.

Richardson: What kind of Hispanic is named Richardson?

Gore: Gippetto’s finest handiwork still not ready for prime time.

Clinton: Wait for the second version of the operating system. US Robotics and Microsoft working on a fix.

Now some long shots:

Imus: Probably should be the Libertarian Party candidate.

Bloomberg: Like Perot before him, one decent idea, executed relatively well, makes him appear to feel omnipotent, but unlike Perot, he’s sane.

Schwarzenegger: Candidacy resulting in a possible win would require a Constitutional amendment, for which there isn’t enough time. A tax and spend Republican, though.

Rice: A black Republican woman? Sure. Ready now.

Sanders: A Jewish boy from Brooklyn who represents Vermont in the Senate? (See Rice.)

Powell: To the Bushies, he’s Wellstone. To the Wellstoners he’s Bush without the war.

Sharpton: Charlie Rangel without the brains.

Mencia: Comedy Central standup star is this column’s personal choice. But would require the Schwarzenegger Amendment.

Other than Carlos Mencia, this is a pretty sorry lot. We can only hope that someone will emerge who is not a right or left wing whacko. Of course, today’s left wing whacko is yesterday’s moderate. Thank Ronnie for that one. He upset the natural swing of the pendulum and the natural scale before which it swings. And we bought the changes.

I’m Wes Richards and I approved this message.

Paid for by the Friends of Wes Richards for President Committee,

(c) 2007 WJR

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