Friday, July 31, 2020

4622 Code Blue in the Exorcism Ward

Does she accept Blue Cross or Kaiser insurance?
Does she accept Blue Cross or Kaiser insurance?

Who ya gonna call?  If the Ghostbusters are busy, your best choice is Dr. Stella Immanuel, the demonolgist who discovered the cause of the COVID-19 Virus: sex with demons in your dreams.

This is what they turn out at the University of Calabar med school in Nigeria?  Makes you wonder what’s going on over there. 

Academic types have long been trying to find a link between spirituality and science.  So it’s not all that much of a stretch to find someone, somewhere who is trying to link junk science and junk spirituality.

And leave it to our Very Stable Genius to counter his racist reputation by finding and promoting an African woman as the likely Surgeon General in his second term administration.

Dr. Immanuel has all the trumpesque qualifications.  She’s a woman of color. She has a medical degree. She has a history of citing inappropriate or rogue drugs to cure rogue ailments.  She’s a very stable genius.

It’s easy enough to confuse ex-spouses with demons. You hear the stories in divorce court every day of the week. But that’s not the kind Dr. I is talking about.  She means REAL demons having sex with live humans.

Imagine this scene.  It’s a big construction project at lunchtime. Half a dozen burly guys are sitting on a pile of beams on the sidewalk eating their sandwiches and drinking their coffee.  A hot looking demon struts past them. They whistle. One says, “Hey look at the horns on that one!”

At the five o’clock whistle, the demon with “those horns” is waiting. She accompanies Bill Burly home at which time she turns into a male and attacks Bill’s wife who just got home from work herself and is napping on the living room couch.

“Honey,” she says, “I’m glad you’re home. I just had the scariest dream!” In her hand is a prescription for Hydroxychloroquine.

(HELL) -- The Hades Protection Society issued a statement denying that members mate with humans.  “We don’t want to dilute our breed,” said a spokesdemon in an interview with Fox News’s Chris Wallace.

(MOSCOW) -- With trump in the White House, every day is Putin’s birthday. Here’s today’s present: The US is going to withdraw 12-thousand troops from Germany.

(NASHVILLE) -- Garth Brooks has asked the Country Music Association to withdraw his name from this year’s competition for Entertainer of the year. He’s won the CMA’s top prize seven times, three of them in the most recent four years. Brooks says it’s time for a new generation to start rising toward the top.

(LONG BEACH, NY) -- Some beaches have been closed on New York’s Long Island after sharks were spotted.  Sharks belong in the North Atlantic and were there before people were.  And probably before people existed. They do everything they can to keep it that way.

I’m Wes Richards. My opinions are my own but you’re welcome to them. ® 
Any Questions?
© WJR 2020

Wednesday, July 29, 2020

4621 A Tale of Two Senators

(L to R) Sens. Tom Cotton (R-AK) and David Perdue (R-GA) share a relaxing moment on the Senate Chamber wall. While they disagree on what time it is, the certainly agree on why we had slavery and the size of Jewish noses.

Senator Rand Paul, says the New Yorker Magazine’s Andy Borowitz, is grateful to Senator Tom Cotton for replacing him as the most hated man in the US Senate.  Maybe Andy spoke too soon. The race for that prize is still on. Coming up on the outside approaching the final turn is the little-known Sen. David Perdue of Georgia who is running for reelection.

What’s Cotton’s problem? He seems to think slavery was an important reason that the US became a country. In a way he’s right. Without slavery this country never would be what it is today, a cauldron of racial hatred, bigotry and stupidity.  If that’s what he wants it to be… well, that’s what he got. When he says slavery is what the founders wanted, you know he flunked 6th grade history.

Now, what about Cotton’s co-clock, David Perdue of Georgia. He’s campaigning on two issues. 

1. The “Democrats are trying to buy Georgia.” 

What’s the price?  It’s probably lower than David wants it to be. After all, it’s an old beater of a used car. 

There are no Certified Used States.  Especially when you kick its tires and find traces of cross burnings, Klan rallies, poverty, peaches, roadside rest stops and Ted Turner, the man who single-handedly killed television.  Also, labor laws that allow union busting companies, Tobacco Road and a heater that’s always on full blast.

Nobody wants to buy Georgia. Not even Jimmy Carter.

Issue 2: His opponent, Jon Ossoff is Jewish. Perdue’s ad shows a picture of Ossoff with an extended and broadened nose. The so-called Jewish nose is one of history’s earliest antisemitic tropes. 

The Perdue campaign says it was a “mistake,” committed by an outside and unidentified vendor.  Yeah, sure.  The story first appeared in “The Forward,” formerly a respected and venerable newspaper, now a website.  Its reporter asks “Does anybody believe Perdue’s explanation?”  Bridge for sale. Also:

I report. You decide. (And thanks to the late Roger Ailes for the stupidest motto in the history of news.)

(WASHINGTON) -- First Lady Milania trump has announced a major “renewal” project for the White House Rose Garden. Sen. Mitch McConnell says he won’t let that to come to a vote so the next president can decide which kind of roses to improve.

(BRONX, NY) -- “President” trump announced he was going to throw out the first ball of the Yankees’ home opener at the stadium. The Yankees said in a statement “Huh? No one told us.” Later trump withdrew the announcement.

“We have picked up the ball where Germany dropped it…” --Jodie Davis who owns the American Cuckoo Clock Company which makes modern cuckoo clocks in Georgia and also sells those from Germany for those who prefer Old World Designs.

I’m Wes Richards. My opinions are my own but you’re welcome to them. ®
Any Questions?
© WJR 2020

Monday, July 27, 2020

4620 Play Nice, then Poison the Well

Daffy Duck’s slightly less famous sister believes a leading American scientist developed the Coronavirus then shipped it overnight to Wuhan where it infected a dinner bat which infected a diner who’d bitten off its head.

How crazy do you have to be to get rejected by Sinclair Broadcasting?  Apparently, very.  But it does happen.

Sinclair is one of the largest owners of small and medium market television stations.  Politically, they make Fox look positively Soviet. They don’t have a network of their own which makes them look innocent. They just have a jillion TV stations which are affiliated with the majors (and Fox.) They play at being local, while feeding scripts and programs to their properties. You think your favorite local newscaster in Greater Metropolitan Boondock is a right wing nut job, but the signal comes in well? 

Guess again. When he goes on a tirade, he’s reading a script supplied by Sinclair headquarters.  You can find the same script read by locals in 81 markets. Word for word.  It’s in the job description.

One of the programs headquarters enforcers compel their stations to carry is called “America This Week.” And on the shelf is a version that features the sister of Daffy Duck, Judy Mikovits, champion of the anti-vaxxers and the woman who says Anthony Fauci cooked up the CORONA 19 virus, shipped it to Wuhan and set it loose upon the world.

The program will remain a shelf tape for now.

When real news people heard about it, they arose in a Sinclair-like chorus of anger.  First the tele-monster issued a statement saying they’re only running it because they believe in free speech.

In another couple of eye-blinks, they changed their minds. Pulled the program. Decided to see if they can add context.

Translation: “We can save the program but we have to cut out Daffy’s sibling.  She’s too much, even for us freedom-of-speech-loving simple businesspeople.”

Have they suddenly grown a conscience? No. They just asked their cadre of local weathermen which way the wind was blowing. 

(PORTLAND OR) -- Demonstrators have found a workaround for the teargas lobbed at them by trump’s stormtroopers. They’ve harnessed leaf blowers, those annoying, powerful machines people use to get their leaves and grass clippings to your lawn from theirs.  The blowers blow the fumes back at the stormtroopers.  Observers say this really works.

(SEATTLE) -- There are nine independently owned hardware stores in your metro area.  Also, there are three each of Wal-mart, Lowes, Ace, and Sears.  That’s 20 different places likely to stock leaf blowers. What are you waiting for?

I’m Wes Richards. My opinions are my own but you’re welcome to them. ®
Any Questions?
© WJR 2020

Friday, July 24, 2020

4619 Flagwatch

Move over, Chiquita. Make room for the top banana. 

The trump administration is considering a re-design of the American flag, one that more closely suits its vision for the future.  Not unusual. We’ve often changed the flag design.  Every time we admitted a new state, we added a star. Betsy Ross would have sore fingers by now.

“President” trump also redesigned Air Force One and was ready to add some gold leaf and flocked wallpaper to the White House until he realized it’s a landmark, plus he can’t rent rooms or turn the West Wing into a shopping mall.

But in keeping with our march toward becoming a third world banana republic, the banana flag seems appropriate.  Plus, we don’t have to worry about the design becoming outdated if we add another state or two, like Ontario or Iraq’s Provence 19.

What do you think is going on with unmarked troops with clearly marked automatic weapons cruising the streets in sinister SUVs, some of them armored, and seizing US citizens exercising their rights to free speech and assembly?  What’s next, the black helicopters?

It’s not just Oregon that’s fallen victim to the stormtroopers. They’re taking aim at California, Illinois, Pennsylvania, among other places.
As Hitler conquered Austria just by showing up in Vienna and saying so and without a shot being fired, trump has conquered Texas, Georgia, parts of Florida, Alabama, Mississippi, Oklahoma. What’s next, Jamaica Estates?  Delaware?

Really. Are we Argentina or Peru or Honduras, Venezuela or Guatemala? Sure looks like we’re heading in that direction.

There is nothing to be said in favor of “soldiers” in camo, with no insignia herding people into unmarked vans.  How do we know who they are?  How do we call a lawyer?  How do we remain silent? Have they moved the Dick Cheney International Interview Center from Cairo to Portland?  Does anyone have data on the sales of waterboards? Has there been any growth? Or do the Kamo Kidz make their own?

Rally ‘round the flag boys (and girls) before the Senate confirms the new one.

(WASHINGTON) -- Rep. Yoho (R-FL) called Rep. Ocasio-Cortez (D-NY) two profane names, then gave a half-baked apology. She mentioned both of those words in an angry speech, but the prissy networks beeped them out. Fortunately, most of us could read her lips.  And she wasn’t saying “no new taxes.”

(BURLINGTON VT.) -- Sen. Sanders told Andrea Mitchell on MSNBC Thursday that he will vigorously campaign for Joe Biden and asked his followers to follow.  Let’s hope they’ll put aside St. Bernard’s perfection and vote for the man who now is his candidate.

I’m Wes Richards. My opinions are my own but you’re welcome to them. ®
Any Questions?
© WJR 2020

Wednesday, July 22, 2020

4618 Do You Trust Your Politicians?

When this guy grows legs and lungs, he will replace your Congressman, will serve for life and serve you for dinner.

A show of hands, please.  The nays have it. And why WOULD you trust these landsharks and sea sponges?  

The goal of any politician these days is to keep his or her job. Nothing more.  The person will say anything that makes you thinks he’s worth keeping and do anything possible to make sure you can’t get rid of him.

Congressman or State Legislator for life?  Or Mayor? 

Yes, barring term limits (an ANTIFA plot if ever there was one,) every day brings news of a five term senator or a 14 term Representative or a guy who was first elected sheriff when he was 25 celebrating his 85th birthday. Sixty years on the job.  

But it doesn’t really matter how long they got where they are by being the vertebrate version of bedbugs, tics or fleas, so small you can hardly see them and so vicious they eat their young.

How often have you heard someone say “My representative doesn’t represent me or anyone else I know?” This is the cry of someone who lives in a gerrymandered district that is shaped like a melanoma mole and caters to the “other” party -- whichever that may be.

Does your mayor respond to your emails?  Only in an election year and even then, only with a typical form letter.  “Thank you for your opinion and I will certainly take that into consideration…” is the equivalent of a death kiss.

The current “president” and his cronies have eroded trust in those we elect.  They’ve brought survivalist hate-the-government values to ordinary citizens.  And this may be the worst side effect in their medicine cabinet of dangerous thoughts, actions and bad drugs.

“He quit on you.” -- Joe Biden addressing home care and employment issues on president trump’s staff saying “he’s no longer ‘working’ the COVID 19 problem.”

(WASHINGTON) -- The TV reality show “Apprentice 2.0” resumed its first run season last night.  During it, President You’re Fired announced that the COVID thing would get worse before it gets better. You have to wonder why that is.  Maybe ask the Governor of Georgia.

(WASHINGTON) -- The “president” wants the census bureau to stop counting illegal immigrants. Is that constitutional? If so, who’s next? 

-How long before a real network lures Chris Wallace from Fox?
-What do you think will happen to your health insurance premiums as of 1/1/2021? (a) Not much. (b) It will rise faster than steam from a ConEd leak. (c) What health insurance?
-Do you miss taking pictures of your restaurant meals and posting them on Facebook and Instagram?
-Do finance managers at car dealers attend classes in how to slip extra charges in sales contracts or is that covered in their on the job training?
-On line car buying companies are growing. Carvana, Carmax and others are starting to eat into local dealers’ sales.  Will we see a lot of dealers folding?
-Why can’t someone invent a band-aid you can get out of its wrapper and remove the tape over the adhesive without sticking to itself?

I’m Wes Richards. My opinions are my own but you’re welcome to them. ®
Any Questions?
© WJR 2020

Monday, July 20, 2020

4617 trump Family Values

Photo: New York Times

Mary trump’s book teaches us something about families that she probably never intended.  Dysfunctional families are as common as air.  But they take on a whole intensified evil when there’s big money involved.

“Too Much and Never Enough” describes trump family values through the eyes of a grandniece and niece of Fred and donald, two men you would never have heard of if it weren’t for money.

Ms. trump is a psychologist and former worker in her uncle donald’s fiction factory.  So she’s pretty well qualified to tell us what life was like.  And it wasn’t all that different from your all-American screwed up family’s.  The book’s back cover blurb says the president of the United States hasn’t changed since he was a little kid.  A liar, a showboat unable to read social cues, learn or admit he’s wrong about anything.

But, she says, he was great at self-promotion and hype. And if that were a virtue, trump would be a saint.

Meantime, his tantrums of “terrible two” carry into the chronological age of the man with the nuclear codes, the duty to nominate justices of the Supreme Court, and to roll back social progress older than he is. 

The book is full of cute little anecdotes. Like how donald and his sister went to the movies as his older brother was rushed to the hospital where he died of an alcohol fueled heart attack. 

The primary villain here seems not to be the president, but his father, Fred, a money grasping outer borough twit who pompously ruled with an iron fist in an iron glove.

So, is Mary trump a disgruntled and disinherited relative with a Ph.D. and a need for attention that matches her crazy uncle’s in the White House?  You can make a case for that.  But you’ll never get a conviction.


(WASHINGTON) -- The Secretary of Defense has established new standards for displaying flags on US bases.  They exclude the confederate stars-&-bars without mentioning it by name.

(ALBANY, NY) -- Governor Andrew Cuomo has ruled that bars cannot serve adult beverages to anyone who doesn’t buy food and who wasn’t seated.  Smart barkeeps across New York are selling patrons small bags of potato chips for a buck. The state’s legal people say that allows people through a loophole in the law.

(HARRISBURG PA) -- Pennsylvania’s new restrictions are more specific.  You have to buy an actual meal in order to drink.

Today’s Quote:
“He’s a gnat… push him away or swat him.” -- US Senator Tammy Duckworth (D- IL) On Tucker Carlson, the Fox News talker who called her a coward.  Duckworth lost both her legs in combat in the middle east.

I’m Wes Richards. My opinions are my own but you’re welcome to them. ®
Any Questions?
© WJR 2020

Friday, July 17, 2020

4616 Russian Hackers

 Photo: DreamWorks Animation

Photo: DreamWorks Animation

It’s just like the good old days of the cold war and the 2016 election. The Russians are here.  This time, the Russians are more interested in COVID19 research than in the US election, Ukraine, Syria or who invented the Polaroid Camera.

Yes, and according to US Intelligence sources, the little group of Borises and Natasha’s (above) have a cutesy name: Cozy Bear. Bears get cozy with your garbage cans and any food you leave on the porch or in the back yard.  Sometimes, they get cozy with each other. And if you’re in the wrong place at the wrong time, they may get cozy with you.  So, a decent name. 

Is it a captive subsidiary of the Cozy Disinformation Network they’ve been running since the early days of the trump administration? Probably. Is Putin in on it?  Does a cozy bear defecate in the woods?

Now, why would they do this, the Cozies?  Well, here’s a thought. They get our basic research, finish the job of making a vaccine, fake the tests, approve the drug and sell it at $10 bucks a dose while US PharamaGiant wants $3,793.00 a dose.  And they’ll create a shortage so you have to buy above MSRP.

This is the same way they got Sputnik into orbit before we managed to launch Explorer-1 a year later.  The folksinger Oscar Brand put that contest thus: “(Russia’s) German scientists were better than our German Scientists.” Another cold war throwback.

The Tass News Agency says: “No, we’re not doing that.” Yeah, right.
This is the point where trump calls Vladimir and asks him point blank. Vlad denies everything. Then trump tweets “I believe him.”

US Intelligence is not disclosing the names of the research labs whose computers have undergone “possible” hacking. There are three possible reasons for this:

1.    Intelligence agencies never tell the public anything.
2.    They don’t really know who’s behind the hacking attempts. 
3.    They don’t want to tip MegaPharmaceuticals that PharmaGiant is onto something.
There’s a certain level of comfort in this cold war redux. 


(NEW YORK) -- Simon & Schuster says Mary trump’s tell-some book about her family sold close to one million copies on its first day of release.  That’s quite a bit more than John Bolton’s tribute to himself which up until now was among the publisher’s hottest sellers.

I’m Wes Richards. My opinions are my own but you’re welcome to them. ® 
Any questions?
© WJR 2020

Wednesday, July 15, 2020

4615 Deep State v Shallow State

Typical residents of the Shallow State prepare for a shoreline picnic.

We hear all this ranting about the deep state.  What about the shallow state -- the one where you can see bottom, or at least hope to? Deep state is what Shallowers call the people who make government work, such as it occasionally does.  

Career this-es and thats abound. Career diplomats, prosecutors, teachers, sanitation workers, cops, reporters, soldiers, etc. are common in most cultures.  Grunts. Peasants. Regulars. Without these people, nothing gets done.  You can swim in the deep state and it’s deep enough to drown.  But now you can also drown in the shallow state.

The shallow state was ready to send every kid back to physical school.  The deep state opposed and won.  The shallow state wanted to cancel visas for foreign college students. The deep state opposed, along with a gaggle of college and university presidents.  A vocal minority, of course. But an influential one when they stop dithering.

Meantime, the shallow state says the deep state, and some governors are doing an about-face and moving to re-close some businesses. 
Some people in Texas, Arizona and Florida would rather drink in crowded saloons than save the lives of their friends, neighbors and children. So even officials in the low IQ states (Thank you, Jimmy Breslin) are getting the message. 

All elected politicians are fear driven.  Now, Republican governors and federal and state legislators have to decide what they fear most, trump or the voters.  It’s not a hard decision for someone whose life goal is getting either reelected or elected to the next vacant higher office.

The shallow end of this pool is where the danger lurks. Swim for your lives.


(NEW YORK) -- NBC says Jimmy Fallon will soon return to the studio but there’ll be no audience.  That’s kind of the way it was when he was doing the show from home.  The audience didn’t watch then, either.

(SACRAMENTO) -- The troubled McClatchy newspaper company, one of the largest in the US, has sold itself to a hedge fund. If it passes muster with their bankruptcy judge, people who create zombies out of living news outlets will soon own papers in 30 cities, large and small. 
What is the opposite of a transfusion?

-Anyone feeling sorry for Jeff Sessions today?
-Anyone feeling sorry for Ghislaine Maxwell?
-Anyone want a ticket to Hong Kong?
-Or Miami?
-Or Brasilia?
-Anyone still using no fee broker Robinhood?

I’m Wes Richards. My opinions are my own but you’re welcome to them. ® 
Any Questions?  As or use the comment box below.
© WJR 2020

4745 An Ounce of Cure

  Forget the ounce of prevention and the pound of cure.  With everything getting odder, let’s make it a Troy Ounce of prevention.   While “n...