Wednesday, April 14, 2010

689 DWO

689 DWO

"Sir," asks the state trooper, "do you know why I pulled you over?"

"No, officer," replies the motorist.

"Well, please let me see your license, registration and insurance card."

The motorist complies.

"Sir, please step out of the car."

The motorist complies.

"I'm going to have to have you take a simple test, sir."

"A test for what, if I may ask, officer."

"A test of your body mass index."

The trooper performs the test.

Then he says: "I'm going to have to write you up, sir. Sorry."

What's the charge?" asks the motorist.

"DWO, Driving While Obese."

"Oh, but officer, I thought I was below the limit."

"Here's your ticket. Have a nice day."

Far fetched? Probably. But the day will come. You'll see.

Guy'll walk into a McBurger and the counterman will point to a sign that says "we do not serve people who are visibly obese." Works in bars with visible drunks. Why not at the fast food joints? Works at liquor stores, why not at Taco Bell?

If you waddle when you walk, you'll have to prove the the Wal-Mart greeter that either you're not going to buy food or that the food you're going to buy is "not for me. It's for my ailing mom who is 87 years old and at home with a terrible cold." Not sure how you prove such a thing. But get to know your greeters now, so that you can snow them when you roll in and pick up a package of braunschweiger a carton of macaroni salad, a loaf of Wonder Bread, a king size bag of chips and a 12 pack of Bud.

If the airlines are charging more for fatties than for skinnies, can the supermarkets be far behind?

Then there's the sugar tax. Notice that several cities and states are trying to enact a penalty levy on drinks with sugar? Doesn't matter that some of the artificial sweeteners cause brain wave distortion and possibly cancer. At least you'll die thin. Sugar, by the way, has 15 calories per level tablespoon. Not even one point in Weight Watchers.

Next big thing: the cops'll get radar that detects body fat. They won't even have to pull you over. They'll measure it through the car door as you drive past. Speed and fat all in one electro-beam. They'll send you the ticket in the mail.


--If you adopt the lingo of the opposition, you've killed your own position. Example: "pro life." It's not "pro" anything. It's anti abortion and to conceded the term, you've conceded the position.

--Here's a second example: if you call the current hate mongering a "tea party," you've diminished the original. Those participating in these anti-American protests understand neither history nor American law. Don't let them get away with that.

--Here's another: if you agree that someone is a "distributor" of cleaning products or jewelry or nutritional supplements you are helping hide truth. They are sellers or salesmen or saleswomen, and there's nothing wrong with being honest about saying so.

I'm Wes Richards. My opinions are my own but you're welcome to them.®
©WJR 2010

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