Wednesday, April 20, 2011

850 Greetings TO Your Uncle Sam

850 Greetings To Your Uncle Sam

Nostalgia Item: Greetings FROM your Uncle Sam once was shorthand for “you’re drafted.”

News Item: The rating service Standard & Poors has lowered the long term outlook for US debt and deficit to “negative,” believing that America might face lowering of its AAA (top) rating within in the next two years if it doesn’t get its house in order.

Explanation of News Item: What it means is that Treasury Securities could be removed from the list of top investments, which would mean Uncle’s borrowing costs would increase, piling on still more debt.

Further Explanation of News Item: Even the financial mavens have had their fill of the B.S. that passes for “working on deficit reduction” in D.C.

Greetings To Your Uncle Sam:

Dear Cardmember,

Although your credit report shows you’re having trouble with your budget, you are a valued customer with an excellent repayment record. So we have a special offer for you. Use the enclosed checks to get a great rate on purchases, cash or balance transfers for 12 months.

Pay off higher interest creditors, buy a fleet of battleships or a bridge to nowhere, fund Social Security and Medicare, clean up the environment, give tax breaks to zillionaires without feeling the pinch. Use the checks any way you want and pay only a low 5.99% APR on your balance. Just make sure you don’t exceed your credit limit. And don’t use the money to pay your debt to us.

Please be sure to use these checks right away, as they must post to your account by May 2, 2011.


Your Friends at Capital Kneecapper Bank MasterCard of Howard Beach, Queens.

One way to solve the “crisis.” Of course, if it costs Uncle a little more to borrow when the credit rating drops. So who’s going to benefit? Why, many of the companies who are on the S&P 500 at least 80 of which are in the category “financials” and who knows how many plain ole banks.

After the expiration of the “low interest” year, the price goes up to your regular rate, which for many is about 15% a year, and no one at Kneecapper bank is going to be arrested for that.

The customer retention specialists at S&P must be working overtime, as in “Look what we’re going to hand over to you if you can wait a year or two!”

As the ad slogan goes, “What’s in YOUR wallet?”

Shrapnel (getting even edition):

--Got lousy marks in high school? Some who did got even in a survey by giving bad grades back to the schools. Turnabout is fair play.

--Are you a disappointed Mets fan? Get even by getting legit bargain tickets for the best seats in the house. Great ploy by a team that’s having its second consecutive bad season and needs to fill the seats so they can mend their financial fence.

I’m Wes Richards. My opinions are my own but you’re welcome to them. ®
Please address comments to
© WJR 2011

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