#410 Russert

#410 Russert

What Would Tim Say about all the fuss. He might say "I died. That's bad. I hope I rest in peace. Someone please take care of Big Russ. Thanks for putting me on every front page in America. Now, enough, already."

That would be fairly typical off-the-air Russert. On the air, he'd probably do what his colleagues did, an endless series of tributes, all of them deserved, all of them inadequate.

This was a guy who filled the room without trying. Think of what would have happened if he HAD tried. NBC's top guy in Washington died of a heart attack the other day. On the job at the time, as he was most of the time.

The political class feared him and the gentlemanly sword with which he severed many of their heads, but always from in front and never from behind. Nothing big, he'd say. Just doing his job -- a job he learned not in the law school from which he graduated, but on the back of the garbage truck where he worked for so many hot summer days. Big Russ, his father, had bigger things in mind for his boy. But all that's in Tim's book, and needs no recounting here.

Early political experience with Pat Moynihan and Mario Cuomo gave him an edge over the rest of the reporting pack. Most people who work as political operatives and journalists do the operative jobs when they can no longer get work in broadcasting or newspapering. Tim did it in reverse.

They went on and on about him on Friday the 13th, a fateful day, as it turned out. Brokaw, Williams, Couric, Schieffer, Olbermann; all the heavyweights who worked with him, for him and against him on NBC and the rival networks.

But they missed a few things. Like how as Washington bureau chief he kept first rate but aging correspondents on camera, a real TV no-no. Like how that law degree never got in his way. (Almost no one who watched him doing election coverage or hosting "Meet the Press" even knew he had one.) Like how he could show up at the "Today Show" newsroom in New York, for a morning segment and be back in Washington for a knowledgeable crosstalk on MSNBC a few hours later and Nightly News after that.

They say he revived the dieing genre of the Sunday morning talk fest. He'd tell you "nah, you're thinkig of Brinkley." He was not entirely right about that, and the ratings proved it.

A big guy. Wide. Too heavy. Worked too hard. Too long. Loved the political soap opera. Knew it was important. Told us why. Not a pretty boy.

But he didn't much like big fusses about mere mortals. Probably including himself.

You'll miss him. Even if you don't realize it.

(Editor's Note: Richards was a news writer on "Meet the Press" from 1992-2000.)



Shrapnel

--A recent study says vinyl shower curtain liners emit toxic chemicals. A new worry: second hand toxic chemicals when someone else in your house takes a shower. Soon we'll get Surgeon General's warnings on the labels.

--Middle Easterners are buying a majority interest in New York's Chrysler Building. Not a bad idea. Gives them a chance to survey their second kingdom all at once.

--For once, Rush Limbaugh is right, although he didn't quite put it this way. The election is not about McCain vs. Obama. It's about how racist we are, or aren't.


I'm Wes Richards. My Opinions are my own, but you're welcome to them.(r)
(C)2008 WJR

#409 The Association

#409 The Association

The big corporations all have monitoring services. They scan the Internet, air-check radio and TV broadcasts and read every newspaper and magazine on the planet. And they tell their clients about every mention, good, bad or indifferent.

These words will probably draw a lawyer letter from Coca Cola. So before they issue a cease-and-desist order and the names here get changed to protect the innocent, on with it:

On the table sits a water bottle with the following printed on the label: "Bottled by a member of the Coca Cola Bottlers' Association..."

The fond hope is that such is a member in good standing, which means adherence to the Association Code of Conduct, no dues in arrears, and one who attends every meeting and is fully practiced in the Secret Handshake.

The sentence conjures images of a bunch of guys sitting around the reverse osmosis machine, turning on the spigot and letting the water fall into the bottles. After that, they do their closing ritual, sing the final hymn and send the bottles off to the capping factory. (The label doesn't say the bottles were capped by a member of the Association, after all.)

Maybe it's just one member. But that would be one busy person, so probably not.

Associations used to be just that. Groups of people associating. Now it's groups of companies associating. Well, corporations are legal people so why not.

Members of associations used to be called members. The word "associates" never applied. But why under use a good word like that. And that is how the unemployment rate grew to 100 percent. Ah, you say, the unemployment rate is nowhere near that. But it is. However, the rate of association is about 95 percent. See no one's an employee anymore. They are all associates. So rather than an unemployment rate, we should have a disassociation rate.

The Labor Department reported today that the disassociation rate climbed to 5.5 percent in May, 2008, up one half of one percent from April.

People who lost their jobs were shown the front door rather than the "associates' entrance," because if they were ushered out the "associates' entrance," that would be rude reminders that they once were associates, but aren't any more.

Careful of those doors marked "Associates Only."

Shrapnel:

--Welcome, vegans. You now can share one of the great joys of meat-eating without violating your principles. That round red thing in your refrigerator may be a killer tomato, right up there with chicken and beef in the salmonella department.

--Good news: The real estate slump hasn't hit Baton Rouge, Louisiana. Bad news: In order to take advantage of same, you have to live in Baton Rouge. Louisiana. But, hey, living in mosquito netting is an exercise in character building.

--Got a note from the IRS. Says a stimulus check's in the mail. And they'll respect me in the morning.


I'm Wes Richards. My opinions are my own, but you're welcome to them.(r)
(C) 2008 WJR

Horse of a Different Color

#408 Horse of a Different Color

Big Brown wasn't so big the other day, eh? The colt was a sure thing at the Belmont. No chance anyone would top him. Everyone knew that. Um, everyone except the horse.

This was going to be a finger snap. Fortieth anniversary of the last triple crown. Half the guys betting weren't even born when Affirmed crossed the finish line in 1978. Big Brown was the Horse of the Century. Everyone knew that. Um, everyone except the horse.

Big Brown drew the inside straw. Was going to be on the rail. Big Brown didn't need the rail. In fact, Big Brown LAUGHED at the rail. "Who needs your stinkin' rail? I'll win from the outside. Or anywhere in between." Everyone knew that. Everyone but the horse.

The horse that couldn't lose lost. Dead last. That's never happened before. Dead last. The jockey said "I had no horse...." The horse laughed a horse laugh. He said "Mile and a half? I think I'll amble."

They stopped feeding Brown the steroids April 15th. That why he copped a plea out of the gate? Problem with a nail? That the answer? All of a sudden, he didn't give a damn? Horse racing gods saying "...too much bragging, let's teach everyone a lesson?"

The horse doc said he wasn't lame. The jockey said he wasn't listening.

The bookies are grateful. No one bet anything on Da'Tara. Thirty-eight to one in a race starring Big Brown? Waddayou nuts?

This was going to be a low bucks Belmont. No one with any sense put anything on Big Brown. Favorites never win. This favorite was going to win. Big. By lengths and lengths. No one bet this race, you'd have to be a moron.

Mile and half's a huge race, though.

Even so, there's nothing about this horse says he couldn't have done it without breaking a sweat.

So what happened?

From out of nowhere, Brown says "enough. I want some hay." Or "Hey, what the hey." Or "Hay? How about a stroll."


Same thing as the Super Bowl.

The wrong winner.

Only this time, the smart money didn't bet.

And the dumb money cashed in, big time.

Who's bragging now?

Shrapnel:

--You CAN make a silk purse out of a sow's ear. Ask any member of congress about pork and earmarks. Not only can they tell you how to proceed, they can tell you how to steal the purse.

--Purse snatching is illegal. Unless, of course, you're a corporate CEO or a member of any branch of government. You do it, you go to jail; they do it, they get extra stock options, contributions and re-elected.

--Purse snatching of the on-the-street variety is one of the few things still prosecuted democratically. You steal a purse and get caught, changes are you go to jail. And it doesn't matter whether the purse is Gucci, Prada or Wal-Mart.

I'm Wes Richards. My opinions are my own, but you're welcome to them.(r)
(C)2008 WJR

#407 Obama and the Jews

#407 Obama and the Jews

Many among us think we Jews have a dual loyalty -- a mix that's one part America and one part Israel. And for those of us for whom this isn't so, which is most of us, the fault may be a mix that's one part translation and one part failure to learn and teach.

The translation problem arises thus: the word "Israel" is used two ways. The first is an umbrella term that covers the historical past, present and future Jewish people, of any ethnicity, of any citizenship and of any era. the second is the country in the Middle East. They are not the same thing. And it's because of that confusion and our failure to point it out that the confusion remains.

It's almost impossible to find a Jew anywhere in the world who doesn't have an emotional soft spot in his heart for Israel, the place over "there." But a soft spot is not the same as a dual loyalty. The Jews of America (or China or India or Italy or Ireland or anywhere else you think we aren't, but we are) is to America (or China or Italy or Ireland or wherever we live.)

Sure, we all want to see Israel continue to thrive and prosper. But that doesn't mean dual loyalty.

Most American Jews are Americans first, and have the same needs and wants and hopes and dreams of any other American.

When an American politician (even a Jewish one) is courting the Jewish vote, what does he or she do? Promises aid and security to Israel. Good.

Now, what about the price of gasoline?

Far away places don't rate nearly as high as the cost of health insurance, the education of our children, the price of fuel or the price of vegetables.

Barak Obama has the same problem grasping this as Hillary Clinton and almost every other candidate for every other office, including guys named Bloomberg or Schumer.

The question for Jews and for everyone else is can this guy get us out of the down-spiral that we've been in for the last eight years? Can he do something about the shrinking value of the US dollar, the hugely inflated costs of food, energy and health care? Can he end a futile and stupid war and keep America safe?

The answer to all of the above is "mostly yes, just not in a big fat hurry."

That's where your voting head should be. And his.

Next time you pull up to the gas pump, open the tank, put in the nozzle, squeeze the handle and watch the numbers fly by, remember it's Georg Putch who put it there and John McCain --maverick?-- who will keep the dial spinning merrily away. Fill your tank, drain your wallet. Remember who did that to you.

And who didn't.



Shrapnel:

--A couple is two of something. It's not "some" or "a few." And it's an "it," not a "they."

--If you're more than a couple of years older than I, you're an elder statesman. But you're too old to serve as a first term president. We've had those, and should know better.

----Now, what say we go for a couple of cold ones. That's two. Pitchers will be okay.

I'm Wes Richards. My opinions are my own, but you're welcome to them.(r)
(C)2008 WJR

#406 The Recipe

#406 The Recipe

Couple of new studies out this week. Absorb them quickly, because the opposites are sure to emerge before you can run out and get the ingredients for the magic potion that will extend your life, prevent Alzheimer's, reduce your risk of cancer and not damage your heart or raise your blood pressure.

First off, just living raises your blood pressure unless you spend most of your waking hours meditating -- i.e. sleeping.

Then, you have to remember a couple of the more recent studies of coffee consumption. It lowers your cholesterol, if you believe one, and raises it if you believe another.

The two studies are about salt and red wine. The former isn't as bad for your heart as we've been hearing for the last 40 years. The latter covers the rest of the ground.

And there are the egg studies. Eggs either are good for you or bad for you. Depends on the study. Milk helps you lose weight, or it doesn't -- depending on which study you believe.

So here's the recipe. Get a bottle of red wine. Chill. Pour a glass. Get a box of salt. (Iodized is better. Really.) Then pour some salt into the wine, stir and drink. Repeat as needed.

There. Two simple and potentially inexpensive ingredients and you've immunized yourself against all kinds of bad things. Tastes awful. Maybe add a little sugar. (Stay away from the artificial sweeteners. Not healthy. And don't be making any cell phone calls while drinking. And don't hang out under high-tension wires while drinking.)

A simple concoction that will protect you against all the stuff you fear.

Six months from now, someone will have a new study that proves that the first study was wrong. The salt industry does not have a lobby. The wine industry does. So THAT study will not be refuted. In fact, behind the scenes, you can bet there's a furious effort underway trying to figure out some health benefit. Why should red have all the good luck?

Makes you wonder what's in the research pipeline. Are they going to figure out that eating five servings of fruit per day causes warts? Probably not. They're still trying to work out what "serving" means. To some people it's a whole cantaloupe. To others, it's half a blueberry. Or a glass of red wine with a dash of salt.

What if they find out smoking doesn't cause anything?





Shrapnel:

--A local legislator has sent out e-mail on how government is becoming "more transparent." Getting information is a simple process. The forms you fill out run about 20 pages and the wait is no longer than two years.

--Transparency is the newest over-used meaningless word. Who wants to see through government? What we need to see through is the walls they build around themselves.

--I've seen my senator. Forget transparency. Translucency will do, thank you.

I'm Wes Richards. My opinions are my own but you're welcome to them.(r)
(c) 2008 WJR

#405 Newsletters, The New Junk Mail

#405 Newsletters: The New Junk Mail

Now that you've been using the internet for years, you probably get most of your junk mail electronically. That's not to say that there still aren't some of the usual ads in your "regular" or "snail mail" mailbox. But fewer. Paper's way more expensive than electrons -- at least for now. And the guys who pick up the recycling deserve a break.

What you get via USPS these days is usually from people you do business with, anyway. Department stores, groceries, personal injury lawyers. But now, you also get a lot of "newsletters" you might not have in years gone by.

The least useful and most annoying are the ones from your health insurer. If there's more than one policy in your household, and it is with the same insurance company, each "member" will get his or her own, personal, individual, specially marked copy. You all can sit around the living room at night, put a little Sinatra on the turntable, lower the lights and read the thing to each other. Or in unison. You can turn it into drama, with one person reading the story narration and others reading the quotes in each article.

Or you can do what most people do and that is scan 'em and throw them out.

Here's a guide to all of them. There are three kinds of articles. (1) Maintain your health (and make fewer claims.) (2) Here's what we're doing to make your life better (hiring people we don't need and making up stories and printing pictures of them.) (3) Pharmacy plan adjustments (as in we're lowering the price of stuff no one uses to show you we're lowering something beside coverage, and raising the prices of everything else you need.

The could save paper by sending one copy to each household.

So could the AARP. Two members? Two newsletters. AND two magazines. AND two pitches for everything they pitch, and they pitch plenty. This is not against the AARP. After all, Exxon has a lobby, so why shouldn't we old folk?

But save paper, guys.

The AARP newsletter is chock full of useful information. Like which mega stars you've forgotten about are turning 50 or 60 or 70. Or truly useful stuff like "How to Avoid Paving Scams." Here's how you avoid paving scams. If you think your driveway needs patching or sealing, pick up the Yellow Pages and find a contractor who lives and works in your area. Avoid guys who approach you and say "we have some extra asphalt from a job we did down the street. How about we do your driveway so we don't have to schlep this stuff back to the shop?" Fifty three words. Don't waste your time with the rest.

If you have spare time, maybe you could write a newsletter about yourself and send it on to the AARP and Blue Cross. And while you're at it, send a "wish list" to Macy's and ask for a bid on the stuff.

They won't respond.



Shrapnel:

--Auto thefts are down 23 percent nationwide since the mid 1990s. That proves only one thing. The thieves can't afford to drive your car, either.

--We're no fan of Wal-Mart. Shopping there should be a crime. NOT shopping there already is.

--Not everyone thinks your house is less valuable now than it was a year ago. One example: the exterminator. Another: the tax collector.



I'm Wes Richards. My opinions are my own, but you're welcome to them.®
©2008 WJR

#404 Tailored to Fit Your Needs

#404 Tailored to Fit Your Needs

Ever notice this in the newspaper? When they have no ads to put in the ad space, they put in a little box that says "Sell Your Stuff -- Quick! Advertise in the Daily Bugle" or "Read Walter Winchell each Weekday in the Daily Bugle?" These are called "house ads," and they're there to make the paper look busier than it is.

But newspapers aren't the only places for these. You see them in magazines -- even big magazines. "Clip this coupon and get 97.3% off the cover price."

Now, comes the phone book. Not the REAL phone book, the one that tries to look just like it. And it's loaded with house ads. Here's a favorite. "Tailored to fit your needs."

Brilliant.

Somehow, the publisher has discovered my needs and "tailored" its book just to little old me. This raises suspicion. So, time to borrow my next door neighbor's copy, to determine the differences. He's a good guy. Totally different in age, geography, skills, taste in clothing, taste in music and probably taste in food.

Guess what. His book is page for page the same as mine.

Someone goofed.

If his book is tailored to suit his needs, and mine is tailored to fit mine, and his needs are different, the books should be different, right?

Maybe it's the word "tailored" I don't fully understand.

Grandfather was a tailor. He made men's' suits in Europe at the turn of the last century. Never met the guy. But I'm told his customers thought his suits properly fit. This is what comes to mind when hearing the word "tailor."

There is a blank spot on the first shelf of the book shelf in my office. And the book fits there perfectly, maybe because I threw out last year's in the middle of the publishing cycle, because while it fit my shelf, it didn't fit my needs.

Maybe I should take the book to the local tailor here and he can fix it up by cutting out stuff I don't want and putting in stuff that I do, but which isn't there.

Seems like a lot of trouble to go through to change a phone book. Plus, then they'd have to say "CUSTOM tailored to fit your needs."

No advantage to that, except maybe custom tailored snob appeal.

Shrapnel:

--Times have changed in the banking business. Wasn't long ago, you'd ask the teller to change a single for the meter and you'd leave with four quarters and a mortgage. Now you leave with three quarters and the fourth is deducted as a service fee.

--Some banks are open on Sundays, now. A real service. Let's you cash a check to spend at the liquor store, which also is open Sundays, now.

--The Federal Reserve keeps lowering interest rates. The banks get the memo and cut the return on your certificate of deposit. But they don't read it all the way down to where it says cut the interest on your credit card.


I'm Wes Richards. My opinions are my own, but you're welcome to them. (r)
(c)2008 WJR