Judge Judy For President

It started with “The People’s Court.” Cases settled on television programs, usually by moderately funny, moderately sensible judges who’d run out of steam in real courtrooms or other political venues, and now slathering on the makeup and appearing under the lights to render “final” decisions in “real” cases.

There now are at least a half dozen of these characters on your TV screen, all of them with styles that wouldn’t work in a “real” courtroom, but do fine as entertainment.

But wait.

There’s a real chance for life changing reality here.

It’s two fold.

Fold one: such programs can help television fight off the internet to become the center of America’s cultural life. That throne is threatened in ways it hasn’t been since it was established in 1947.

Fold two: these judges really DO make sense most of the time.

Think about that original “People’s Court” guy, Joseph Wapner. A real judge in real life and a TV judge in retirement. Smart decisions. Smart remarks. Judge Mathis, Judge Joe Brown and more. Same story.

But the Leader of the Pack has to be Judith Scheindlin. Judge Judy. She is a combination of everyone’s Brooklyn Jewish Mother and her sister, the Know-It-All Aunt.

Why waste this valuable resource on what are essentially trailer park types suing one another for small amounts of money after crashing each others’ trucks, lending (or giving) each other money and failing to pay rent?

Put her in the Oval Office and let her get the job done.

Example: Judy to Gigunda Motors: “Waddaya mean you wanna take these guys’ pensions away? You made a deal. No one put a gun to your heads. Stockholders? Sir, listen to me carefully. Do you know what the word ‘risk’ means?”

Example: Judy on Iraq: “Democracy? THIS is DEMOCRACY?” You’re getting people KILLED over there. Iraqis are FREE? What about all those women running around without schooling and wrapped like mummies!”

Of course, we don’t know her politics. So here’s an alternative: “You guys have to straighten out what’s going on there. Build a White House, build a Captiol, build a Supreme Court and figure out that you can’t trade one dictator for another.”

Put the rest of the TV judges on a panel and get rid of congress. Checks and balances remain. But no more lobbyists. No more pork barrel. No more gerrymandering.

But DO keep The Supremes. Kind of a counterbalance to the counterbalance. We need a little dignity. And a little controversy to keep things rolling along.

If you put Congress out of business, you can always let the former Senators and Reps go on Unemployment Comp and then get jobs that better suit them. Like running all night gas stations and working the counter at Dunkin’ Donuts.

But who would hire guys like Scalia, Thomas and Ginsburg?

I'm Wes Richards. My opinions are my own, but you're welcome to them.™

©wjr 2005