Reality TV

Forget about “Survivor.” Ignore “The Apprentice,” “The Biggest Loser,” “The Jerry Springer Show” and “Maury.”

REAL reality TV is on the shopping channels.

Forget about CNN, Fox News MSNBC, The Evening News, The Nightly News and World News Tonight.

Forget about “The Early Show,” “Today” and “Good Morning America.”

The REAL America is on the shopping channels.

Few to no talking hairdos, no pompous fools spouting baloney faster than any deli slicer.

What they have is REAL AMERICANS and a certified Mount St. Helen of realspout.

Look at the people and look at what they do. They are mostly ordinary looking men and women who can maintain an ad lib about a pen or a ring or a watch for a full hour and never run out of things to say.

This is live, folks. There’s no editing, no going back over mistakes, no real script.

Think of the energy levels of these “hosts.” Think of the enthusiasm. Think about taking an ordinary object, something you’d get in a store, and talking about it for a solid hour at a time with no commercial breaks or field reports and only a smattering of viewer phone calls.

This is amazing stamina. This is a performance that polished professionals should and do envy.

And, unlike “Survivor” or the Nightly News, you CAN try this at home.

In fact, why don’t you.

Pick an ordinary object and make some notes. Say a Bic pen.

Make some notes. Assign it a catalogue number. Set a price, invent a phone number. Then, place it on the table in front of you. Sit at the table and imagine a TV camera is focused on you.

Here are some of the props you will want: a shirt, a purse, a briefcase, a pair of pants and several kinds of paper.

Now, start pointing out the features of the pen: it has a cap. The cap fits tightly (it won’t come off unless you want it to, but comes off relatively easily when you DO want it to.)

It has a point (available in “fine” and “medium” to “customize” your handwriting.)

It writes on (virtually) any kind of paper (demonstrate.)

You can write letters (demonstrate) or shopping lists (demonstrate,) take down the phone number of Andy’s Shopping Service (Call 1800 SHOP ASS.)

It fits in your shirt pocket and grips tight (demonstrate.) It fits in your purse or briefcase (demonstrate.) Its rounded ends will not poke through the pocket of your slacks (demonstrate.)

Give the catalogue number and the phone number. Tell them they won’t be able to get these pens at this introductory price after this hour at Andy’s Shopping Service.

(Repeat as needed, preferably using different words.)

You think this is easy? It’s not.

Further, it is showing America at its most optimistic and enthusiastic. And it keeps the wheels of the economy whirling at an Indy-500 pace.

I'm Wes Richards. My opinions are my own, but you're welcome to them.™

©wjr 2005