Wednesday, December 28, 2005

Retrodictions (con’t) And Some Short Takes

Well, now that we have the politics of the year gone by adequately recorded, how about the rest of the world that fascinates us, the world of celebrities.

Here are the retrodictions for 2005, and please remember these are “predictions” of the year gone by and meant to be wrong.

J-Lo, Brad Pitt, Jennifer Anniston, Angela Jolie, Jessica Simpson, various Hiltons, Alla of “The Apprentice,” Jude Law, Lindsay Lohan and the entire cast of “Desperate Housewives” all faded into oblivion. We will fade into oblivion and we’ll hear nothing or about or from any of them.

“The Star” will publish a photo of Michael Jackson and Elizabeth Taylor together, proving they really ARE two different people.

Ratings for the three network evening newscasts will skyrocket, assuring Dan Rather, Tom Brokaw and Peter Jennings additional multi million dollar, multi- year contracts.

The Crew of “60 Minutes” will move wholesale into a nursing home, but continue to broadcast each week.

WestraDamus wishes you a happy new year. And you can verify all the statements here, easily and to your heart’s content.

SHORT TAKES: Items to small for a whole day’s blog.

--The NYC transit strike is said to have cost about one billion dollars in lost business. This does not include the overdue fines at Blockbuster, Hollywood Video and the New York Public Library. Best scam of the strike? The guy on Broadway at 97th who charged motorists with three people and who needed four to pass the HOV checkpoint five bucks, got out at 95th street, walked back and kept repeating the whole routine. He performed a valuable service. Like the Godfather, only cheaper.

--We have a channel for watching trials. We have a channel for watching home repairs. We have a channel for watching surgery, we have a channel for watching geegaws. We should have a channel for watching industrial construction and manufacturing. Wouldn’t you like to see how they put up a skyscraper? Like the Bloomberg Building on New York’s Lexington Avenue? The one where they had to pour the foundation twice because they put it in backward the first time? (You can’t make this stuff up!) Wouldn’t you like to see the Chevrolet in pieces BEFORE its put together instead of buying it, driving it and THEN seeing the pieces? And there can be an offshoot, Industrychannel II – where they demolish buildings, bridges and cars.

--Does this happen to you? No one calls for days and then ten people try to reach you at the same moment?

--A log of a phone call when trying to return a computerized speed reading program:

Customer Service Rep: Why do you want to return it?

Customer: It’s filled with religious propaganda.

CSR: How so?

C: The reading test is about Jesus.

CSR: Are you an atheist?

C: Yes.

CSR: Okay, here’s your authorization number.

I'm Wes Richards. My opinions are my own, but you're welcome to them.™

©wjr 2005

1 comment:

John G said...

For atheists the relevant material can be about the Buddha.