Hit The Road, Jack

Too bad Jack Abramoff flopped as a screenwriter. One little hit would have kept him in Hollywood and out of Washington.

He’ll be a model prisoner, though, teaching fellow convicts how to write bad dialogue, forced plots and to lift weights.

He was a BMOC for that in high school. Prophetic. A prison skill even before we knew he’d need it.

He could also teach business ethics, which, often these days, sounds like an oxymoron.

Maybe he could combine his skills: write about business ethics (working title: “Don’t Do As I Did,”) and then weightlift the books onto the delivery trucks.) Neat. Elegant.

Poor Jack. He needs a little neatness and elegance in his life right about now. All those messy entanglements. All those messy plots.

The stuff of a Hollywood script.

And they can do a “Law & Order” spinoff on his cooperation.

We await his appearance on the witness stand, where he can take a page from the Joe McCarthy playbook and start by saying “I have in my hand a list…”

On that list, we will likely find good folks like Tom DeLay, several Indian tribes and what Jack’s fellow righty, Patrick Buchannan described as Israel’s “Amen Chorus” in Congress.

A little “doing well by doing good?”

Nah. Just bribery, tax evasion and such.

So what’s behind all this? Greed? Selfishness? The cost of doing business?

Yes, but wait, there’s more.

The current administration is channeling Nixon, who would have been 93 on the ninth of this month. Except Nixon probably KNEW that he was trying to live and govern above the law. These guys don’t.

So you can’t fault Jack for his misdeeds. He just got in with a bad crowd. Peer pressure.

As all of our culture deteriorates with time, like a loaf of bread in summer heat, so follows our leaders. So it’s not surprising that a guy like our pal Jack got into hot water, and is dragging so many others into the spa with him.

While Nixon may have known about above and below the law, the current

guys, including President Genius don’t. That doesn’t make them any less guilty, just dumber and brasher.

What really chafes is this: 30 years from now, guys like Ambramoff, DeLay, and company will be looked upon as mild criminals, kind of like kids who steal lunch money or pull heists at convenience stores.

Think about it: these days, Watergate really WAS little more than a third rate burglary. And the coverup? Ah, big deal.

Anyway, Jack’ll look great in an orange jumpsuit. Brings new meaning to the word “neo-con.”

I'm Wes Richards. My opinions are my own, but you're welcome to them.™

©wjr 2006