Friday, January 02, 2009

493 WestraDamus Predictions for Last Year

493 Westradamus' Predictions For the Past year - 2008

This is the 20th anniversary of the Westrdamus predictions, presented each January for the year gone by and generally wrong.  'Damus started as a parody of the Astrological predictions in the supermarket tabloids, almost always wrong and never acknowledged as such.  But the non-prophet has grown into an American institution, like the Smithsonian, the National Institutes of Health, NOAA Weather and hedge funds.

2008 is an election year and the winner of the Presidential race will be former media mogul and present New York mayor Mike Bloomberg, an independent.  Mike campaigns on a platform of universal health care, stem cell research and overpopulating Westchester.  His Democratic opponent, Ed Koch concedes before election day and his Republican opponent, Newt Gingrich has yet to admit defeat.

In the middle east, the Palestinians will admit they don't exist and return the Stolen Territories to Israel.

The price of crude oil will hit $67, causing a spike in the price of gasoline, heating oil, cooking oil and WD-40.  Rival entrepreneurs will retaliate by buying silicon futures, thus driving up the price of all spray products, General Electric stock and snake oil.

The governor of Illinois and a financial wizard, Bernie Madoff, will be arrested, the former for trying to sell his state's third US Senate seat and the latter for cheating his honest investors, guys who deal in hedge funds, derivatives, gold futures and Amway soap.

O.J. Simpson will be cleared of wrongdoing in a motel break-in after the former football great, actor and non-murderer explains to a sympathetic Nevada jury that he was "...only trying to get my stuff back."

Britney Spears, on court order, will purchase underwear from her local J.C. Dowdy's.  Los Angeles police officers will be assigned to a daily "pants check."  Tough duty, but some one's gotta do it.

But the big story of the year will be the economy.  General Motors will surpass Toyota as the number one in car sales, sending its stock through the roof.  Lower interest rates will free credit, sending American business into yet another borrowing binge.  New banks and bank holding companies will spring up to meet the demand, proving once again that the spirit of entrepreneurship remains vibrant.

Notable deaths in 2008: Josef Stalin, Gertrude Berg, Adam Clayton Powell, and the guy next door - the one who plays Salsa records at top volume at 3 a.m. None of these people actually will DIE in '08, but their earlier deaths will remain notable.

People you thought were dead, but aren't, include former New York Governor Hugh Carey, actor Peter Falk, Yoko Ono, NPR's Carl Castle and Howard Stern.

And finally, you will win the lottery.

This blog will be available all year long at on the internet.  But why would you want to read it again?  In fact, why did you read it this time?

I'm Wes Richards.  My opinions are my own, but you're welcome to them.(sm)

(C) WJR 2009


Unknown said...

Can anyone suggest how I might actually contact Wes? He knows me as "Scoop". Or did at one time.

Wessays (tm) said...

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