Monday, December 27, 2010

801/351 The Martians Are Coming

#801/351 The Martians Are Coming

This is the second in a brief series of repeats, scheduled for the next week or so. It was originally posted 1/24/08

There's a lot more going on in farm country than cow milking and sheep courting.

There's real science going on, and not just developing new growth hormones.

Take the case of Dipindaharda, Texas, where all kinds of reputable citizens swear by everything holy (and there's plenty of holy in Dipindaharda, Texas,) that they've seen a fleet of sleek, new unidentified flying objects. Reputable down there doesn't exactly mean reputable. But, okay. You've got a pilot, a cop, a member of the Good Ole Boy's council, a country singer, two farmers (one with sheep and one with cows,) and an ex Marine sergeant all saying, in effect, the flying saucers have landed.

Actually, the Martians abandoned the flying saucer around the same time the United States abandoned prop-driven passenger airplanes. The design wasn't working in either case, at least not as well as newer technology. That would mean the piston engine down here and the saucer up there. Jets are more efficient, faster, easier to maintain and cheaper than prop planes or turboprops. The latter? Don't know. There are no aerodynamic problems in space, so a saucer should be efficient in zero gravity and zero air. But once inside a planet's atmosphere, the current spacecraft of choice is the triangle which could be more aerodynamic and therefore more efficient than the saucer.

This is a leading indicator that the Martians who come here and from other planets (a) have their own energy crisis, and (b) want to reduce the greenhouse gases they produce. Kind of a good neighbor policy. Anyway, flying triangles.

Flying triangles with lights. And the lights change patterns.

Dipindaharda Senior Deputy Sheriff Lawrence "Leather Larry" Luckhardt says "the lights keep changing. It's like a light show. Very cool." Actually Deputy Leather said "Them thar lahts..." But it's hard to catch this kind of regionalism in print.

Experts from the World Flying Saucer Center, the WFSC (they have to modernize that name!) say the lights are advertisements from businesses on Mars, sponsors of the flight. (Free enterprise thrives on our neighboring planet. No government subsidies for these interplanetary excursions.) The President of the WFSC, Hans Fertig, an astrophysicist and first man to levitate on the White House lawn, says "when the ships take off, they rise slowly through the Martian atmosphere, and the lights are easily visible to Martians on the ground for hours. So some of the larger industrial companies and some service businesses have used the lights to promote themselves. It's cheap advertising, and effective."

Back in Texas, Col. A. Harley Burkett (USMC-Ret.) says that "the triangles made no sound. And they were flying very low to the ground." He also says he saw one of the strange aircraft "chased by a couple of F-16s from the air base over the hill."

A check with the air base over the hill elicited three different responses. When the UFOs were first reported, a spokesman for the base, who spoke on condition of anonymity because he wasn't authorized to speak said "I can't talk about that." During a check-back one day later, he said "those weren't our planes. We had no planes in the air at the time of the reports." And a week later he said, still speaking on condition of anonymity, that they indeed DID have planes in the air over Dipindaharda that night, "so what they saw was us."

A spokesman not authorized to speak, speaks. And we believe him.

By now, of course, the Martians have established a base camp in Texas farm country, and sent their ad-bearing flying triangles back to Mars for supplies.

Somebody call Chertoff.*

*(Homeland Security chief at the time of original writing.)

I'm Wes Richards. My opinions are my own, but you're welcome to them.®
©WJR 2008

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