Wednesday, January 16, 2013

Who Ya Gonna Call? Goat Rustlers

1123  Who Ya Gonna Call?  Goat Rustlers

(NEW ROSES, PA) -- The local paper here reports that “up to two dozen” goats were stolen from a farm in mid to late December.  This is serious business.

State Police are on the case.  They have search warrants for every goat farm in the region.  They will find the missing goats and arrest the Awful Horrible Person who made off with them.

We all know how important goats are to the local economy and ecology.  Where else can you find animals that ingest soup cans, discarded vacuum cleaner bags and any other old junk?  Goats are the ultimate recycling kings and queens.  They turn otherwise dangerous materials into … well … goat excreta which we all know is great for crops and biodegrades in a matter of a few moments.  Goats turn metal into fertilizer.  They are valuable.  They give milk which is made into “Goat Cheese” which is exotic and expensive, thus boosting the local economy.  And they have cute goatees.

Who could get through elementary school without paying tribute to the “Three Billygoats Gruff?”  Stealing goats is a horrendous crime. (An horrendous crime for grammar luddites.)

Twenty four missing goats.  Posters have gone up on telephone poles throughout the region.  “Have you seen this goat?” is posted along with pictures on the local cartons of milk -- both cow’s and goat’s.

Who would do such a callous thing as rustling goats?!

What’s even more horrible is the thought that these goats would be butchered and sold for their meat.  It’s just not right.

It’s even worse than sneaking into someone’s garden and rustling vegetables.  “Unhand those carrots, Mr.  I have my assault rifle at the ready.”  Is there a stand your ground law here?  “It was self defense, your honor.  I was just protecting my castle.  I saw the thief with his hands full of my organic carrots, identified myself, said I was armed. Demanded he put them down.  Fired a warning shot when he didn’t.  And finally, had to kill him.”

“Sir, shooting a rabbit in your garden is not a crime.  Unless it’s out of season, which this one was.  Twenty-five years to life.”


--A video has surfaced in which president Lenin of Egypt has called Jews “bloodsuckers.”  The video is from about two years ago when he was chairman of the Muslim Brotherhood and was expected to say such things to keep the contributions rolling in.  Of course, we can all assume that as leader of the most populous Muslim state in Africa, he will have changed his tune.

--Chances are pretty good jurors will find Jodi Arias guilty of murder and there  are at least two reasons to think so.  First, she admitted the killing and her claim of self defense isn’t going to wash.  Second, these jurors don’t want to be subjected to the kind of hate fest that befell the Casey Anthony jurors when they came back with a not guilty verdict.

I’m Wes Richards.  My opinions are my own but you’re welcome to them. ®
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© WJR 2013

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