Monday, September 09, 2019

2026 When Your Memory Foam Forgets



Is your memory foam mattress’ memory selective?  Like when that special someone spends the night, does he or she leave a lasting impression?  If there’s a second special someone, does the memory of the first one lingering on?

And what happens when the mattress gets old and starts forgetting things?  Maybe they should start combining memory foam mattrii with digital assistants.

“Serta! Barbie is coming over tonight. Please set for her size.” “Setting dimensions for Barbie.”

“Hey, Sealy! Ken’s coming over tonight please set for his size.” 
“There are two people named ‘Ken’ in your contact list. Which would you like to set for?”

“Wake up, Simmons. I’m about to make the bed with fitted sheet ‘tan number five.’ Please adjust.”
“You have washed ‘tan number five’ 14 times.  It has shrunk by 2% from the original.  Pulling in my corners two inches each and will restore when the fitted sheet is on properly.”

“OK, Springaire.”
Listening.”
“The grandchildren are coming over for lunch today. Please adjust to withstand their bouncing.”
“Are they bringing the dog?  Listening.”
“Yes.”
“Adjusting for bouncing grandchildren plus dog.”

Memory foam is not just for mattresses anymore.  They put it in everything they can.  Shoes, pillows, pen grips, chairs of almost every description including car seats, baby strollers and carriages.  They put it in dog houses and don’t be surprised if they start putting it in carpet padding and Fitbit bands.

And -- this is only rumor -- one of the major bathtub makers is experimenting with an eye to developing a non-skid, waterproof bathtub liner.  That’ll be followed by a waterproof digital assistant.  We already have the technology for that with showerproof radios.

And now a word from our sponsor:

Does your memory foam mattress forget you?  Is it aging?  Try Reviva-Foam and make it smile again.
Reviva-foam is not for everyone.  Side effects include new or increased sagging, lumpiness, flattening or depressed centers. If any of these conditions develop, stop using Reviva-Foam and call your mattress doctor immediately.  Not recommended for children under six. Use only as directed and make your mattress remember you.

GRAPESHOT
-The reason trump uses markers: they no longer allow him to handle sharp instruments.

-The reason Facebook shouldn’t face antitrust charges: There’s no monopoly on stupid.

-If everything is offensive, who do you complain to?

-A hat-tip to NOAA for drinking trump-aid and reversing its position on whether hurricane Dorian would flatten Alabama.

I’m Wes Richards. My opinions are my own but you’re welcome to them. ®
Comments?  Send ‘em here: wesrichards@gmail.com
© WJR 2019



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