1025 The Donald, the Hero

1025 The Donald, The Hero

Okay, let’s review some earlier points:

☻☛☛ The goal of an institution fast becomes self perpetuation rather than whatever it was it formed to do or un-do.
☻☛☛ Depending on its wealth it succeeds, sometimes medium term, sometimes long term, but never forever.
☻☛☛ This is truer of non-commercial entities (churches, unions, legislative bodies, charities) than it is of corporations.
☻☛☛ The pivotal premise behind this self perpetuation is a combination of greed and the idiot notion that “we are doing God’s work on earth.”

Take a look at the various fraternal societies named for animals, the ever re-forming AFL CIO and any hospital on a building binge.  Or the Vatican, the Crystal Cathedral or any college or university with a scandal or a sudden lack of student population or research grants.

The Tea Party is in ascent right now.  Wait awhile, when it gets big enough, it will divide like the amoeba it is.

We are trained from childhood to respect these institutions.  Who can respect the public school system of the City of New York?  Or the Congress of the United States?

Can you subscribe to the ideas and principles of the Roman Catholic Church, but still diss the Pope and his butler?  Yes, but it’s not easy.

Corporations also believe they’re doing God’s work on earth.  And that’s kind of a reversion to form.   The attitude developed among the industrial titans of the 19th century.  It evolved into something much simpler in the 20th (“We’re here to make money, period.”)  That’s easy enough to understand.   But it’s moving back toward more of what the JP Morgans and the Andrew Carnegies and the Rockefellers believed.

Okay.  We’re all doing God’s work.  (Isn’t that what Al Qaeda believes of itself?)  Therefore, we have a right -- no, we have an obligation to trample the opposition.  Way cool.  That makes Wal-Mart (which is a church in store’s clothing to begin with) and the big banks and telephone companies into worship objects with unquestioned authority.

And it makes guys like Donald Trump into heroes.  Because Trump, for all his baloney, is totally transparent about what he wants:  Money and publicity.  Not necessarily in that order.

It’s nice to have something simple to deal with.  


Shrapnel:

--Aw c’mon, Mike, we understand you want to make New York a healthier place by doing what government does best: banning and taxing.  But don’t take away our big soda bottles and fountain drinks!  You’re only going to make a black market for 24 ounce Mountain Dews and Slushies from Long Island, New Jersey, Connecticut and Westchester.

--What are you going to do, build checkpoints at the bridges and tunnels?  Make everyone coming in submit to searches for Big Gulps and imported “Gen-U-Ine New York Egg Creams?” Run a deli and bodega posse?

--And what’s next on the Protect The Peasants list, big bottles of beer, fattening full strength milk?  There are 440 calories in a 24 ounce glass of pure orange juice and 200 in the same amount of V-8. Plus, everyone already shops in Jersey and on Long Island where sales taxes are lower and this would give them yet another reason.

I’m Wes Richards.  My opinions are my own but you’re welcome to them. ®
Please address comments to wesrichards@gmail.com
© WJR 2012

1024 The IPO

1024 The IPO

What ever happened to taking risks?  Facebook’s initial public offering -- its IPO -- was one of the biggest busts in recent history.  After months of buildup, they finally started selling their stock.  But the expected frenzy of activity died aborning.  

Anyone with any brains could tell you that while people use Facebook a lot, almost no one responds to the constant barrage of ads.  GM, which no longer has money to burn decided to cancel its advertising contracts.  And as Engine Charlie Wilson of General Motors is often misquoted as saying, What’s good for General Motors is good for the country.  In this case that’s true.  (Wilson actually said “what’s good for the country is good for General Motors and vice versa.”)

If GM bails on a big contract with Facebook, what does that mean for Joe’s Real New York Pizza of Pocatello, Idaho?

Right.

The banks and others tried to shore up the stock.  It didn’t work.  Plus there were trading delays caused by some computer screwup.

And first day buyers are all atwitter (oops) about losing their shirts on Facebook.  Hey... you buy in, you might do well and you might lose your shirt.  What do you want, FDIC insurance on your stupidity?

What drives the stock market?  Institutionalized investors.  Forget the old-time widows and orphans who bought carloads of AT&T, GM, GE, Long Island Lighting.  Nice conservatively run companies with dividends you could live on.  The widows and orphans don’t stand a chance in today’s world.  Stock prices are swayed by whether the heads of a couple of mutual funds and retirement systems get up on the wrong side of the bed on a particular morning.

Buying stuff -- even from MegaBucks TV -- carries risk.  So don’t get all out of joint when a pump and dump stock just dumps.


---

From the mailbag:  A reader writes a general comment ending with “try not to be an idiot all of your life.”  Dear Reader: I have not yet lived all of my life, so there’s still hope.

Another reader objected to my including Newsday’s Ellis Henican in a list of top newspaper columnists.  My opinions are my own and you’re welcome to reject them as you are to accept them.

After running “Dishwasher logistics,” in came an e-mail that asked “you wash dishes?”  Nope.  The machine does.  But I have learned to fake polishing the furniture by spraying Pledge into the air and leaving the can sitting in plain sight so it looks like (and smells like) it’s been used.


Shrapnel:

--China and Taiwan are trying to outdo one another in improving relations across the Strait.  At the same time, both sides are building up their military, buying or building new jet fighters and placing landing strips in places that make it easy to stage an invasion.   Believe the Air Forces, not the politicians.

I’m Wes Richards. My opinions are my own but you’re welcome to them. ®
Please address comments to wesrichards@gmail.com
© WJR 2012

1023 MegaBucks TV

1023 MegaBucks Television

Welcome to MegaBucks Television the new shopping channel for investors.   No more CNBC for you.  Or Bloomberg, Fox BN!  We’re here 24/7 to bring you bargains and exclusives that make your financial channels, newspapers and websites, your brokers and bankers obsolete!

You’ll be first to see new products.  You’ll get bargains on the things you need every day!   It’s just like Home Shopping, QVC, JTV, Liquidation Network and all the rest.  But it’s all here for you, the investor.

Later today, we’ll show you some new products that will not only help you make money, but will help the environment as well.  BV is your exclusive source for used plastic bottles.  It’s a hot commodity, and you’ll want to buy now while the price is low.  It’s SO new, there isn’t even an exchange for trading it.  But we have it all here for you.  Everything from portable sports drink bottles, to multi-liter cola bottles to great big water cooler tank-bottles.  Keep these things out of the landfill and get in on the ground floor of this exciting opportunity.  Be here at 3PM eastern for the debut of the BV Water Bottle Exchange.

Now, on to today’s special.  Berkshire Hathaway “A” stock.  BRKA closed Friday at about $119,400.  But because it’s today’s special, here, we’re going to give it to you for only $119-even.  That’s a whopping 400 dollars off the list price.  And since this is today’s special, you save the $200 usual shipping and handling charge … today, shipping and handling are free!  And you can choose EZ Pay!  Yes, easy pay.   Get this value home today for only $100.00.  We’ll charge your credit card another hundred for each the next 1200 months!  And you can bring home a share of one of America’s most prestigious companies today for only $100!  As a special bonus if you order now, you’ll get a copy of Warren Buffett’s Investment letter, absolutely free!

The phone lines are very busy, so keep dialing.  Or go to our website EmBeeTee.com.

We accept Visa, MasterCard, American Express, Discover, ExxonMobil and all other major credit cards.  Don’t wait.  We’re expecting a sellout!

Now, let us introduce a special guest, Charles Ponzi, who will explain derivatives and hedge funds and has a few special exclusive MBT offers.

Charlie, welcome to MBT, and let me start by asking you if it’s possible to buy derivatives without “assembly required?”

“No, Dan, that’s part of the fun of derivatives.  You have to kind of put them together yourself.  But not to worry.  We include easy instructions with every item and you can always call our Derivative Help Line and speak to a customer service representative and assembly expert for a nominal fee.”

Please remember that past performance is no guarantee of future gains.  Loss of principal and interest or dividends is possible.  Market conditions vary.  This information is valid as of 5/28/12.  MBT does not warrant gains and by ordering you accept responsibility for your investment’s performance.  These are not government guaranteed securities.


Shrapnel:

--

I’m Wes Richards.  My opinions are my own but you’re welcome to them. ®
Please address comments to wesrichards@gmail.com
© WJR 2011

1022 With Feet of Clay

1022 With Feet of Clay

Okay, enough, already.  American Idol season eleven sealed it.  Never again will a “singing” competition darken the TV in this joint.

The season finale on Wednesday (5/23/12) was the worst television program since “Supertrain,” “The Adventures of Paddy the Pelican” and “The 700 Club.”  And it’s really tough to beat Paddy (pelican) and Pat (Robertson.)

The Idol final was a two hour and six minute scream fest with more flashy production than an explosion in a costume jewelry factory.  Not flashy enough, though, to hide the fact that if this was about singing, then singing is dead.

One major talent this year: Jessica Sanchez.  She’s a 16 year old kid from California, Filipina-Tex-Mex with a voice that puts a generation of so-called greats to shame, but who was encouraged to screech like a cat in heat instead of to sing.  She came in second.  No worries.  Her future is a done deal.  The winner, Phil Phillips is a Paul Simon wannabe who can’t carry a tune, can’t articulate a word, can’t play the guitar but has great teeth and nice hair.

Sanchez on a quiet day and last year’s winner, Scotty McCreery, are the only two performers in all eleven seasons to make actual music.

But the rest of the cast this year was even worse than the winner and the runner up.  You had Joshua Ledet who showed some promise en route to his exit.  But someone should have told him “this is not the Full Gospel Church on a Sunday Morning or a Motown Soul Club at closing time when everyone is drunk and WANTS to hear screaming just to stay awake.”

There’s a difference between vocal acrobatics and vocal contortions.  Someone tell the music mavens who run this thing.

To be fair, it’s not always the contestants’ fault when they sound lousy.  The producers force styles and song choices on them and they’re often unable to handle the challenges.  No reason the kids who vie for the title can’t pick better stuff.

Enough, already.  Idol, X Factor, the Voice, the Sing Off, America’s Got Talent.  Keep ‘em all.

Oh, and one more thing:  assuming accurate counting, there were ten million more votes for the Idol finalists than there were for the 2008 presidential elections.   And that’s pathetic.

As is this question:  this voting’s on the level, right?

Shrapnel:

--Will someone tell that pathetic paternalistic fundamentalist right wing whack job Huckabee that the Presidential Oath of Office is an oath of office and not a job description?  He’s busy railing against Obama because the president’s “job” is to uphold the constitution, not “give everyone a fair shot,” as Obama intoned the other day.  But even if you consider the oath a job description, that doesn’t make what Obama intoned wrong.

--It’s nice to see that Arizona has satisfied itself that Obama was born in Hawaii.  But that wasn’t enough for the Maricopa County Sheriff who sent his own posse to Honolulu to do its own investigation... at government expense.  Think he’d have done that if Obama were born in, say, Porcupine, South Dakota or Elizabeth, New Jersey?

--City Supervisor John Avalos of San Francisco says he consulted a Ouija board before voting on a non-binding resolution to name a ship after Harvey Milk, the openly gay supervisor who was murdered.  Avalos says he contacted Milk’s spirit and was encouraged to vote for the resolution which passed.  Send your supervisor, U.S. Senators and Representative Ouija boards of their own... their performance will improve.


I’m Wes Richards.  My opinions are my own but you’re welcome to them.  ®
Please address comments to wesrichards@gmail.com
© WJR 2012

1021 Orwell in the Supermarket

1021 Orwell in the Supermarket

George Orwell has risen from the grave to take over the labels in your supermarket.  Not the nutrition labels, mind you.  Those get a federal once-over now and then and no one wants to run afoul of the FDA, not that there’s much risk of that.

It’s the front of the package labels that are getting so Orwellian they have to be classified as Tabloid Companions.

Here’s a bag of potato sticks with relatively little fat in it.  Nice.  Not bad tasting.  But it’s not exactly a “Vegetable Garden in a Snack” as the label tells you.  Some minor things like celery powder and ground tomato are ingredient numbers 325 and 487, right between the various preservatives.  And, yes, potato is high on the list and is a vegetable.  But really.

Then there are the strawberry ice pops which are “made with real fruit.”  And, yes they are … pears and some other things, but no strawberries.  Pears are real fruit.  They are ingredient 19 out of 23.  

There is a difference between “Natural ingredients” and “all natural ingredients.”

And there is no universally recognized standard for “organic.”

How do they load the white bread with whole grains and still make it white bread?

How do they get 8 grams of fiber in a “serving” when in earlier years they could barely squeeze in two? Wonder Bread and Sara Lee with whole grains doesn’t taste like sawdust.  But really.

What about those “farm raised” fish and “free range” eggs?

Then there’s the vegetable juice that tastes like fruit.    You drink that to get a dose (serving) of vegetables without tasting them.  You don’t like V8?  You’re a damn commie terrorist fascist.

Oh, and two of the touchy-feely brands, Morningstar Farms and the new agey Kashi?  They’re owned by Kellogg’s.  Nothing wrong with that but why hide it in the fine print?

Of course, the full Orwellization of the supermarket won’t take place until they sell pigs with only two feet.  But that day will come.


Shrapnel:
--Judge Glen Berman in New Brunswick NJ got it right when he sentenced Dharun Ravi to 30 days in jail and three years probation this week for posting his video of his college roommate in gay embrace.  The roommate, Tyler Clementi,  later committed suicide.  Berman points out there’s a difference between a hate crime and a bias crime and this was the latter.

--Why do the current owners of Chock Full O’Nuts coffee feel obligated to tell us in huge letters on the top of the can that there are no nuts in the grind?  After almost 90 years there’s no one left alive who needs to be told that.  It never did, and most coffee drinkers know that, too.

--The Germans, the Russians and the Chinese don’t share a lot culturally, but one thing they do share is wry, sarcastic humor as evidenced in this dialogue is which is real:
He:  I took a sleeping pill and I’m half dead... She:  So take a second pill.

I’m Wes Richards.  My opinions are my own but you’re welcome to them. ®
Please address comments to wesrichards@gmail.com
© WJR 2012

1020 Out of the Frying Pan

1020 Out of the Frying Pan

We’ve all been inundated by ads for those “green” frying pans.  They do this, they do that, they do the other thing.  Turn you into Martha Stewart or Emeril overnight.  Stuff just slides off.  Withstands oven temperatures.  Lasts a lifetime.  Use it as a hammer, it’s so strong. Now just $19.95.  But wait, there’s more.  Order now and get a second one free (just pay additional shipping and handling.)

Well, never let it be said that cheap TV ads don’t work.  We ordered in March and they delivered in May.  In the intervening weeks, we spoke to our new old friend Gomez at customer service several times.  Each time he soothingly promised that our four to six weeks shipping time was delayed by an overload of orders and lack of stock.

So it arrives.  They, actually.  Oh boy! Sunnyside up eggs for breakfast!  All you have to do is slick the pan by oiling it, heating it, cooling it, wiping it clean.  No problem.

Stove top?  Check.  Vegetable oil? Check.  Smoke detector on? Check.

Easy as can be.   The oil is to break the pan in.  Cooking won’t need it, say the instructions.  So fluffy and slick you can just blow it off the pan and onto the plate.

Not quite.  A powdery residue prevents that.  In fact, it prevents getting the egg off the pan in one piece.  So far, it’s no better than the stuff they sell at Pans R Us.  But for ten bucks, what the hell.

“Clean with warm soapy water and towel dry.”

Except for the black spots that have become part of the skin of the skillet.  

The eggs tasted fine.  Eat your heart out, Martha and Emeril.

The pan is no more no-stick than any other.  And the new decorations are inelegant..

So let’s turn ‘em back.  Call Gomez.  (How often do you get the same customer service rep twice? Three times leads one to believe there’s only one guy there.)

He turns on the light, gets out the truncheon and asks “why are you returning it?”
In the end, he promises to send a replacement, free.  No shipping or handling charge.  Seven to ten business days (don’t hold your breath.)

A “small number” of the latest batch of pans are defective.  Just dumb luck that one of them ended up here.  Eventually we’ll try the original "free" one (plus postage and handling.)  Chances are it, too, will be among the “small number” that is defective.

If it’s business as usual at Telebrands, the third one will arrive sometime before Labor Day and we’ll take that one for a test drive, too.

If it’s also among the “small number” all three are going back via UPS and when the credit card bill comes, it’s going to be challenged.

Meantime, come on over.  Have some eggs with blackish brown powder undersides.  Delicious.  Environmentally friendly.  Cooked in a pan you can use as a hammer.

Shrapnel:

--Word wonder?  Since “iota” is based on the number ten, is “not one iota of difference” the same as “not a dime’s worth of difference?”  And if so, who thought to translate the Cyrillic/Greek/Latin former into the American latter?

I’m Wes Richards.  My opinions are my own but you’re welcome to them. ®
Please address comments to wesrichards@gmail.com
© WJR 2012

1019 Punish Pedro

1019 Punish Pedro!

Pedro Espada is a thief.  This is not news, because everyone already knew that.  But now he’s a convicted thief.

Espada is a former State Senator from the Bronx.  He has been in one public job or another for around 30 years.   And all he says about his thievery is that it’s a bunch of charges trumped up by his political enemies.  That’s what they all say... or at least all who get caught.

Politicians who steal are a dime a dozen.  What’s special about Espada is that he skimmed money from the supposedly non-profit healthcare network he started and he heads.  Another rob the poor job.  The Bronx has produced some elegantly corrupt office holders.  Most of them understood you had to give back.  Not Pedro.

His company is called Soundview.  And Espada used his corporate credit card to buy little things like lobster and sushi.  You can buy an awful lot of that with $100,000.  How much lobster can one guy eat?  But the lobster and sushi are small fish.  The real stealing went into the millions.

You may remember this guy as the Democrat who defected to the Republicans after his original party won a majority in the State Senate.  That brought chaos.  Of course, chaos is standard operating procedure in Albany.  But this was even more chaotic chaos than the usual.  No one knew what to do.  Pedro did.  He went back to the Dems and they elected him leader of the pack.

Fortunately for everyone but his girlfriend, he beat her up and that got him thrown out of Albany.  But it didn’t get him thrown out of Soundview.

How many doctor visits and colonoscopies and mammograms can you buy for what Pedro stole?

Now, lock the guy up and let him skim scam and steal for cigarettes and cerveza in the federal pen.

Meantime someone has to put Soundview back on sound footing.  Is there a doctor in the house?

Shrapnel:


--NYU researchers in southern France have found what they say are the world’s oldest cave paintings, perhaps 37,000 years old.  One says “even then, people wanted to decorate their homes.”  Hard to believe since God created the world only five or six thousand years ago.

--Things are tough in the banking world.  First, there was the two billion dollar trading loss at Chase.  Now First Republic, about one millionth the size of Chase is cutting back on the grace period for renewing CDs, and probably further lowering interest payments.  But they still know your name when you walk in, which is becoming easier because no one will walk in after the latest changes.

--Stop using “comparing apples and oranges” as a contradiction... you know who you are and it isn’t.  Both are spherical fruit, both grow on trees, both can be eaten raw or juiced, both are filled with seeds.  It’s a perfectly decent and legitimate comparison.

I’m Wes Richards.  My opinions are my own but you’re welcome to them. ®
Please address comments to wesrichards@gmail.com
© WJR 2011