Wednesday, June 06, 2007

Representative Nein

251 Representative Nein.

He didn’t start life that way. His name when he was born was Benny Kerickov. But Benny soon got the nickname “Nein.” And it stuck.

As a kid, he was against everything. You were an A student, he was an F (a perfect score for his future career.) You were an F student, he was a C+ (never could get more than a B, and that was in art.)

“Benny, you want cereal for breakfast?” his mother would ask. “No,” he’d reply.

“Benny, your pal Arnie is here. Why don’t you two go play outside?”

“No. Inside.”

“Benny, it’s raining, get in the house.”


Later, his interest in politics started developing. You were a Republican, he was a Democrat. You were a Democrat, he was a Republican.

This changed more or less permanently when the Democrats asked him to run for City Council. “No. I’m a Republican.”

The Republicans didn’t invite him to join, so he stayed a Republican. But it didn’t matter. Councilman Nein never voted a strict party line. He just voted “Nein!”

Whatever was proposed, Nein opposed.

This brought notice from the state Republican Chairman who was wise and clever. One day he went to Benny and said “Nein, please don’t run for higher office.” And of course, Nein said “nein” and that started him on a career in the Statehouse.

The Chairman knew he had a winner. And Nein didn’t disappoint. He recently was invited to step down rather than running for an eleventh term. And, naturally, he declined the request, ran, won again and continues to this day to oppose everything.

Now, they’re thinking about running him for Congress, which – if they do it – they will do by telling him he cannot run for Congress. And Nein will say “nein” and run, and probably win.

There’s something to be said for this kind of consistency.

Nein really favors the war in Iraq and would have been in a terrible quandary if he were forced to oppose it with his vote. But that’s all passed, and he’s free, now, to oppose a war budget (“it’s a guaranteed tax increase.”) He’s free to vote against any expansion of social programs (cost too much.) Even can vote against establishment of National Bassett Hound Day (minority dog breeds should be afforded the same honors as majority breeds, like Labrador Retrievers, and they don’t have a special “day” named for them!)

He can oppose Republican nominees to the Supreme Court (too liberal.) He can oppose Democratic nominees (WAY too liberal.)

He can oppose pay raises for himself. (He knows the bill will pass, so he can vote “no” and look good to the constituents.)

But he’s never sponsored a bill (hasn’t figured out how to sponsor and oppose at the same time,) but once came close.

It was a measure that would have kept the voting records of State Representatives secret. “We can’t go to fast in letting the public know what we’re doing behind its back, now can we? We must be cautious,” said Nein.

I'm Wes Richards, my opinions are my own, but you're welcome to them.

(c) 2007 WJR

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