Monday, December 03, 2007

An Olive Branch From The Mega Church

#328 An Olive Branch from the Mega Church

The bishops of Bentburg must be feeling ecumenical. Either that, or business must stink.

A year ago in this space we complained that the stores here in Stonewall County omitted Chanukah decorations, foods, candles and music. No need, they said. Too few Jews.

This year, it’s different. Walking through Mega Church Super Store the other day, along with the Bing Crosby cliché music, and the Best of the Saccharine Singers, was an actual Chanukah song. Right there on the loudspeaker system between the Brand-X overalls and the Museum of Pre Historic Vegetables.

If you still think Mega Mart is a department store and haven’t yet realized that it’s a church, you’d better wander the aisles with your eyes and ears open. A church and a way of life. Check out what passes for clothing and jewelry styles. Check out what passes for the book section. Check out what ISN’T in the music department.

Oh, to have been a fly on the wall when the Council of Elders planned this year’s December holiday merchandising?

They got some letters of complaint about the lack of ecumenical stuff last year. They didn’t answer. Maybe that one song is the answer.

Things ARE tough in retail today, and that’s how the Mega Church makes its money, except for tithes.

Maybe they had a “analyst” or a “consultant” on board.

Maybe he (it would have to be a “he,” because they learned their lesson about women executives earlier this year) said, look we all know about these complaining customers. Let’s do what we do with everyone else and play to their habits. Can’t hurt business, might even bring in a few extra bucks “…which y’all can certainly use.”

Okay, says the consultant, let’s look at how we think about these complainers.

1. They’re cheap. Okay, so are we. There’s potential here.

2. They’re clannish. Yes, and even though there aren’t many of them, they stick together and talk among themselves and we really can’t risk alienating these guys because….

3. They control the media and the banking industry, and while we don’t need the banks – at least not right now – we don’t want any more bad press than we already get just by being who we are and doing what we do.

It could have happened that way. But only the Mega Church Bishops know for sure.

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