Friday, March 26, 2010

681 Thank You Mr. Heston

681 Thank You Mr. Heston

The chirpy little grocery checker-outer asks "would you like to buy some reusable shopping bags, or do you prefer to continue destroying the earth with paper or plastic?"

Good question. The answer is the latter, plastic in particular.

Those of us of a certain age will not be around for the planetary destruction-by-polyethylene. And should we return in the next life as seagulls or chipmunks, we'll have a better time getting at left over food because these bags tear so easily. No challenge to a gull beak or a rodent paw.

"Listen, your chirpyness, you're talking to a guy who hasn't had to buy a plastic garbage bag in decades."

We hoard the bags awaiting the day they'll be either illegal or stores will start charging for them. What the Collier brothers (and NBC's Ray Geraty) were to old newspapers, we are to supermarket plastic. Even to the point of asking for extras. Even to the point of snitching them from the self-checkout line.

Of course they're bad for the landfills. Of course it takes a billion years for them to degrade in the soil, if ever they do. And, yes, there's the old saw "If everybody did that, what would happen?" So many people now use the reusables. And that's good. But some of us just can't let go of the old ways. Or refuse to. We're plastic reactionaries.

The bags fit nicely in garbage or waste cans in workshops and kitchens, bathrooms and even in the car. They're handy for dust proof storage for countless items. And best of all... they're free!

We're even thinking of forming a National Bag Association, but we'll have to call it something else, because the National Basketball Association would probably object to the use of the initials NBA.

The bags are weapons -- you can ask anyone who ever has gotten his head stuck in one. But... Grocery bags don't kill people. People kill people.

The Supreme Court has ruled that the second amendment protects them. And there are no laws against carrying concealed plastic bags. After all, you can't blame a guy for wanting to protect his home, his family, his possessions, and most of all, his garbage.

As Charlton Heston said of guns "You'll get my plastic bag when you take it from my cold dead hands."


--These postings generally strive for a light tone, even on serious subjects. Lately, there's been some gratuitous nastiness, which seems to be airborne everywhere. This sometimes happens when we get so passionate about a subject that it blinds us.

--To be sure, as one friend pointed out, there's more than enough "nasty" to go around these days. And the inference is that it doesn't accomplish much. And he's right.

--When was the last time you saw a skywriter? Is there a shortage of stunt pilots? Or is is it just that it's so much easier and cheaper to advertise on the internet?

I'm Wes Richards. My opinions are my own but you're welcome to them.®
©WJR 2010

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