Friday, August 06, 2010

740 Sliders

740 Sliders

This is something you need to know, why they call those near-microscopic hamburgers "sliders."

The other day, we received a press release from Columbus, Ohio- based White Castle, a burger chain that owns all of its own stores -- you can't buy a franchise. This is a famous place, or an infamous place, depending on your viewpoint. It was the store where the hamburger bun was invented. And the "slider." The original was square, tiny, had holes punched in it and was made of whatever meat was lying around. Beef, pork, veal, sawdust, whatever. Today, they're 100% beef. Supposedly.

So here we are, veteran of White Castle since the 1940s, standing on line in a local gourmet supermarket which sells "sliders," ready to cook. The checker-outer is "Liz," a lovely woman who usually works the customer service desk.

Customer: "do you know why they call them "sliders?"

Liz: "No, why?"

Customer: "I'll tell you, but first you'll have to promise you won't hate me when I tell you."

Liz: "Sure. I could never hate you."

Customer: "Thank you, It's from White Castle. And it's because they leave your system as fast as you take them in."

Liz wasn't offended. But they guy in the meat department was. And so was the outsourced publicist for White Castle who heard the same story.

Meat Dept Worker: "Yech, what a way to start the day!"

Customer: "Maybe you want to call them something else, then?"

White Castle Publicist: "Are you sure?"

Customer: "Absolutely. Cheaper than Ex-Lax and it tastes better."

White Castle supplies frozen "sliders" to grocery stores. Pop 'em in the micro and a minute or two later, you have... sliders. Sort of. They are dryer than the restaurant version and taste, well, much worse.

Thing is, if you pass one on the highway and decide that that's dinner, make sure you're near a porta potty. Don't worry about losing time. The effect won't take long. And it's cheaper than laxatives. Not as cheap as it used to be, but still cheaper. Better than McDonald's, Burger King, Wendy's and Taco Bell. And oh, so much better than anything you can buy at the drugstore.


--How did THIS happen? The Senate confirmed Elena Kagan as justice of the U.S. Supreme Court. Couldn't the tea partiers have found SOMETHING to eliminate her? Another abject failure and a call to reason: Bring back Harold Carswell or Clement Haynsworth.

--Governor Schwarzenegger and Attorney General Moonbeam of California refused to defend themselves in the lawsuit about the gay marriage proposition. Does this mean it's still possible for proper Republicans and Democrats to find common ground? Yes, if the talk show yo-yos keep their mouths shut -- which is unlikely.

--Why does hair dye have to stink? You'd think that in the modern world of cosmetic chemistry, they'd come up with something that doesn't give you shortness of breath and maybe lung cancer. Coloring your hair? Wear a mask -- available at any big box or hardware store.

I'm Wes Richards. My opinions are my own but you're welcome to them.®
©WJR 2010

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