Wednesday, January 12, 2011

808 Out of the Can

808 Out of the Can

You can’t get the stuff out of the bottom of the can without adding water. Or the jar. It just can’t be done. Soup is the worst, especially “regular” soup as opposed to condensed where you have to add water anyway.

You open your minestrone, pour it into the pot or the microwave bowl and, of course, there’s still stuff at the bottom of the can. Teaspoon. Not good enough. Chopsticks. Still not good enough. So you add a little water and stir and pour, and at last, everything’s in the pot.

If Progresso wanted you to add water, they’d have told you so. The soup’s diluted now, though not by much. But still.

You never really see your face. The mirror is backward. You never really taste the soup the way it was intended.

Condensed soup has problems of its own. Sometimes it’s so gooey that you can’t get the stuff from the bottom out, either. Two remedies: (1) when adding water, fill only half the can and pour, then fill the can halfway again and stir and pour. This only works sometimes and with some soups. (2) Pour in the soup, add the water and then use a can opener on the bottom of the can and scrape what’s left into the pot.

But it’s not just soup.

Ever get everything -- EVERYTHING -- out of a jar of peanut butter or jelly? How about mayonnaise? Liquid detergent or softener or bleach?

Can you ever fully get that last quarter teaspoon of coffee out of the can? Maybe with tweezers. You can’t open the bottom of most coffee cans with a can opener and even if you could, you’d still loose most of the remaining grind.

You’d think by now there’d be a can that doesn’t greedily retain stuff. Maybe a Teflon lining or a lift out soft plastic lining.

If you could collect a year’s worth of can-leavings and keep them fresh, you could feed the whole neighborhood.

Maybe Campbell’s and Tide are trying to teach us etiquette: it’s impolite to use the last bit of anything left.


--How is it many of the same people who blame porn for sex crimes decline to blame right wing talk show hosts and politicians for the Arizona shootings? The consensus among them seems to be “the shooter is just crazy. Right... and you-all?

--Speaking of right wing wackos, former house majority leader Tom “The Hammer” Delay gets three years in the slammer and ten years probation for conspiracy and money laundering. Maybe he’ll get to work in the prison laundry or get to break some rocks. If ever he really serves a day.

--This is not a trick question: How do you teach curiosity? Now that most of us have internet access either at home or school or work or the public library, what do we do to get kids interested in stuff that’ll help them instead of just amuse them?

I’m Wes Richards. My opinions are my own but you’re welcome to them. ®
© WJR 2011
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