Friday, December 25, 2015

1582 Don't Read This Post

1582 Don’t Read This Post

We had planned to take the day off. This was going to be a gesture in support of those who think any work done on Christmas is part of the imaginary war against the holiday and its celebrants.

So we expect low readership today as the faithful practice being faithful.  But then there are families on the fence about things.  Sure, go to church. But don’t let that stop you from watching the kids rev up the engines of hyperactivity as they open the presents under the tree.

And there are those who need a break from this kind of mini riot.  If you’re seeing this on 12/25, you may be one of those.

So, a piece of advice:  if you’re reading this as shelter, turn off your computer and seek solace from more traditional sources -- naps, booze, food, bell ringing, whatever -- because the rest of the post will be stream of consciousness nonsense not worthy of your attention.  At least not today.

  • “Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer” did not make Esquire magazine’s top ten worst list of Christmas songs this year.  Number one was “Wonderful Christmas Time” by Paul McCartney and Wings. Other artists on the list include (but are not limited to) Springsteen, Tiny Tim, Justin Bieber, the Jackson Five and Lady Gaga.
  • CNN spent a good chunk of Thursday morning (Eastern Time) showing what amounted to a still shot of people awaiting admission to the church in Bethlehem for midnight mass.  They could have saved a bundle in satellite fees by showing a picture postcard and no one would have known the difference.
  • Many people you don’t know went to great lengths to wish you a “merry Christmas” on Facebook.  That’s from the “just in case” department. (He sees you when you’re sleeping, he knows when you’re awake... ) so if you can’t be good, hide it.

  • Many people you don’t know went to even greater length to wish you a “merry Christmas” on Twitter.  These are people who normally can’t say “hello” in under 140 characters. Good discipline, if they continue down that path.

  • Most Chinese restaurants and takeout joints are open today. But there’s new competition. Many McDonalds that used to close for the holiday also are open.
  • If the sun is setting and your analog watch says 10:45, it is upside down and it’s really 4:15.  If the sun is setting and your digital watch says 10:45, you are upside down.  And you’ll be hung over in the morning.
  • Pay no attention to southern tornados and the northeast heatwave.  Global warming, as all patriotic Americans know, is a hoax. These conditions won’t last long, only until the start of the floods and famine.

  • Legislators who do nothing at work all year are now back home, also doing nothing.  No one will notice the difference but the operators of bars, brothels and bookie joints in Washington and 49 of the state capitals.

-See, I told you it wouldn’t be worth reading.
I’m Wes Richards. My opinions are my own but you’re welcome to them. ®
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© WJR 2015

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