With Christmas just weeks away, retailers were bracing for throngs of customers. Surprisingly, they were right. People started crowding malls (relatively speaking) and specialty shops just like any other December.
Everyone has his game face on. Everyone’s playing hardball by selling low ball. But the TV shopping channels are doing plenty of business, too. And sometimes that’s surprising given the stuff they sell.
There are two big channels, QVC and HSN, now jointly owned... and a few lag-behinds like Jewelry Television and Evine Live, formerly Shop HQ, formerly Shop NBC, formerly ValueVision.
They hawk every kind of clothing, makeup, skin cream, hair goo, vacuum cleaners, other small appliances, exercise machines, vitamins, toys, computers, iPads… you name it. But some items are just downright silly.
Example:
"Good afternoon and welcome to the Office Supplies Shopping Channel, where you can get all the office supplies you need delivered right to your door. I'm Sunny Chirpy, your host and this hour's special is this marvelous Penciline genuine wood pencil at a special price.
"You know you can never find a pencil when you need one, so we're making a special offer -- including six in a box at one low price -- $6.98.
Now I have to tell you, the last time we had these on the air, the Number Two-black sold out almost instantly. So get on those phones, people.
And today we're going to make it even easier for you to own. Yes, we've broken the price down to two EZ payments of just $3.49. So, less than $3.50 gets these pencils on their way to you. Not only that, but for this broadcast and this broadcast only, shipping and handling are free -- a saving of more than four dollars.
"Now, just take a look at these pencils! And we have them in several colors. There's a regular #2 with a yellow barrel, a red #2 with a red barrel and we also have a limited supply of green, blue and -- new for this season -- pink! Plus we have a limited number of #4s but only in the red and the regular black.
"Can you come in a little closer, Mr. Cameraman? Thanks. I want to show the viewers the quality construction of this genuine wood Penciline pencil.
Note the smooth easy grip finish. These are USA made, by the way. Perfectly polished and painted wood. Up here, toward the eraser, there is a first quality and beautifully decorated neckband, made from a special alloy of iron and copper. It holds this beautifully shaped low-shred eraser, perfectly cylindrical. But the real beauty of this pencil is down here, it's the point! What's a pencil without a good point?
"Now these Penciline graphite "leads" are long lasting and withstand high pressure writing. But we all know that eventually, every point either wears down or breaks. So look what those clever people at Penciline have done! They've built a mini sharpener right into the box! If you break a point, you just reach into your desk drawer pull out the box, and presto! You have a convenient sharpener right at your fingertips.
"Two EZ payment of just $3.49. And for this hour only, free shipping and handling, a saving of more than four dollars.
"Charge it to your Office Supplies Shopping Channel Visa, and we'll include a coupon for a steep discount on your next order, whether it's computer paper or ink, pens, more pencils, or file folders. All the things you have come to rely on from Office Supplies Shopping Channel.
"I'm Sunny Chirpy, and call the number on your screen right now for this one time only special from Penciline and Office Supplies Shopping Chanel."
SHRAPNEL (time bending edition):
--What happens in Santa’s workshop now that all the gifts are packed and ready for Christmas eve? They’re getting busy making signs for Presidents Day which is 2/18/2019. That’s because Santa wasn’t the low bidder for signs announcing January White Sales which begin December 26th.
--Anyone else remember this? Next year’s cars were released for sale toward the end of the year. They no longer are. You could by 2019 models of some cars as early as last July.
--Newsies used to have a slogan: “Get it first. But first get it right.” Now we just post the stories and if we have to, we lie about the date and time of posting. No readers pay attention to that anyway.
I’m Wes Richards. My opinions are my own but you’re welcome to them. ®
Please address comments to wesrichards@gmail.com
All sponsored content on this site is fake.
© WJR 2018
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