Friday, January 22, 2016

1594 S'no Panic Like the Present

1594 S’no Panic Like the Present

As a public service to those of you in the crosshairs of an upcoming snow disaster, some questions and reminders.

Word of this latest storm, for many the first of this winter, began circulating about a week ago.  This immediately set in motion a series of related events.

First, the TV crews went out to interview people at the warehouse or yard where your municipality stores its salt and sand and maintains its spreaders.  They came away with the splendid news that all’s well, that “we’re ready for whatever Mother Nature throws at us.”

Mother has had plenty of spare time to warm up her pitching arm this winter. Clayton Kershaw of the Dodgers has been coaching her in the off season. And she’ looks regal in that LA hat.

For good measure, local websites published maps of local “snow emergency routes,” and implored you to make sure you’re not parked on any of them.

Then, there was the massive stock panic.  No, not Wall Street. Wal-MART or Publix or wherever you buy the things you buy for storms of the century.  

By Tuesday, those same TV crews scouted the aisles of the nearest Safeway showing viewers a lot of empty space.  Thursday, there were lines at the gas station. Lines! With the lowest prices in recent memory. Lines! With zero possibility of a shortage.

In Flint, Michigan where they have to hire temporary water bearers because off-orange colored liquid lead comes out of the taps, the city received an emergency grant from the LL Bean Foundation to supply down coats for the bearers because as any student of mythology and history knows, these people work naked.  Sometimes in winter, it often gets cold in Flint.

Now, it’s time to check your pantry.  (Does anyone still have a pantry?) Is there enough whole grain whole wheat gluten free bread- like substance? Or do you have to hightail it to Healthy Living Superstore before they run out. (The TV crews skipped the Healthy Living Superstore because it pulled its advertising after an investigative report by one of the channels indicated that white bread doesn’t kill you and pectin doesn’t destroy grape jelly.)

Now the only question for people from the Appalachians to the Atlantic is when the storm turns out to be completely manageable, when the schools remain open, when the mail is delivered on schedule, when the power fails to fail what are you going to do with those three cases of condensed soup you just bought at Costco?  

Maybe the water bearers will help out because they have nothing else to do. And they want to show off those nice new coats.

Quote without comment: "Trump's candidacy has exposed, not just that tragic -- that ramifications of the betrayal of a transformation of our country, but, two, he has exposed the complicity on both sides of the aisle that has enabled it, OK?" -- Sarah Palin endorsing a presidential hopeful.



-So sue me, I lied about the “without comment” part.

I’m Wes Richards. My opinions are my own but you’re welcome to them. ®
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© WJR 2016

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