Friday, January 29, 2016

1597 The Quandary of the Nuns

The old timer sisters would have known how to handle this.  They would have torched thy neighbor.  Or picketed. Or both.

Now, everything’s a federal case.  Well, not necessarily an actual federal case, but at least a court case.

So it was when the Missionary Sisters of St. Charles Borromeo took the owners of neighboring Club Allure to Cook County Court.  A strip club.

Cook County is Chicago and lots of small adjacent places.  These neighbors are in neighboring Stone Park. They are next door to each other.

The nuns filed suit.  In it, they allege, there is lewd behavior and “paid sexual contact for arousal purposes.”  There’s a phrase for you.

But okay, it’s a strip club and it’s next to a convent and chances are pretty good the convent was there first, since the club was erected in 2012.

Cook County is home to about two million members of the Roman Catholic Church. That’s down a bit from past years.  Yet it’s still hard to imagine a judge named Peter Flynn ruling against the nuns.

But that’s what he did. Sort of.  He says if there’s prostitution and violations of the liquor law they must be documented.  And so he told the ladies to get some evidence and bring it on.

Thus, a quandary.  How are they going to do that?  Doff their habits dress provocatively then apply for work?  Sister Mary Elizabeth does a mean pole dance? Guys stuff currency into her g-string? Father Paul snaps proof with his iPhone?


Meantime, the club is trying to take the high road… about as easy to do as a nun on a stripper pole.  “We’re legal.”  That’s what their lawyers say. “We run a clean establishment” say they.

Joey from Chicago goes regularly.  You’d have to capture Joey on some pretext and ask him under oath “Joey, one of those girls take you into a back room for a little this and that?”  “No your honor. No such thing ever happened” he likely would say.


They could get Trixi on the witness stand and she’d say the same thing if asked if she took Joey to a back room.  

Perjury again.

Father Paul with the iPhone won’t go in as a decoy.  And neither will an aging altar boy with a fake ID who tries to buy a drink.

It’s awkward.

But the nuns are nothing if not persistent, so they’re going to figure something out. The deadline is April Fourth.


--Winner of last night’s Republican debate was Megyn Kelly because they coiffed and dressed her up as Debutante Barbie instead of TV Reporter Barbie. In second place: Trump who made the best showing of the night by simply not showing up. If you’re thinking of voting for any of these candidates, first have your psychiatrist reevaluate your meds.

Quote of the day “...we may have been given a gift from the lord…” Vice President Joe Biden (D-DE) assessing the Republicans seeking their party’s presidential nomination.


-Right on, Joe… now stand up and take a bow.

I’m Wes Richards. My opinions are my own but you’re welcome to them. ®
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© WJR 2016

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