Finally figured out what is so annoying about the endless panel shows on “news” television. They are short stories told long. Almost always, too long.
Since the birth of television, they’ve used panels to fill time on the cheap. “What’s My Line?” “To Tell the Truth,” “I’ve Got a Secret,” “Hollywood Squares,” and on and on. But panel shows lasted only half an hour and sometimes were even fun to watch.
Now they’re on all the time. For most of “all the time,” they’re no fun and little more than random noise.
Podcasts are even worse. And so is much of talk radio. Rush Limbaugh famously bloviates for three hours a day without taking either a breath… or a phone call. And all sportscasters are the same guy. But those are stories for another time.
News television is now full time Meet The Press, only with no one of Tim Russert’s ability as referee. Or they’re college dorm bull sessions and verbal fisticuffs in a barroom that caters to know-it-all philosophy majors and other types who live in various alternative universes.
How many empty thought balloons can dance on the head of a pin?
When trump tweets or burps, it does not take a panel to analyze. But standard operating procedure has become to form a panel:
1. A firebrand liberal who lost an election.
2. A firebrand conservative who thinks the sun shines out trump’s nostrils.
3. A revered former mid-road Republican office holder with a “don’t fight, kids” demeanor.
4. A revered former mid-road Democratic office holder who regularly plays cards with #3 and likes him.
It helps if all four of these panelists are on set. That way if there’s physical violence, viewers will have something to talk about other than the claptrap they hear and see. But usually, at least one member is a remote pickup with delayed satellite link and who hears everything a second or two after the other members and stares blankly at the camera or the skype gizmo looking lost when you expect him to talk.
On occasions as rare as the appearance of Brigadoon, one member has one important or memorable thing to say. But after he says it, it gets lost in the verbal mist or fog that covers whatever follows. Brigadoon all over again.
Earth to the news channels: Do you wonder why websites like Axios and The Week are growing like mushrooms after a rainfall? Well, here’s the answer. They summarize and encapsulate. And they’re written in everyday English, not newspaperese or legalize or psychobabble, cop speak, soldier speak, doctor speak or any other jargon.
This post is an example of short story told long. There is more unnecessary noise in these words to put all but the most determined readers to sleep. As an experiment in public service, here is the abstract:
The writer believes there’s too much extraneous noise and chatter getting in the way of much of what’s on the TV news channels. He cites the roots of this by mentioning panel shows from the early days of TV which were shorter and more fun.
Forty five words. Two sentences. Next case…
And of course, an abstract belongs at the top, not the bottom. But if we put it there, who would read the rest?
I’m Wes Richards. My opinions are my own but you’re welcome to them. ®
Correspondence to wesrichards@gmail.com
© WJR 2019
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