2067 The Plane of the Year

2067 The Plane of the Year

Would you buy a used 737 Max from this fellow?  He’s William Boeing.  And by all accounts, he was a heads-up guy. Hard working. Started from the ground and built a pretty good airplane factory.  Recently, there was a waterspout near Seattle.  In it, Boeing’s ashes reassembled just long enough to yell “Fix those damn things!” loud enough to be heard west to Illinois where his company now has its headquarters.

They’ve started selling aircraft in ways that would make a car buyer crazy.  

“Hey, we have all these dandy safety features if you buy the 737 Safety Package” option.  It has software that sometimes prevent nose-dives.  It also includes two engine turbo boosters, and a well padded cockpit.”

Customer asks whether he can get just the software as an add on.

“No, sorry. It comes only with the Safety Package which also includes deluxe seatbelts and a really nice sounding upgrade to the two-way radio.”

Undercoating? Windshield engraving?  Extended warranty?  All extra.  Keyless entry? A gourmet galley? You know… all those things that make the skies your personal paradise.

Customer asks question about Consumer Reports’ “projected reliability” rating.

“Well, we’re working on some improvements.  Probably ready for the 2021 model year. And no, that’s not an oil leak on the showroom floor. We had a family in here a few minutes ago, and one of the kids spilled a Dr. Pepper under the 737.”

Customer asks question about cancelled orders.

“Nah, that’s just a negotiating ploy. It’s a perfectly good plane. We may have to knock a few million off the sticker price, maybe a rebate or low interest financing. But the customers won’t really cancel.”

And then, the ultimate plane sales question: “What can I do to get you behind the wheel today?”

All of the above snarkiness is a plea for someone to do something about aerial safety.  There have been some terrible hard and software and training blunders in the relatively brief era of heavier-than-air flight.  But most of them did not take place on some fancy upgrade of what was thought of as a tried-and-true workhorse model.

SHRAPNEL:

--Comey doesn’t want trump impeached.  He writes that he wants the Mueller report to prove that “the system works.”  But does it?

--The administration wants to stop federal research grants to colleges that aren’t bastions of free speech.  Translation: let the race-baiters and war mongers and capitalists have a crack at America’s young minds and anti-thises and thats.  Time out for hate and make Orwell proud.

TODAY’S QUOTE:

-“Vote for me.  I’m no good. But since I asked you first, I think you should.” -- Lionel Killberg, songwriter and social worker.

I’m Wes Richards. My opinions are my own but you’re welcome to them. ®

Comments? Send to wesrichards@gmail.com

© WJR 2019