There are two competing
themes here. “You’ll get my plastic straw when you pull it out of my cold
dead mouth” and “If you put a year’s worth of plastic straws end to end, the
line would reach the newly photographed black hole.
Seattle banned ‘em.
Nobody got hurt. But neither has it sparked the onset of birds and
butterflies, beautiful toddlers frolicking in parks on cloudless sunny weekend
afternoons.
Now, New York is
considering similar legislation. And it probably will pass. And we’ll never get to see the first straw in
the end-to-end line reach the black hole.
More often than not, New
York is where West Coast trendiness goes to die. But NY beat every other
big city to the punch when it comes to congestion pricing on its busiest roads
at their busiest times. Seattle is thinking about reversing the
west-to-east direction of prevailing winds by adopting a similar plan.
What the New York media
have pretty much moved to the back of the bus is this: London’s already doing
it. And there are stiff fines for failure to pay.
Now back to the straws.
There are a lot of them in the kitchen here at the Wessays (™) Secret
Mountain Laboratory and Hideaway. We steal them all the time. And we
re-use them, and that other no-no, plastic grocery bags.
But here’s something the
youngest among us don’t realize: those lard-building sugary drinks taste
better through paper than they do through plastic. So… a win-win
situation. Less plastic in the landfill, no overstuffing of the black hole and
tastier ways to fertilize the growth of your pending obesity.
Digression: Coffee-to-go
tastes better in plain paper cups than it does in paper cups with plastic
lining. But we digress.
Many restaurants have
already converted to paper. It’s easier and faster to do when you don’t
yet have to.
No drink is tastier than
a thick strawberry milkshake poured from a cold metal container into a drinking
glass that’s real glass and sucked through a paper straw.
What will we do with all
those plastic straws here at the lab? Probably open a straw museum to go along
with our world-famous collection of cocktail stirrers from defunct New York and
New Jersey restaurants.
SHRAPNEL:
--National Enquirer
Shocker!! The hedge fund that owns this thing has put it up for sale and
reports say a buyer has been found. The Enquirer is trump’s trumpet. And the moneymen know that’s bad for the rest
of their businesses.
I’m Wes Richards. My
opinions are my own but you’re welcome to them. ®
Comments? Send them
here: wesrichards@gmail.com
© WJR 2019
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