2088 The Hobble Factor

 

Anyone have her phone number?

A good bunch of years now with a cane as constant walking companion -- if you can call it walking.  It offers some lessons in slowness, especially for someone who's been in a hurry (for no special reason) since infancy.

Fast to read, to walk, to talk, to swim.  The slower world of canes can be startling even after all these years.

The enforced slowness comes from a small, stupid act, compounded by a small stupid injury, which turned into a large and long-lasting injury when the small, stupid act was continued instead of stopped.

First thoughts included "Okay, millions of people do this, it can't be THAT tough."  And then there were thoughts like "which side does the cane go on?  Which step -- if any -- does it match."

Asking probably would have brought quick answers.  The Macho attitude brought answers, too, but not nearly as fast.  And once learned, the protocol has to be practiced.

Anyway, here's what happens in this condition.  The first thing you learn is that as slow moving traffic, you change the environment.  People have to pass you and they don't quite know how to do it.

Some just brush by.  Others make a big production of going around you.  Still, others are paralyzed with indecision.

You learn pretty quickly that the slightest incline has become a mountain.  When did THAT happen?

Stairs?  What, are you kidding?

A seat on the subway?  Forget about it.

But one is forced to see more of the environment, now self changed, but which used to whiz past.

You have to look down a lot.  In so doing, you notice patterns of junk.   Cigarette butts tend to congregate in patterns, for example.  So do discarded candy wrappers.  You notice wind direction.  You realize there are pathways through knots of people -- and ways around them

You become conscious of many things you didn't previously notice -- which can be both good and bad.  

If you're a student of sidewalk art, there's a whole world waiting for you.  And there's a world of slow-step thinking time awaiting.  The thoughts can be profound.  They can run the entire gamut from "ouch!" to "Is there an elevator at this subway stop?"

People often look at you funny.  "Oh, that poor old guy with the cane."  And the reverse:  "Here comes that mean old guy and I don't want to get in the way of that walking stick. 

And you hear this a lot:  "Oh, was that your bad leg I just hit?  Soooo sorry."

Note: the above is a lightly revised “best of” from 2009 around this time of year. The following is not.

SHRAPNEL:

-- Are you tired of “limited editions” of everything yet?  Fountain pens, musical instruments automobiles… and now… MetroCards. These are to honor 9/11 victims or first responders. The MTA, which doesn’t know how to run a train, subway or bus knows how to profitably tug at our heartstrings.

  

I’m Wes Richards. My opinions are my own but you’re welcome to them. ®

Comments? Please send to wesrichards@gmail.com

© WJR 2019

2087 Only the Little People.

2087 Only the Little People

That’s the late Leona Helmsley.  Back when, she said only the little people paid taxes.  She was wrong.  But for the record, she also was the Donald trump of her day.

Helmsley was the widow of Harry Helmsley, hotel magnate, real estate wheeler-dealer.  And Harry was the kind of upper crusty who was welcomed into the rarified air of the New York land kings.  Leona? She wasn’t called “the Queen of Mean” for nothing. She went to her final rest in 2007 with the reputation intact and a rap sheet for tax evasion.  

Then there’s that other New York real estate “king,” trump. Doesn’t seem to do much tax-paying either. Takes big losses. Calls them a shrewd business plan.  Over-values this patch, undervalues that one. Relies on his late father’s largess even now, decades after daddy got planted six feet below Middle Village, Queens in a cemetery with about 40-thousand other permanent residents.

Leona ran a truly gaudy and expensive hotel on Madison Avenue. It even outgauded the little cottage across the street, home of the Roman Catholic Cardinal of New York, 15-thousand square feet of pinched ugly. She ran a bunch of dilapidated buildings in the garment district.  She managed the Empire State Building.

Birds of a feather.  Bound by their tax policies.  Rejected by the Manhattan real estate cabal. Oh… they had to pay attention to her, because she was Harry’s widow.  They don’t have to pay attention to trump.  And that probably boils his water even more than all those dark-skinned people gathering on the southern border, ready at a moment’s notice to fill US streets with drugs, rape “our” women, steal our jobs.  Multiply like rabbits. Speak a foreign language.

Leona had no class.  But it didn’t stop her. She was Harry’s widow.  The president has no class.  It does stop him.  She didn’t need to create her own reality. He does. And he’s done it.

After jail, Leona palled around with people like Imelda Marcos, the former first lady of the Philippines, famous for her shoe collection and skinning her way out of racketeering charges.  Before the presidency, trump palled around with the likes of gay-bashing but closet gay mob fixer Roy Cohen, who also represented the seditious Senator Joe McCarthy.

We don’t know who he’ll pal around with after he finishes turning the United States of America into white Liberia.  But you can bet the gouged rent that it’ll be people you wouldn’t be seen dead with.

One can only hope that in the end, trump will get a longer sentence than Leona’s.

I’m Wes Richards. My opinions are my own but you’re welcome to them. ®

Please address comments to wesrichards@gmail.com

© WJR 2019

2086 CBS News

2086 CBS News

CBS is going through the changes.  That’s only supposed to happen once, but they didn’t get the memo or read the medical books.

They’ve once again shuffled their deck to put slightly-more-than-competent in-house promotees into spots previously occupied by people of about the same competence level.

It all started with a kids’ show, Captain Kangaroo. Creator and star Bob Keeshan ran the thing from 1955 to 1984.  When CBS decided to get serious in the early morning, Keeshan was out and a long line of really really good gray-heads were on … with really really serious, really really old school newscasters who made their bones in the various wars America had fought.

The program was excellent.  Nobody watched.  Well, not nobody. Just not enough of them to keep the lights on.  That turned the Great Revolving Door into the Great Spinning Door.  The classiest news division in network television could not pry viewers away from The Today Show on NBC and Good Morning America (upstart newbie at the time) on ABC.

CBS had the Evening News sewn up with Walter Cronkite.  When he was forced to retire, that door started spinning, too. Replacement Dan Rather didn’t get Uncle Walter’s numbers. ABC’s World News Tonight was eating Dan’s dinner.  Brokaw at NBC got Peter Jennings’ table scraps and leftovers.

Back to mornings.  CBS hired Charlie Rose and got a ratings bump. Oh boy! Great news.  Not great enough. Not enough to win the time slot but pretty good, historically.

That didn’t last long. In case you missed it, Rose, it turns out, had a problem with the ladies. Or, to put a finer point on it, the ladies had a problem with Rose.  Having #MeToo chomping at ones… um … self is a career ender for the chomped.

Now, the latest. Breaking News about broken news.  New CBS news president, Susan Zirinsky, by all honest accounts, brilliant, deserving and all those other things that are supposed to cloak people in that job, has put her foot in the spinning door by announcing all kinds of changes in the division’s on-air lineup.

You don’t need this space to give you the Glor-y details. They’re all over the internet if you want someone to name names.  This one is going here, that one is going there.  One of the present anchors will magically turn into a correspondent for 60 Minutes.  At one time that was a position of honor. But it’s turning into a warehouse of “what do we do with this guy? Whoever “this guy” of the moment is.

There’s no shortage of talent at CBS news.  Nor is there a shortage of dedication and original reporting.  But when you go through the spinning door, you find yourself standing on a chess board.

I’m Wes Richards. My opinions are my own but you’re welcome to them. ®

Comments? Send to wesrichards@gmail.com

© WJR 2019

2085 President By Committee

2085 President by Committee

Air Force 1-A, B and C lined up at Andrews

We should have more than one president. The current crop of Democrats inspires this thought.  Most of them are Johnnie or Janie one-notes.  Bring expertise to the table. Elect the top eleven.

We don’t know who they are yet. We will, soon enough.

“But,” you say, “we already have something like that. It’s called the cabinet.”  Yes, but recent presidencies, especially the current one, show the model is outdated.  If you have a cabinet, you have to have members who don’t need rebuilding or refinishing. Maybe a spray of Pledge, but no more. Those now holding titles are beyond repair.

If you have multiple presidents with individual skills, who needs a cabinet?  Donate the cabinet to Good Will or the Salvation Army. Or just put it out on collection day with a big sign that says “FREE.”

Why eleven, you may ask.  Well, you need an odd number so there can’t be a tie vote on things like the content of an executive order a departmental nominee or a federal judge. Looking at the Supreme Court, nine doesn’t work. Look at the House and Senate.  Large numbers don’t work.  So, eleven. A nice figure. Underused.  Can you think of set of anything that equals eleven?

Plus, America is on a diversity kick. So chances are you’d have someone for everyone in an eleven-person presidency.  You’d satisfy everyone longing for the day of a Native American or Hispanic or Transexual or gay or Jewish or Asian Presidents. A token white guy. No. A token white woman!

You’d have your standard pro-war and anti-war Democrats. You’d have your environmental democrats. Your slaves-of-Wall Street Democrats. Your Medicare-for-all Democrats. Your funny ones, your serious ones, your international relations ones, your old school, new school and no school ones.  All those positions represented with a mere handful of powerful people.

Of course, they’d have to expand the White House. No worries. There’s plenty of room on the grounds.  Maybe preserve the Residence as a tourist attraction and build a nice eleven-unit garden apartment in back. And they’d have to expand the Secret Service. And shrink the seats on Air Force One so more people could fit. Maybe re-name the plane 1-A and then add a 1-B or even a 1-C to give every member comfortable accommodations, their own gaggle of advisers and an assigned press corps.

The oval office would need some renovations. As would the Constitution.

Yes, there are some details to work out.  But we’re Americans! We’re good at details.

Now, you may ask, who runs the meetings? Ahah! A rotation of presiding officers.  There are eleven members. There are 48 months. Monthly rotation means one member would be shortchanged one turn.  To compensate, let that one leave with a Target gift card or maybe a new Chevy.

Compensation might be a problem. The salary is $400,000. Divided by eleven, that’s roughly $36,000 per person.  That’s $692.31 a week before taxes. Not a living wage. That’s okay. Being president is a duty, a calling. Plus there are a lot of perqs and freebies.  And the food is good. And the transportation.

Of course, technically you’d still have to have a cabinet.  No problem there, either. Just nominate appropriate people with decent skills and who look decent on camera.  Then build them a playground in back of the garden apartments in back of the White House.

I’m Wes Richards. My opinions are my own but you’re welcome to them. ®

Comments? Send ‘em here: wesrichards@gmail.com

© WJR 2019

2084 The Legacy

2084 The Legacy

Who is this guy? Answer below.

Former FBI Director James Comey speaks out on Attorney General Bill Barr.  He says in his recent opinion piece in the NY Times that Barr and others are adjusting their principles to and “failing to resist the compromises necessary to survive…” trump. Comey’s phrase is “accomplished people lacking inner strength.”

Comey's take on the relationship between inner strength and accomplishment is valid and insightful. Spineless people with decent intelligence, experience, and education still are spineless people.

They have ego problems, power hunger, and maybe disbelief that they're worth anything despite their decent intelligence, experience and education. They're often right about their sense of self-worth. They’re hiding behind resumes and sheepskins.

Part of this is getting along by going along.   A friend points out that Hitler had many intelligent appointees, too. Why?

Put yourself in the position of someone up for a high-ranking job in the Hitler administration.  

You ask yourself "what happens if I get this job?"  And you answer "Well, the Fuhrer is a blithering idiot and dangerous. So to protect myself and my assets and my country and to lead a better life, I'd better sign on." 

Then he asks himself "what happens if I don't get this job?" And the answer is I'm just a goose dropping along the path, and subject to the crushing whims of this bunch of goose-steppers. Completely expendable."

Seems like a pretty obvious choice.  Attorney General Barr is well educated, by all estimates a good lawyer and knows the difference between oxymoron and a just-plain-moron. He is a cowardly and chubby gnome with no future despite a reasonably accomplished past.

People who get big jobs in any administration are usually closer to the end of their working lives than the beginning.  So to them, it doesn't matter what's on their resumes or in their LinkedIn profiles.

Yes, they worry about their “legacies” and their places in history.  That forgets that most people aren’t important enough to have legacies or places in history.

Quiz: Who was George W. Wickersham and what was his legacy? Answer: Wickersham, pictured above, was Attorney General in the administration of president William Howard Taft. And his legacy? Hmmm.

Well, he fathered a future Army General. Served on the council of foreign relations. Had sad eyes and a gorgeous mustache. Some legacy. Some history.

What will Bill Barr’s be? Um… well, he was Attorney General in two administrations, the current one and the one of the milquetoast HW Bush.

Wickersham served 106 years ago. His legacy is zero. What makes Barr or any of the other trumpets think their places in history will make any waves in six years, let alone 106?

Barr is 68 years old.  That’s not old-old by today’s standards, but old enough to retire and practice playing the bagpipes -- which he does.

That’s probably going to be his legacy. Also cowering from Congressional committee testimony.  Also, like his current boss, he is a most un-New Yorky New Yorker.

I’m Wes Richards. My opinions are my own but you’re welcome to them. ®

Comments? Send to wesrichards@gmail.com

© WJR 2019

2083 Recovery

2083 Recovery

Quandary: Who to listen to? The hernia surgery was a success and the patient didn’t die, at least not yet if you’re reading this on line.  But the post-op instructions are conflicting.

Nurse: Don’t eat spicy food for a day or two.

Doctor: Eat what you want when you want.

Hospital Blahblah sheet: Do not drive for the first 24 hours after surgery.

Doc: Don’t drive for two weeks.

So how to figure that out.  The doc is a DOC.  And he’s a big man you wouldn’t want to meet in a boxing ring.  And he’s nice.  And funny, and everyone likes him. Everyone. (Except he’s a fan of the Major League Baseball expansion team from Flushing, Queens called the New York Mets.  But no one’s perfect.)

Okay, gotta find a compromise.  Let’s do the math.

24 hours is one day.  Two weeks means 14 days.

So one day plus 14 days equals 15 days.

Let’s get the average.  15 days divided by two = … um… gee. That’s a tough problem.  Let’s estimate.  Probably somewhere around two.  Yeah, that sounds right. Two. So that means today’s the day, Wednesday, May 1, 2019.

So if you don’t find a new post here Friday 5/2/19, it didn’t work.

The run-up to this procedure is kind of like the TV ads for pharmaceuticals.  Everything’s rosy and sunny until you get to the part about the side effects.

The ads are required to list the majors.  Sometimes they go past you so fast you miss them.  Although some words or phrases tend to jump out even when the audio is running at high speed.

These include “possibly fatal,” “nausea,” “suicidal thoughts or actions,” that kind of thing.  What is a suicidal action? Yeah. Thought so.

With surgery, as you’re fading into unconsciousness, they tell you things like “this is going to hurt later on.  I’ll give you Percocet.” Give?  You mean “I’ll give you a prescription for a potentially addictive substance which if you ingest after having no pain, you will become the next statistic in the ‘opioid crisis.”

How about “you can take Ibuprofen to keep the swelling down.” Swelling?  Sure enough.

And… “there may be some bruising at and below the incision.” May? Now’s the time to audition for Blue Man Group.  Please pass the drumsticks. And the paint.

When you awaken, they tell you “Don’t forget to be active. But don’t overdo it.”  Walk a lot. And if you drop something, don’t bend over to pick it up.”

Here’s a skill you learn quickly: how to rearrange the bottom shelf of the refrigerator while sitting on a short stool with your legs extended.

It was like being an opening act and a closing act in the same vaudeville show.  The closing act was always the one they used to clear the theater after the main performance. It had to be bad enough so that people would rather leave than stay.

Note: Thanks one and all for the good wishes during this short and not so sweet series of events.

I’m Wes Richards. My opinions are my own but you’re welcome to them. ®

Comments? Send them to wesrichards@gmail.com

© WJR 2019

2082 How to Defeat trump

C’mon… impeachment won’t work.  And the gaggle of Democratic opponents is so lame or extreme or tone deaf or dogmatic or numerous that a bunch of anti-trump voters will stay home on election day and hand him yet another bogus win.  They will think of themselves as patriots, they will think of themselves as purists, they will think of themselves as keepers of the flame.  But what they really will be is trump supporters with no practical stake in the outcome of the election.

And the rest of us will suffer the consequences with four more years of corruption, incompetence, ineptness and lies.  But we have our principles!

There is, however, a way to start the bowling ball down the alley and knock off the one standing pin.  It is called protest.  But protest of a new kind. It’s easy to do. It’s cheap. It’s going to go unnoticed by everyone but candidate-trump.

Let’s first investigate the psychology of this psychotic. What is the thing he wants and needs most?  Public adulation.  How can we deprive him?  Well, it won’t be easy.  We have to infiltrate.

The trumpets hold rallies.  Put down your signs, your anger and your dogma.  Get thee to a trump rally. Sit together.

Before you do this, practice -- using a mirror -- the dead-eye cop look.  The kind of look you get from the police officer who pulls you over and does not react to your anger or the flashing of a smile, a come-hither look or a nice looking leg or bust.

You do your flirtatious or victimizatious best to win him over. And he stands there, dead-eyed. Immobile. Unmoved.

At the trump rally, the fans grow wild.  You and the other like-minded protesters sit looking like cops at a one-time speeding motorist.  You don’t have signs. You don’t stand in anger. You just look dead-eyed at a man or woman in the driver’s seat and ask to see their license, registration and insurance card.

You don’t have to go limp as the armed guards throw you out of the rally.  They won’t. You haven’t done anything wrong or disruptive. You haven’t done anything.

This will drive candidate-trump wild.  He will self destruct, eventually.

It doesn’t matter how bad he is. It doesn’t matter how corrupt or inept or dumb he is.  If he sees enough of this he will go away. Especially if enough of you will join in.

So, let’s go to some rallies, people. Let’s do the passive resistance thing. There’s no need to make a big deal about it.  But it just might work.  Just remember this: it doesn’t matter who the opposing candidate is.  It matters that we should have no more of this “president.”

Note to readers: your correspondent is heading into a combination hospital and jiffy lube Monday for minor surgery. But minor though it is, it’s one of those things that prevents the patient from doing much physical activity afterward. So we’ll take a break until all that’s out of the way.  

I’m Wes Richards. My opinions are my own but you’re welcome to them. ®

Comments? Send them to wesrichards@gmail.com

© WJR 2019