Sunday, September 17, 2006

Green Level Threat

138 Green Level Threat

This CANNOT be! Poisoned spinach? It must be a terrorist plot!

Health officials in a bunch of states say e-coli could getcha if you eat fresh bagged spinach.

Popeye loses. Finally.

The pipe cleaner figure of Olive Oyl couldn’t do it. Pirates – nah. Not even the mighty Bluto could bring the Old Salt down. Now… his favorite dish, spinach, is his undoing. And ours.

Popeye ate canned spinach, which in the opinion of many spinach gourmets is superior to fresh. Plus it gave him opportunities to show he could squeeze a sealed can until it popped.

But just this once, he decided to buy it fresh in the bag.

So long, Popeye. Toot Toot!

This wasn’t immediately disclosed. But the spinach growers association is shocked and horrified.

One spinach maven was heard to say “we take this very seriously.”

You better believe it. There’s no telling what damage something like this can do.

And all those mommies exhorting their brats to “…eat your spinach!”

Of course, if you cook the stuff, the e-coli dies. But who wants to COOK!

Here in Out Of Service County (more about which at a future date,) a quick patrol of the leading supermarkets shows people are aware of this and are leaving spinach on the shelves.

The markets themselves are taking it off and throwing it out.

Joey at the produce counter says people are wise to this stuff… and they also take it very seriously. No one is eating spinach, Joey says. In fact, all vegetable sales are down compared with yesterday and with last week.

“Oy! You never saw such empty aisles. People aren’t eating anything green. Nothing. Nada. Zip.”

Articulate fellow.

The Homeland Security Department has issued a “Condition Green Warning.”

Chief Michael “the Empire State Building is NOT a landmark” Chertoff said in an interview that the poisoned veggies are the work of a previously unknown group “The Farmers of Allah.”

Word of the spinach attack sent Cheney back to his famed “undisclosed location,” and the President immediately boarded Air Force One, which continues to circle the airport in Tulsa.

Flight attendants jettisoned bagged spinach from the galley over Montgomery, giving rise to a rousing chorus of that famed old song “Germs fell on Alabama.” The cabin has been searched. No more spinach remains on board.

At the Popeye Home in Los Angeles, fans are gathering and the City Council is trying to come up with plans for a fitting memorial.

I'm Wes Richards, my opinions are my own, but you're welcome to them.

(c) 2006 WJR

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