Monday, October 02, 2006

Left Out -- Again

144 Left Out – Again

Always the last to be picked for basketball. Baseball. Even hide-n-seek.

Usually voted for the losing candidate.

Never had a stolen identity.

And here it is once more. Left out.

The battery in this laptop computer refuses to catch fire.

And, yes, it IS a Sony battery.

Tried everything. Left it on for a week. Put it near the stove. Loaded every program in the machine and had them all running at once.

No fire.

Not even close.

Yeah, it’s warm. But not firetrap warm.

Can’t cook eggs on it. Can’t even keep the coffee warm.

Left out again.

Our ever-vigilant Homeland Security Department is likely to ban laptop computers and iPods from flights for awhile. Or at least, they may ban the batteries. That’s the bad news. The good news is that you probably can use that little space where the battery is supposed to fit for some of the newly re-cleared carry on items, like hair gel and Listerine and goo for the baby’s diaper.

Conspiracy theorists believe the burning batteries are part of, well, a conspiracy.

The logic goes like this: if the Shah of Iran hadn’t been such a crook, we wouldn’t have gotten a radical Islamaniac regime in Iran which would mean gasoline was only $1.00 a gallon and batteries wouldn’t explode.

The connection? It’s the middle east, it’s the conspiracy theorists. It’s the Department of Homeland Insecurity. You want logic?

Now to the safety issue: if Lithium Ion batteries in computers can catch fire, explode, melt down, should we be watching out for other devices they power?

Digital cameras: “Say Cheese!” Grilled cheese.

iPods: Hotter songs than ever.

Calculators: Here’s a hot number.

Hearing aides, LCD flashlights, nightlights and heaven knows what-all else get these batteries.

Wristwatches: Salvador Dali comes back to life. The melting watches in the pictures have nothing on the real thing, especially if it melts while on your wrist.

And those of us picked last for basketball would at last belong.

I'm Wes Richards, my opinions are my own, but you're welcome to them.

(c) 2006 WJR

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