Friday, June 03, 2011

869 Evangelists

869 Evangelists

Let’s start with John Lomax Jr’s song about preacher Aimee Semple McPherson (That wonderful person):

“Well, the Grand Jury started an investigation,
Uncovered a lot of spicy information.
Found out about a love nest down at Carmel-by-the-Sea,
Where the liquor was expensive and the loving was free.

“They found a little cottage with a breakfast nook,
A folding bed with a worn-out look.
The slats was busted and the springs was loose,
And the dents in the mattress fitted Aimee's caboose.”

McPherson apparently had faked her kidnapping in 1926, searching for ransom money -- $500,000 … quite a sum in those days.

Money or sex or both, these holier than thou church guys often seem up to their wallets (or slightly lower) in trouble. Roberts, Swaggart, Bakker and now the Schullers, Robert H. and Robert A.

The Garden Grove, California Crystal Cathedral is for sale. Ten thousand panes of glass and a capacity of how many thousands? The founders can buy the place back eventually, maybe. It’s going into the sales contract. But they have so much debt they’re being crushed. And there’s a family fight going on in Schuller land that probably means an end to the place.

Billy Graham’s kid is as much of an anti-semite as his daddy and doesn’t bring in Daddy’s kind of bucks, so keep an eye on that outfit for much the same as the Garden Grovers.

Herbert W. Armstrong’s legacy, long and properly dead, was hastened into the grave by his son’s massage parlor shenanigans banging the coeds at the cult’s so-called college and the boys at the bars in Pasadena and later Big Sandy and Tyler, Texas.

Jimmy Swaggart cruised for hookers. Nothing wrong with that unless it comes on Sunday night after a nationwide flock hears you preach about the sins of cruising for hookers.

Jim Bakker was busy with Jessica Hahn of Long Island, while selling “partnerships” in the PTL or Praise The Lord Club. If you woke up each morning to find Tammy Faye in your bed, you’d look for a Jessica Hahn, too.

Jerry Fallwell’s Moral Majority gave a platform to guys like Lester Maddox and George Wallace. What the heck, folks. These were good Christians, just a little misguided.

Pat Robertson is Nobel Prize level Smarmy. And he’s grown rich being such.

Oral Roberts didn’t do too badly in the rich department, either. But his son messed things up by using part of the gargantuan collection plate to buy furs and sneaking money into the campaigns of “appropriately” conservative politicians.

Someone, please buy that Crystal Cathedral and see what you can do to turn it into computer chips and recycled booze bottles before the Garden Grove crowd gets enough money to buy it back.


--When gas was four bucks a gallon a few years back, everyone moaned and groaned and pleaded poverty. Now, it’s back up there and everyone’s making less money now than they were then, and no one’s raising hell. Stockholm syndrome -- we love our captors.

I’m Wes Richards. My opinions are my own but you’re welcome to them. ®
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© WJR 2011

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