Monday, July 02, 2012

1038 The Other Ruling

1038 The Other Ruling

Because so much of the reporting was focused on health care, a little noticed Supreme Court ruling went under the radar.  After Chief Justice Robot read his self serving and unnecessarily windy decision on the health insurance mandate, no one stuck around to hear Associate Justices Scalia and Thomas read their landmark decision in the case of Nature vs. Obama.

Nature took the president to court and charged him with trying to redistribute the weather.  Bring some tornadoes to places where there are no trailer parks.  Bring some hurricanes to Kansas.  Raise the average December temperature in Minneapolis to 85 degrees... bring a freeze or two each year to Arizona and Nevada.  That sort of thing.

The Federal Appeals courts upheld that.  But in a rare unanimous decision, the Supremes struck it down.  It helped that both the Tea Party and the Occupy movement filed friends of the court briefs on Nature’s behalf.

Briefly, there was an Occupy effort to force Scalia to recuse himself because he implies he is God and therefore has a vested interest in the outcome.  But the movement failed when he declared publicly that while he is the Vatican’s personal representative at court, is not the actual God.

There was no corresponding move to have Thomas recused because he never says anything and because he just copies Scalia’s notes anyway.

So no hurricanes in Cincinnati.  Or Minnesota, Arizona and Nevada.

The House Redistribution Subcommittee on the Environment considered a bill that might have circumvented the weather law.  And it passed on a mostly party-line vote.  But it later died in the Ways and Means Committee.

Unfortunately, the Tea Party’s planned celebration in central Colorado had to be cancelled because of fire.  And the Occupy celebration planned for New York was cancelled because the city wouldn’t issue the permit.

As for Nature... it stopped pre-production of weather systems during the appeals process and now has to work overtime to get everything in the hopper.  A tough spot to be in at the start of the hurricane season.  But they’ve put on some seasonal workers and contracted with suppliers in Bangladesh and China to pitch in and make some of the minor components.  We’ve been assured, though, that final set up, assembly and deployment will take place right here in the US.

Immediately after the ruling, forecasters at Fox TV and CNN predicted heavy rains for Denver and highs in the low 40s for Phoenix and Albuquerque.

Later in the day, President Obama issued a written statement saying “We were not trying to take away anyone’s weather.  We only wanted and still want fairness in the distribution of conditions.”

Now... the latest from the Associated Wes...

(WASHINGTON) -- A landmark decision reached after nine years of closed door deliberations between the US Supreme Court and Buddha was announced last night.  It centered on reversing the dictionary definitions of “incarcerations” and “freedom.” As of January First, all incarcerated US men, women and children will be released from jails.  At the same time, all so-called free men women and children will be thrown in the slammer.

Attorneys for incarcerated inmates say this is unconstitutional because all their clients would have to pay for their food, water and health insurance and may even have to get jobs to support such luxuries.  There was no opposition from the “free” side of the law on their impending long term vacations and holidays.  The only pending aspect still facing the US Supreme Court and Buddha is what to do with all the soon-to-be-empty “freedom cells.”  The massive surplus will begin January first, when for the first time,  more Americans will be living outside of jails than inside.

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