Monday, July 16, 2012

1044 Where to Go for a Fan Belt

1044 Where to Go for a Fan Belt

You’ll be happy to know that Jimmy The Book has been released from Moria Schock Correctional Facility, nestled in the scenic Adirondack hamlet of Mineville, New York.

Jimmy was a guest of New York State which (falsely) accused him of running a recreational investment firm from the back of his auto parts store on Greenpoint Avenue in the scenic Queens hamlet of Sunnyside.

When he was first arrested, Jimmy sat handcuffed in the back of a cruiser from the 108th Precinct and watched while uniforms and detective-thirds took boxes of records, a couple of computers and 17 telephones and loaded them into a van while uniforms and detective-twos herded a group of scraggly men into white paddy wagons with baby blue horizontal stripes... new ones, that like their prowl car brothers you’d think belonged to the Sheriff of Fairfield, Connecticut if you didn’t see the big “NYPD” on the side.  Classy.  But too Darien.

In explaining the telephones to investigators, Jimmy said “I Sell fuel injectors and transmission fluid, Armor All and head gaskets.  Those phones?  I do business all over the country.  That’s my phone bank!”

Turned out the “all over the country” part was right.

Jimmy got off light.  Possibly because many of those uniforms and D-2s and 3s may have, from time to time, done some business by calling some of those telephones-in-evidence... only to order spark plugs and Simoniz, of course.

Jimmy’s back behind the parts counter now.  And the back room, where his national sales phone bank used to be?  Just a couple of guys at desks and only one phone on each.  But it still gets hectic around post time each day.  The phone bank’s been outsourced to India.  Never underestimate the creativity of an American entrepreneur.


--The rumors are untrue.  The Pennsylvania State University says it will not now move the bronze statue of Joe Paterno from in front of Beaver Stadium.  This, after published reports said it would be taken down and re-erected in the football building’s shower room.

Now, the latest news from the Associated Wes:

Food and Terror in Southern California.

SAN DIEGO CA (AW) -- San Diego Beach Police have incarcerated over 100 blue fin  tuna suspected of widespread trafficking in illegal radioactive material from Japanese waters to American shores.

San Diego’s only remaining head lifeguard following budget cutting layoffs of his 1,000 member staff said he didn’t know how many fish had fled to Mexico’s Baja to escape questioning, it was clear that carrying radioactive material, even for migration, would not be accepted in US corporate-run courts and that all species would eventually  give up their dirty secrets in a Guantanamo Bay Facility.

Although waterboarding does not work with blue fin tuna, the department of Homer (Simpson) Land Security is said to be employing dozens of Secret Service-trained crack hookers from Bogota to “blow this out of the water.”

Blue whale attorneys for the tuna could be reached for comment but couldn’t be understood.  

We’re both Wes Richards. Our opinions are my own but you’re welcome to them. ®
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© WJRs 2012

An earlier version of this post misstated the possible range of actions of the corporate run courts.

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