2019 It's All Lies

2019 It’s All Lies

Credit or blame where it’s due. Do you think you could compose a 500-word blog built completely of lies? Let’s try.

Those wildfires in California were caused by the George Soros Arson Squad.  Working under cover of darkness, the conspirators jiggled with the utility wires until they caught fire.  And the squad members were imported from Guatemala, where fire is the devil’s only friend.

Then there was Jamal Khashoggi.  You know he never really existed.  Did you ever read a word he wrote?  Did you ever see him on television?  Did you ever believe that a member of a royal family would actually kill someone just because someone somewhere said he existed, wrote bad things about the Saudi government and was too fat to outrun a bunch of street muggers who have all been caught and jailed or killed?  Impossible. The prince is -- well -- a prince.

And the teaming hordes of rapists and robbers, job stealers and stealth middle eastern terrorists?  Are they still worming their way toward Texas with those child actors pretending to be impoverished children?

And let’s dispose of another piece of fake news, forthwith.  Those kids were separated from their parents by accident and the US is keeping them in tasteful and rest-inducing enclosures.  But any kid who wants out just has to say so.

Jeff Sessions wasn’t fired.  He issued a statement about having fulfilled his mission and resigned to spend more time with his family in Alabama.  You mean you haven’t seen it?  I have a copy right here in this sealed envelope addressed to the White House Communications Office.  I’d cut it open and show it to you, but not until Hillary coughs up some emails. And maybe not even then because opening someone else’s mail without their permission is a crime.

Then there were the midterm elections. As you know there were massive incidents of voter fraud everywhere a Democrat won or nearly won.  Too bad about the nearlies.  They’ll just have to try harder in 2020.

You haven’t seen reports of thousands of Massachusetts residents flooding over the New Hampshire border to vote?

And don’t believe those fake reports of voter-blocking in Georgia. The Republicans won fair and square.  And this should go to court for a resolution.  But all of those judges appointed by Obama and Clinton and Carter and LBJ and FDR worked out a joint strategy to stall justice. They did it on Skype from internet cafes around the country.

Are we there yet?  No. Still a few dozen words left to lie with before reaching 500. Including the standard outro.

This is hard work.  Thanks for the lessons from the reigning champs: donald trump, Sarah Huckabee, Mitch McConnell, Paul Ryan, Brett Kavanaugh, Mike Pants.  Also to pioneers: Herodotus, the 1919 White Sox, Lance Armstrong, Rosie Ruiz, Charles Ponzi, the guys who dreamed up table-top cold fusion, Pope Alexander VI, and Richard Nixon.

OK.

Pfew. Done.

I’m Wes Richards. My opinions are my own but you’re welcome to them. ®

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