Wednesday, February 27, 2019

2057 The Oscars

2057 The Oscars

Hollywood had a grand old time patting itself on the back the other day.  But when a sugar-coated piece of nonsense called “The Green Book” won picture of the year, the audience, such as there was of it -- both in the seats and in front of their TVs -- was stunned.

It’s about a road trip. A white and out of work nightclub bouncer goes to work for a touring black piano player.  They are given “the Green Book,” which during Jim Crow days told black showmen and women where they could get food and shelter on the road.

One hundred 30 minutes of feel-good drivel.

Spike Lee, the black director walked out of the ceremony when his two entries failed to make the top spot. So long, Spike.  You should know Hollywood by now.

The TV program got its lowest ratings in a while, maybe ever.  The broadcast was slightly less boring and went into less overtime than usual because there was no host.

There was no host because they guy originally picked, “comedian” Kevin Hart, was found to have tweeted anti-gay stuff on Twitter years ago. Oh my!  

They save a lot of time when they don’t have some man or woman get up and do schtick to compete with the oh-so-overlong “thank you” s that winners babble out.

As an ordinary customer, it’s hard to evaluate some theater-borne movies these days.  The big screen is an endangered species.  You now need opera glasses to see the tiny screen from the back row of the 23 screen Imperial Movies viewing rooms.

If you want to see a movie on a small screen, get a 12 inch flat panel and Netflix.  The popcorn you make in your microwave oven, the Bon Bons you take out of your freezer and the Raisinettes you buy at the supermarket are way cheaper than what you get at the “theater.”

And the Taser folks are building a wonderful new device, a popcorn and candy detector.  They wand you on the way into Viewing Room 18 and if you set off the alarm, the ushers usher you into an “interview booth,” where you are required to fork over your hidden box of Jujubes or face a no-knock, no-warrant strip search.

The prototype of this gadget wouldn’t bother with those niceties. They’d simply zap you with relatively mild 50-thousand volts, then confiscate.  But tests on the kind of rodents that inhabit some theater food stands resulted in too many dead mice. So they took away the auto-zapper part but left the detector wand.

Remember the slogan “Movies are Better than Ever?”  Well, if that were ever true, it certainly isn’t now.  But the special effects and animations are.

I’m Wes Richards. My opinions are my own but you’re welcome to them. ®
© WJR 2019

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