2100 Self Eating Doughnuts

It’s five years from now, and what’s a cop to do? All cars are self-driving.  No live drivers, so no officer-driven prowl cars on traffic duty. Self-driving prowl cars.  The officers sit in the passenger seat and operate the computer.  The car does the driving.

This has caused a sharp decline in revenue, what with every car obeying every traffic law.  Stopping at stop signs. Really stopping. No kind-a stopping which most human drivers do.  Obeying the speed limit.  Fifty five is 55 and 25 is 25 and 15 in a school zone is 15 in a school zone. 

Every once in a while, the sergeant drives around and stops the self-driving cop cars.  That’s to make sure the not-driver is also not looking at the weather or game or porn or social media sites on the computer. Or asleep at the wheel.  Well, not the wheel. Asleep in the passenger seat.

Officer Cooper of the Moote Pointe traffic squad coops. “Cooping” is copspeak for sleeping on the job.  What else is he going to do?

These patrol cars aren’t cheap.  And revenues are down.  DWIs are down, too… because the self-driving private cars never drink, don’t do drugs and do warn the passengers when a taillight fails.

So the police have to look for new revenue streams.  And -- trust me -- they’ll find ‘em.

With less wear and tear, the cars last longer so fewer precinct mechanics are necessary.  They use less fuel, too because there are no lead feet on the gas pedals. In fact, there are no gas pedals.

Automation. It’s a beautiful thing.

There’s also less on the job socializing.  And this is a crisis for private enterprise.  Less socializing means fewer meet-ups at Dunkin’ or Krispy Kreme. Bakers no longer can estimate demand, so they’ve come up with self-eating doughnuts.  (See picture.)

Meantime, cops all over the country are scrambling to find new revenue sources to pay for all that self driving stuff.

Jaywalking is a good start.  Littering?  There isn’t much out there you can do on patrol except maybe practice chokeholds and busting kids with a loose joint in a pocket.

Stop and frisk, where are you when we need you?

SHRAPNEL:

--trump suggests the people may demand he remain in office beyond a second term.  How does he think he can wangle that? Fake news… the re-election campaign begins tomorrow in Orlando… real news: it began on inauguration day.

--Why do politicians say such stupid things?  The president of Argentina tells reporters his country’s power system is “robust.” This, after a failure wipes out electric service for 44 million people there, plus around 10 million more in Paraguay and Uruguay.

I’m Wes Richards. My opinions are my own but you’re welcome to them. ®

Please address comments to wesrichards@gmail.com

© WJR 2019