2101 Fakeburger shortage

Can you tell the difference?  In a picture, probably not. In person, no problem.

There’s a shortage of “Impossible Burgers.”  Relax. It’s only temporary.  But once you’ve eaten one, you’ll be back to McD’s or Burger King or Wendy’s.

For now, though, two big chains, White Castle and Red Robin are screaming for more and no one’s rushing in emergency supplies.

The I.B. looks like a hamburger, especially when it’s all dressed up in Red Robin’s burger costume … a robust bun with a beefy-looking slab of, um, something on a bed of lettuce and tomatoes.  The White Castle version is smaller because everything at White Castle is smaller.

But appearance and reality often diverge.

The basic idea of a veg burger that looks and tastes like the real thing is a fine idea.  Vegetarians and those who fear the Red Meat Death Squad are pleased and should be.

But these things taste like roast cardboard.  Now, if you’ve ever had roast cardboard, no surprise.  You don’t get Wolfgang or Emeril or even Rachel Ray showing you how to cook this.  It’s strictly a DIY affair. And it’s not a popular dish.  A lot of kitchen fires start when you pre-heat to 350 degrees and put oil brushed cardboard in for five minutes per side.  Mom tried defrosting frozen beef that way when it still was sold in cardboard trays. We had no smoke alarms.  We didn’t need them.

We have no beef with beef-free burgers. All kinds of health food and pseudo-health food makers have been making them for years.  At one time McDonald’s experimented with an all-vegetable burger. It was delicious. And it was quickly discontinued.

The nationally distributed frozen ones are mostly ok, but they cover a lot of dull with spices. The locally distributed frozen ones taste better, have actual spinach leaves you can see but no one seems to know where they really come from.

And answer Clara Peller's 1984 question for Wendy’s: Where’s the beef?”

SHRAPNEL:

--The headline says Egypt’s Morsi was “Buried after courtroom death.”  Good thing, too.  Even in Egypt, burying someone before they die is illegal.

--Members of accused sexual assaulter Harvey Weinstein’s legal team are defecting at a pretty rapid rate.  He’s down to three remaining. Looks like once these lawyers get to know their client better, they run for the hills.

--“Ya load 16 Tons, what do you get… another day older and deeper in debt” or maybe arrested. What Merle Travis wrote about and Tennessee Ernie Ford sang about was coal.  But the current 16 tons -- in Philadelphia -- is cocaine loaded in seaport shipping containers.”

GRAPESHOT:

-Two front page stories in the local paper on the same day, one describing the big store closings at the mall, the other, new small ones opening and leaving us guessing what’s really going on there.

I’m Wes Richards. My opinions are my own but you’re welcome to them.

Comments to wesrichards@gmail.com

© WJR 2019