Friday, February 07, 2020

4547 The Grannie Government

It doesn’t matter whether she’s white, black, Latina Native American (A real one,) big, small, kind or the Great Dictator. You fail to listen to this woman at your peril. We will take no baloney before its time. Or during. Or after. 

Would you cross your grandmother?  Of course not! You wouldn’t dare.  Are you white? Are you black? Are you Hispanic? Asian? Native American? Native Alaskan, Hawaiian or Martian? It doesn’t matter. Grandma rules.  You know that.

And this is why this space has long advocated that the world be governed by a committee of grandmothers over 70 with all their faculties facule-ting.  Why? Because they’re all alike. And they don’t take crap from anyone. Certainly not from you or me.

Who overfeeds you?  Who comforts you in your time of woe? Who believes in you? Who calls your BS when you’re posturing?  It’s grandma, that’s who.

Who has common sense even if without an education? Who sees life for what it is and for what it can be? It doesn’t matter where they’re from.  The Old Country. The Confederacy. The east or west coast. From England or Ireland or Zimbabwe, or Bombay or Buenos Aires. From Poland or Denmark or the moon.  At a certain age, they coalesce into the Great Universal Grandmother.

The World Council of Grandmothers will not allow you to make a fool of yourself.  It will not allow you to start a Ponzi scheme or a race riot. It will not allow your water to be poisoned or your air unfit to breathe or your oil pipeline to undermine a burial ground.  It will not allow scoundrels to steal your hard-earned money. It will not allow you to do stupid stunts that come back to hit you in the ass.

Why women and not men?  C’mon guys, you know why. They’ve seen all the Stupid Male Tricks and been hurt by them. And they’ve all worked around the arrogant and self-important men in their lives … and yours.

Grannies come in many forms.  Some are haughty, some are kindly. Some are fire-breathing liberals, some are smug conservatives.  But all that is window dressing.  They are grannies first.  They love you and want what’s best for you. But even more important, they love you and they know what’s best for you.

Oh, yeah. Old people are … well … old fashioned. But guess what? The value of values doesn’t change just because you have access to Cortana or Alexa or “Okay Google” and they don’t or don’t know about it or care about it.

The World Council of Grandmas is the answer to what’s wrong. Fail to listen at your peril.  And remember this: You haven’t evolved as a critter for the past 10-thousand years.  You only think you have.

I’m Wes Richards. My opinions are my own but you’re welcome to them. ®
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This column is dedicated to the memories of Julia Satlien (1865-1964) and Anna Rotholz 18??-1937.) And no, I don’t use real names when the Internet asks for “mother’s maiden name.”)
© WJR 2020

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