Monday, November 07, 2016

1717 Your Election Scenario Guide

Tomorrow is election day, so gather your list of tombstone names and photo IDs and head for the polls.  Your votes count, especially if you live in one of the hundreds of misshapen districts put in place by thoughtful winners of earlier stolen elections… and if you agree with the views of the mis-shapers.

Here are some possible outcomes for you to ponder:

  1. Trump wins.  Democrats become the majority in the Senate. In this case, nothing gets done. Except maybe finding the next Tony Ducks Scalia to sermonize and ridicule from the Supreme Court Bench. The rich get smaller tax cuts than hoped for. We go to war with someone.

  1. Trump wins and Republicans retain the Senate Majority.  We go to nuclear war with someone.  They actually dig a foundation for the wall with Mexico. Muslims are mandated to wear yellow armbands with crescent symbols.  Wayne LaPierre moves into the Lincoln Bedroom.  Secret Service officers and FBI agents trade their confining business attire for the less restrictive white sheets.                                                     
  2. Clinton wins and the Dems take the Senate. Ah! Hillary -- a REAL Republican.  But one with some flaws. She becomes the first woman President and solicits donations -- via email -- for Air Force One from Goldman Sachs. We go to war with someone. She resumes the military draft and it includes small children who can be assigned to clerical duties in some random war zone where they’re expendable. Barack Obama is confirmed as the ninth Supreme Court Justice and immediately heads for the golf course.  But at least he doesn’t go duck hunting with Dick Cheney.  

  1. Clinton wins but Republicans retain control of the Senate.  Tax cuts for all. But since we all know that poor people (and Donald Trump) don’t pay taxes, the reductions will go almost exclusively to job creators who will -- as has been the case for years --  not create jobs because Clinton, ties to Wall Street notwithstanding, has undermined confidence in the market. We go to war with someone.  Obamacare is repealed and replaced by a chain of federally owned leeching clinics.

See? Your vote really does have meaning.  Your grandchildren will be proud of you because one winner or another you will have succeeded in helping reduce America from superpower to the more humble status of a third world Banana Republic. And in two years when your crooked congressman comes knocking on your door or making robocalls, you’ll risk arrest if you don’t volunteer to put a couple of Tubmans into his outstretched palm.

Today’s quote:
“Yes.” -- Rep. Charles Rangel (D-NY) in answer to the question are you glad to be retiring after 46 years on the Hill?
--Your correspondent normally votes absentee because he is house-of-worship-averse but this year the requested ballot did not arrive.  So he will try to vote in person tomorrow, though local authorities may not let him.  Full report in Wednesday’s post.

--Florida Highway Patrol Officers responded to the report of an abandoned 2014 Fiat-500 with a missing wheel on the shoulder of an interstate and found it to be stuffed floor to ceiling with a combination of striped and polka dot fabric.  Turns out it contained the remains of 21 clowns apparently en route to the Ringling Brothers winter quarters.  And that is why there have been no recent reports of scary clowns lurking in wait to molest little children out playing after dark.

Note to readers:  I made up the Rangel quote. But if he’d been asked and answered “no,” he’d be nuts and while Charlie is a lot things, nuts isn’t one of them. -WR

I’m Wes Richards. My opinions are my own but you’re welcome to them. ®
Please address comments to
© WJR 1816
That’s not a typo.

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