Friday, September 15, 2017

1845 It's Never Nothing

"Honey, what's wrong?"


"No, really. You look annoyed.  What's going on?"

"Nothing.  Really.  It's nothing."

It's never nothing.

In the eons-old jousting between men and women, women have taken to (a) denying what they'd really like to tell you or (b) refraining from punching you out over some slight, real or imagined or (c) admitting you know them well enough to perceive the radiation of "something is wrong" vibes from them.

What's truly scary is when you, the guy, know what is wrong and you can't get the lady to confirm it.

The other day on arising, the look of scorn came over "her" face.

"What's wrong, honey?"


"No, really you look annoyed.  What's going on?"

"Nothing.  Really, it's nothing."

But it WAS something.  It always is.

The t- shirt was too tight.

It took two days, but finally:  "You look like a meatball in that yellow t- shirt.  You look like a sausage."

AHAH! It WAS something.  It always is.  In this case, it's a "so what?" moment.  But that almost never solves the problem.

You didn't put the cat out.  You didn't take the garbage out.  You had one-too-many glasses of wine at dinner. You didn't load the dishwasher.   You DID load the dishwasher but you still came back with spotted dishes.  You didn't wish my mother a happy birthday.

"But your mother's been dead for 30 years."

"No matter.  You still should have called.” OK. He calls. “The number you have reached is not in service.”  Or worse:  “Hello?” “Hi, Mrs. Klutzhammer, it’s Don.  Just calling to wish you a happy birthday.”  “Don?  You must have the wrong number. It’s not my birthday.” “Aren’t you Mrs. Klutzhammer?” “No.” Click.

“Okay, honey, I called. She didn’t answer, but I left a message.”

Or maybe the car needs washing.  Or the laundry needs washing. Or "You told me not to buy two packages of bath soap at Sam's Club two weeks ago and we'll soon be out of the stuff."

The complaint could be legitimate.  If you can pry it out of her:  “Can’t you get rid of that 1920 refrigerator in the back room? It doesn’t work and it just takes up space.”  “But dear it was my grandmother’s. It’s all I have to remember her by.”

Sometimes it’s not:  “Why do I have to do all the moving of stuff around in this house?”  (Why does anyone, including you?  Does it make a difference which side of the room is home to the philodendron plant?)

Freud is said to have asked "What do women want?"

The answer is "nothing, dear.  Really. Nothing."

No it ain't.  It's never nothing.

--Sometimes you can’t solve a problem by simply cutting the Gordian Knot. Sometimes you have to actually learn how to untie it. And then actually untie it.

-“We have a deal.” - Donald trump after a White House dinner with congressional Democratic leaders.

-“There’s no deal.” - Same guy the next morning.

I’m Wes Richards. My opinions are my own but you’re welcome to them. ®
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© WJR 2017

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